A Long Week

It's difficult for me to believe it's Wednesday, just five days after Mom's surgery, feels more like weeks. The variability of time, I'm sure that is what to blame, for time is variable, isn't it? Ask a fifteen year old aching for a learners permit how time passes, then turn to ask a Mom how fast her children grew and you may hear “slowly” and “in the blink of an eye”. As further evidence I'll submit that a hangover lasts “Forever” yet the events leading to said condition never seem to last long enough.

Mom is doing well, better than most would have guessed and may be released from the hospital as early as this weekend. According to my sister Trish, she is a favorite on her ward without even supplying any of her chocolate chip cookies. (Yet). While we do not know at this point how long she will be with Trish before returning home, I would imagine a few weeks at the very least. I'm not sure exactly when, but my Aunt Kate will be heading to Raleigh to help with Mom. This is great news. Dad is doing well but I'm sure he is restless without his wood-shop to keep him occupied.

This past Saturday I took my first Reiki course with Dee; I have a long way to go. Much like Meditation I do not seem to be able to get myself into a proper state of mind to feel that I have an ability to help myself or others. What I do know is that Reiki has helped me and with work there will come a time when I can help others.

Somehow I managed to get myself registered for the North Face Endurance Challenge Half Trail Marathon. (The Web Site Showed It Was Full) I will be running with my Nephew Matt with the intent of finishing in under two hours. The pace we will need to keep works out to about nine minutes twenty seconds per mile which will be about forty seconds per mile faster then last years time. If you read this Matt I am one hundred percent sure we can do this, train hard!

I have also registered for the Steamtown Marathon, October 7th, entered into the Nike Woman’s Half Marathon Draw for October 14^th, I'll sign up for the Catoctin 50K, July 28^th, and hopefully get into the JFK 50 miler held in November. This may be an aggressive schedule but as long as I can stay healthy and injury free I completely believe I'll be up for it.

My progress this past week has been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Sleep has been an issue with only one night of decent “non-aided” sleep. My energy levels are bouncing all over the place with one day being good and the next feeling like an ole sleepy eye hound dog. Running typically makes me feel better, however the bump is temporary. I have had several experiences of bathroom surprise, thankfully all in the evenings. My feet are still half numb, my hands are sensitive yet this is a step up from hurting.

Time should be my friend; I'm just wondering, how I will perceive it ?

Keep Hope In You Hearts and Minds ..... Mike

EASTER

It's April eleventh and I'm sitting here listing to a classical piece “Night on Bald Mountain” while looking outdoors to see large snow flakes dance their way to the ground. Just an hour or so ago I headed out for a non-energy filled two mile run which ended up being more of a slog then a run. How different from this past Saturday when I ran a twenty one minutes forty second five kilometer race, finishing up twelfth overall and shocking the living daylights out of myself; I expected to run somewhere shy of twenty four.

The selection has changed, currently Vivaldi's “Spring”(I'm listening via Pandora). Not looking like spring out there Antonio. Snow is falling hard and the roads are “Steaming” the same as if a cool rain had fallen on a hot summer road, bizarre.

Easter has come and gone and for the first time since we've been married Susan and I did not share Easter together. Instead I drove with my brother, Tim and his family to Raleigh NC to surprise Mom. 

I would have said to surprise Mom and Dad but apparently Dad is clairvoyant; he announced, “I'm not surprised, I knew it all along.”

The surprise for Mom however was complete, compelling and joyful. Perhaps in a strange way the most meaningful Easter I may experience.

If there was a down side it only rose after I returned home, thankfully after I returned and not while on the road. I tend to forget sometimes that it has just been three months since reversal and probably unfair for my mind to expect my body to cooperate upon demand. Still.........

Yesterday I went off the “Gabbys”; the name Sue and I had given for Gabapentin. It is a drug to control the pain from the side effects of chemotherapy. I ran out as soon as I came back from North Carolina and apparently did not have an available refill. I never imagined I'd still be taking this stuff at this point but my hands ache and my feet are thirty percent asleep. You are not supposed to just stop but since I have, I'll just gut it out and deal with it.

The informative paragraph below explains probably why I feel like crap.

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If you suddenly stop taking Gabapentin tablets, capsules, or oral solution, you may experience withdrawal symptoms such as anxiety, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, nausea, pain, and sweating. If you are taking Gabapentin to treat seizures and you suddenly stop taking the medication, you may experience seizures more often. Your doctor may decrease your dose gradually over at least a week.

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Mom's surgery is scheduled for Friday, I am at a lack of words to express how I feel.

Mike

Antrim Inn

Susan and I left Thursday afternoon (the fifth) to spend a quiet evening at the Antrim 1844 Inn. Susan's last Spring Break was spent jockeying me around from specialist to specialist ; this year I hoped I would be recovered enough for a quiet evening out.

The Inn is well known for it's dining, extensive wine list and cozy accommodations. Susan and I in our B.C. Years (before children) enjoyed fine dining with an occasional overnight stay but it had been many years since we have done so, it was about time.

Our adventure was sprung on Sue as a complete surprise, I had thought I would tell her to pack a bag the morning of our reservation but Beverly suggested it would be better to give more notice, which I did. Mum was the word and poor Sue spent a day trying to figure out where we might be going. She had no clue, until, upon questioning about our departure time I blurted out that we would not need to stop by the Grotto to light candles for Mom and Dad, I had already done that. That comment gave her “direction” and from her ability to associate disparate pieces of information she had a pretty good idea of where we were heading.

Driving to the Inn we bantered back and forth, “Just give me the first letter of the Town we're going too”, she asked. “No, just tell me if you think you know where we're going”, I replied. Back and forth we went until finally she guessed and I confirmed we were heading to the Antrim Inn.

In our room, next to the four post feather bed sat the five red roses I had ordered, each rose representing a member of  our family. It was a nice touch to an already beautiful room as was the chilled bottle of sparkling wine awaiting us. The uncorking of sparkling wine, along with conversation overshadowed afternoon tea, yet a late afternoon stroll, including a tour of the wine cellar filled out the remainder of the afternoon.

The wine list at the Inn is a wine lovers delight and an intimidating adventure for a beer drinker as myself. Planning therefore was an essential component in the selection of a proper wine. Perhaps I could have taken some courses, performed in-depth research or just dump the wine list into the lap of someone who knows about wines, like my friend Joe.

Armed with a “Cheat Sheet” of suggested wines Joe recommended, Sue and I confidently headed to dinner, knowing I could order the perfect wine for dinner. Walking to the Inn, I pulled the list out of my pocket multiple times looking, refolding and pondering which wine would be the best for the dinner we would select from a six course adventure.

It worked out perfectly, with “Cheat Sheet” memorized I calmly ordered a Joseph Phelps, Cabernet Sauvignon, bottle number 9222, vintage year 2000. Susan chided me as the wine steward left the table, “Well I certainly hope you didn't transpose any numbers”. With bottles priced up to sixty five hundred dollars a simple error could be a costly mistake. I can assure you, the reading glasses were on for a close inspection of the label as the bottle was presented.

As the wine steward decanted the wine, a couple at the next table took note, assuming their “neighbors” extensive knowledge of wines.

The wine knowledge myth was dispelled the following morning at breakfast, as the same couple, once again seated near us commented about our abilities with wine. “Well, you must not have seen my cheat sheet”, I replied as I explained my process. I imagine it's good that I did and still ascribe to the Boy Scott motto of “Be Prepared”.

It was a wonderful evening, we had made it through the entire dinner with no issues. Nothing would remain on my plate, rich sauces would be soaked up with bread, every ounce of wine consumed and deserts handled with abandon. Boldness prevailed and perhaps with judgment clouded by wine and sauce a highly spiked coffee drink rounded out our dining experience.

A perfect script would have ended our outing with romance, however my script was a sort of Greek Satyr, a tragic comedy, as upon returning to our room I spent the better part of the next four hours in the loo. Still, it was every bit worth the cost.

Enjoy the moment ..... Mike

Easter Prayer

Two flickering candles burn brightly today at the Grotto of Lourdes. They are symbolic of my Mother and Father who have weathered the test of time for more than sixty years. As they both deal with the struggles that illness brings, may God guide them bringing peace and happiness to their lives.

This is my prayer, my hope as Easter approaches.

Mike

Poweraide and Leaves

Years of looking at Grass, first as a young groundskeeper, later as a Greenskeeper I developed an ability to see many shades of green. Shades of green spoke of, “Too Hot, Thirsty, Hungry or Sick”. It amazed me at times how others (especially those under my supervision) could not see what was so obvious to me.

This time of year, as spring blooms fade, trees renew themselves bearing new growth. New life presents itself uniquely revealing shades of greens, yellows, reds and bronze. If you just happen to be at the right place, with the right light, it will be as impressive as any fall scene. Unlike fall, the time to observe lasts only a couple weeks as trees move to conform to a “Uniform Green Blanket”.

I couldn't help but think of the parallels between this and human beings. We are born and remain individuals yet much of our growth is achieved when we realize we are part of a larger community.

I have a better understanding of this now.

On a lighter note: (Thank God)

As I reached for a Gatorade at Sheetz, a force pulled my hand back, a voice whispered “No Mike, Power-aide”. My eyes gazed for the aforementioned refreshment but none was to be found. “Oh Hell” I thought, “ I hope Snapple works”.

Thanks Craig ! Congrats with the promotion, your power to persuade shows you deserved it.

Mike "O"

Terrapin Mountain

Considering everything, the race I ran Saturday, may be the best race I will ever run.

Though it seems a long time since the reversal surgery, it's actually been eleven weeks today. Surgery to remove the port was little more than two weeks ago.

Heading to the race I knew distance would not be an issue, I had a few training runs runs of thirteen miles or more under my belt but training and racing are two different animals. Even so, I thought I could better my time from last year because of course knowledge and a lighter frame. My plan was simple enough, move up the mountain with much less walking and “Gut Out” the rest.

Summit,  That A Way

At the start, I was determined to try to arrive on the trail somewhere towards the front third of the pack avoiding the inevitable “Congo Line” of walkers trying to spare their legs. Since the 50K and Half Marathon runners all start together there is more walking exhibited then if we were all running the half. I arrived on the trail almost exactly where I thought I should be, yet even then, I had to wind my way through more runners then I would have liked.

The first aid station, four miles in, came easily. Not needing any water I quickly grabbed some potato chips and flew out of there with pieces of chips dropping from my mouth. Leaving the aid station the next three quarters of a mile or so are so steep all you can do is laugh and walk as fast as you can. Climbing higher, the light rain which had been present turned into mist as we headed into the clouds. In training I had practiced moving up steep sections using a side step technique to save your calf's. It worked and I was able to move just as fast without tiring myself out. Soon the summit was reached and I saw my friend Dennis just ahead of me. This could only mean one of two things, either Dennis was having a bad day or I was having a great one. I voted for the later.

Downhills are not my friends, in fact I am getting to the point that I detest any downhill with more then a slight grade. Needless to say, after you crest the summit there are some serious downhills to contend with. So down I go, trying to let gravity pull me along, fighting the urge to brake, yet I'm loosing that battle. Only one runner has passed me going up hill and now two pass me in the first fifteen minutes of downhill running as my knees start to ache.

Who knows why things happen but it was just at a moment when I might have moved into a bad attitude I started thinking about my mother. Visions of pound cake, where I'd eat the cake first leaving chocolate icing to be savored last. Cookies that I'd plunder from glass jars found in the “Secret Hiding Spot”, re-stacking them to conceal the theft. Thoughts from vacations, places we lived and happy days came flowing when I wasn't one hundred percent consumed with not falling down. The pain in my knee, it went away.

Eight or nine miles into the race I thought I would start to feel drained, instead I still felt strong. Close to the second, and last aid station I saw the guys who had passed on the downhill, they were only three or four minutes ahead of me. “I can catch them, there are enough uphills”, I thought to myself.

Once again I spent little time at the aid station, leaving this time with chips and pretzel pieces dropping ungraciously from my mouth.

Ten minutes later I see “First” guy. For about a mile and a half we play  “Cat and Mouse”, I would catch him on an uphill, only to run out of hill to watch him put distance between us on the down. Finally, a hill long enough to catch and pass, where I could place enough distance between him and I so not be be caught on the downhill. “We got him Mom”, I said out loud. Runner number two isn't much further ahead so once again the “Cat and Mouse Game” plays out and I pass.

“One Mile To Go”, the sign says. I'm on the road heading to the finish, glancing around to see if anyone is behind me. Not seeing anyone I'm pretty sure I'm in the clear but little more then a quarter mile later I hear footsteps and turn to see someone just fly by me. It's “Second Guy”; a look at my Garmin shows a seven fifteen pace, this guy has to be running a six thirty and he's young. A voice in my head tells me, “ If I go after him all I might do is push him to run faster and I'll throw up at the finish”. (Not Today)

Dennis, Craig, Larry and I

As I was running I had no idea what my elapsed time was from my Garmin, as I set it for pace and distance. I was shocked therefore to see two hours twenty eight minutes on the finish line clock. I had run this race twenty two minutes faster than last year, under trained, recovering from surgery and chemotherapy.

I had a good laugh a week ago when the race director, Clark Zealand sent an email seeding me in fourteenth place. At the time I wondered what sort of dope was he smoking! I finished exactly in fourteenth place, there is no way this should have happened but it did; thanks Mom. You were with me as you have always been and I shall be there for you.

Love,

Michael

Race Preparation

Packing My Bag for Terrapin Mountain

Running Shorts
Long Sleeve Running Shirts (2)
Short Sleeve Running Shirts (2)
Bandana (2)
Socks (3)
Towel
Baby Wipes
Desiden

I doubt many other trail runners will be packing the last two items, hopefully they will remain unused.

I am looking forward to the race and am happy to report that three shots of Metamucil Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday worked their magic last night. Of course it was not the most pleasant of evenings but I leave lighter and confident for the next several days.

Mom, when you read this please know I will carry you in my thoughts as I run.

Love,

Michael

Running In Fog

The fog lay thick enough so that trees vanished from view a few few dozen strides away. Drops of water fell from tree branches and newly spun spider webs glowed white from condensation. As I ran towards a fire pond I became aware of the sounds of life playing louder and louder as I neared. Once there, I stood for several minutes listening to the symphony and watching the fog roll across the water. The frantic voices of frogs mingled with a single song bird and in the distance the pounding of a wood pecker echoed as loud as any jack hammer.

Spring is arriving.

Time for new life and hope.

My recovery continues to go well but my heart is burdened with the news that my mother has been diagnosed with kidney cancer. There is good news, it appears the cancer has not spread, yet the surgery to remove the tumor will require an extremely skilled surgeon and team.

I am not a “church goer” but it might surprise many to know that I consider myself a religious person. I believe in the power of prayer and will be praying for my Mom. For any of you who pray please remember my Mother in your intentions. 

This weekend is Terrapin Mountain, a half trail marathon with over three thousand feet of climbing and descent. It was the last race trail race I ran prior to my cancer diagnosis and the first I'll run as a cancer survivor. I plan to crush my time from last year, we'll see.

Mike

St Patrick's Weekend

I'm not sure I have ever seen a nicer Saint Patrick's day. The weather has continued to bring May like temperatures with highs in the seventies, blue skies and light winds. It seemed almost hot yesterday as I laced up my shoes for my first road race of the year.

Trail running is the venue I prefer but there is an unmistakable disadvantage, eventually these trails will slow you down. The road run was five miles, meandering through country roads, rolling hills and mooing cattle. I had little feel for how I should run but I quickly settled into a comfortable pace knowing there was a large hill somewhere around mile four. My goal was to finish somewhere around forty minutes, give or take two minutes and I did just that with a 38:16. I am pleased with my effort yet it pointed out that I need to get back on a track to work on speed as I plan on running several road races this year.

Corned Beef and cabbage along with Irish Soda Bread graced our table as we sat down to a traditional Saint Patrick's day dinner. I had an extra helping of Corned Beef for my brother Bill who would be skipping a traditional meal. I wonder, can you sprout potatoes or cabbage?

This morning I met up to run with my trail group on a relaxed ten mile run. I may go out again later for a bit to explore some he trails or just putz around and do some chores.

In either case I am appreciating the fact that I'm feeling pretty good. My feet are less than half asleep, often feeling like you would with sand in your shoes. My fingertips are sore and I have trouble with fine motor skills, such as writing, but they are getting better as well. I am hoping that in a couple more months this may be behind me. The fall I took last week has left me sore in the area along the incision below my belly button but this has not been a major issue. Finally, I'm still fighting to regain regular, predictable bathroom patterns but I'm beginning to realize that this may take more time than I had hopped. With careful management I have been able to get out with no problems but I do have to be careful.

Later ….. Mike

Set Back

Molly was going crazy, I was getting dressed to head out on a long run with no plans for her to tag along. As I slipped on my socks she wined, as I laced up my shoes she spun around I circles. “Oh Hell”, I thought, “I'll take her on loop and head back out again.” After all, I had only gotten her out a couple of times this past week.

Six miles later, with only a mile left, I decided to push hard and was flying when an unseen rock or branch sent me flying. It was a good landing in a good spot, elbows and knees, no blood, no bruises just a hard jolting stop. Standing and shaking off leaves and dirt I thought how fortunate I was not to have been hurt. I resumed at a good clip arriving home with an ever increasing urgency to head straight to the bathroom.

“Oh no, What Did I Do? What Should I Do?”, crossed my mind as I saw blood. Not wanting to panic I decided to just wait and see what would happen over the next couple of hours. Things “downstairs” were getting increasingly uncomfortable but the was no more bleeding. There would be no more running either as it just didn't seem to make any sense to push my luck.

Sunday morning seven o'clock seemed awful dark as the start of daylight savings time arrived. Our run was posted as a “Newbie”, slow and only five miles with a three mile “add on option”. I felt well after five miles and added the three mile loop with a more aggressive pace set by Craig; when we finished I felt pretty darn good.

As our group finished another was on a mission, a “Run Across Maryland”, forty two miles of rock , roots and some great scenery along the Appalachian Trail. The run started at Penn Mar Pennsylvania, completing in Harper’s Ferry West Virginia. I had offered to run an aid station halfway through the run expecting runners to arrive sometime around twelve thirty. They were right on time, in great spirits with perfect weather for such an endeavor. I was glad to be there for my friends but as they left laughing there was a certain let down and a feeling that I should be leaving with them. I had considered meeting them later in the day but as I drove away it crossed my mind that I could run again later in the afternoon, this would turn out to be a mistake.

Randy and I met at four fifteen Sunday afternoon with a plan for Randy to run nine miles and I would go for seven. They way the trails loop around I knew we would meet up and finish together. When we started I didn't feel well, having the ever present “got to go” feeling. Normally the feeling subsides or I can simply manage but after three or four miles I knew I was in trouble; Randy and I went our separate ways none too soon.

Normally I will carry papers to handle such a need but today I forgot. Forget leaves, the trees are still barren from winters sleep and those on the ground are dried out and crumple upon touch. So today, a hundred feet or so off a trail lies a formerly white bandana. (buried of course)

All of Sunday night until about three A.M., all day Monday and so far this morning I've been a mess. I am hopeful that the quakes will subside and allow me to get out for something of a run or walk later on. Today may reach seventy degrees with cloudless blue skies ruling the day, it would be a pity to miss out on such a fine day.

Spring is coming ..... Mike

Monkey on My Back

There is a Monkey on My Back and it's me.

I can hardly articulate moods which are flying around the inside of my head like a Kansas twister. It was a week ago the Groshong Catheter, A.K.A. port was removed. I was reminded in the morning while organizing my wallet, as within was the "Medical Alert". It may be of no interest to anyone, but my port was part of lot number REVD0436. Any other REVD0436 (ers) out there? Perhaps we should form a club.

The internet provides a lot of information about cancer patients experiencing "Post Traumatic Shock Syndrome" and perhaps this is what I'm dealing with. Almost wish I could blame and name, a Syndrome, so I could just say, "Hey Guys, I'm not really pissed off or in a terrible mood, it just my Syndrome". Ahhhh would be nice to have something to fall back on.

No, not to be for me,  I'm simply impatient, tired of hurting, asleep feet, sore hands and the new scars I bear. Guess it's time for me to "Man Up" and just quit feeling sorry for myself.

Reike tomorrow, I know Dee and Lorette will start me on a better path.

On a bright note, my running is coming back stronger then I ever would have guessed.

Mike

Seneca Creek

There was a light rain as three Hundred Fifty runners waited for the start of the Seneca Creek Trail Marathon / 50K. The forecast for the day was much better then anyone could have imagined, as it appeared earlier in the week runners would spend the entire day soaking in rain, mud and deep creek crossings. It was chilly, but with a much improved outlook, spirits were high, and, with that thought, I rolled over in bed and went back to sleep.

Yesterday was not one of my better days, although surgery had gone well on Thursday for some reason the pain medication made me sick to my stomach sometime mid-morning. No big deal I reckoned, I'll just “Gut It Out”, yeah, by six in the evening I understood why pain medication had been prescribed. Not wanting anymore Vicodin until bedtime, a nice glass of red wine led to a second glass of red wine to take the edge off the pain.

At nine o'clock, after a whole lot of discomfort had returned, I took a Vicodin and am happy to report it worked without stomach distress. Today it's been four hours since my last, I'm optimistic that the need for these may be over as my chest is sore but tolerable. (No bench pressing for a while)

This morning Molly and I took a nice hike after the sun started to poke out from behind the clouds. Our walk took us to the bridge in the photograph, it's nothing special but it has become fun with it's twists incurred from winter's impact.

Hopefully a nice long run with my running pals tomorrow morning. 

Mike 

Port Gone

The “Perfect Greeting Card” rarely comes along but my friend Larry has a knack for finding them.

Yesterday morning I had enough time after I awoke for a quick two mile run with Molly. Stepping outside I was treated to the smell of fresh air, the result of a full day and nighttime of rain. Less then a half mile down the trail I heard the cries of the spring peepers, “Looking For Love” after a winters sleep. “Too Early Boys”, I thought to myself. The rains made creek crossing a game of rock hopping to keep dry feet and though they remain half-asleep, they were nimble enough to win out. The real pleasure of the run came as the run was almost complete; the sound of geese grew louder and louder until looking up I saw a large flock flying in formation. By counting the number of geese in a small segment, then estimating an approximate number of segments there had to be somewhere around two hundred fifty heading North. Perhaps the spring peepers know something about the end of Winter that

I don't !

Arriving at the Hospital my cell phone rang, it was the admitting staff wondering if I were on time. They explained, I might have surgery early as their was some problem with the patient scheduled ahead of me. The way it sounded I was surprised that they didn't roll a gurney right to the front door. I had the whole scene in my head, gurney waiting, one nurse pulling off my shirt, another strapping me down while a staff member thrusts paperwork to be signed. A NASCAR worthy rush to the operating room whence the doc announces, “He's tough, no need to put him under. Now, hold real still”. Yikes !

I fact, the gurney wasn't waiting at the front door but I was rushed through admittance at breakneck speed. There was a high likely-hood I was going early but then again things don't always work out as planned.

There has never had an issue with an IV before, I've always been told I have “Great Veins”. My first “clue” that something wasn't quite right came as the nurse uttered the words, “The Vein it's getting all squiggley, look”.

Looking, not my first choice, yet after a few forward backward push/pulls I glanced over and saw exactly what she was referring too. The vein in the back of my hand, that straight as an arrow vein went all squiggley as she pushed in the needle.

No big deal, we'll just do it again, push/pull, push/pull squiggley wiggly.I felt bad for the nurse as she was visibility upset. She left the prep room and returned shortly later with another nurse and an explanation. “Athletes and runners have thicker veins then normal”, she had gleaned this information from one of the doctors. Apparently she was not inserting the needle fully into the vein so as she pushed the needle was pushing against the wall of the vein.

“No Problem, three times a charm”, I said. However the hospital had a two try maximum so she could not try again. Three times was a charm but with all the extra time to prep I lost my early “T-Time”. Now it was just a long wait, made much easier with Susan holding my hand and rubbing my neck.

Surgery went well recovery went well and back at home I was feeling good enough to have visitors and talk on the phone. Randy stopped in first, fresh from a five mile loop; Larry drove up when I mentioned Randy would be stopping by for a beer. I have to admit, as I first looked at Larry's card I didn't get the humor but a second glance through “Pain Killer Eyes” made me laugh.

Larry, if you ever want to start another career you could be a professional card finder !

All Spent

I don't know why I should complain, after all if I were to discuss my situation with health professionals they would most likely say my progress is well above normal.

The problem, as I see it, is that I don't care to talk to health professionals anymore. I am far more interested in talking with my trail running buddies on the merits of back to back LSD runs. (Long Slow Distance), or Joey, on returning to the driving range for some practice.
 
Ultra season has started and I'm probably capable of running an "Easy One" with a proper plan in place. In my mind I'm there, however the reality is that professionals are going to be a big part of my life for some time to come. Thursday for example I'll get to see a whole lot of professionals for the removal of the port in my chest. A simple procedure, I'm told but each time I have a procedure it comes with a measured amount of pain, discomfort and life alterations.

I will have to take this weekend off after surgery but I'd like to think that in my head I'll visualize running with Larry on another fifteen or sixteen mile jaunt.

OK all, as the title of this post may imply, I'm tired, last night was my ANIB for this week. (All Night In Bathroom).

 Shit happens ....... Stay Well and Enjoy your Week  ... Mike

Stubbed Toe

I stubbed my toe on a rock and it hurt ! Actually it was the second time in less then a week that I had done so with similar results.What an odd sensation as the nerves in my feet start coming "On-Line" again.

It has been a strange week, one with some really good ups and downs. Take yesterday for example, feeling good after an eight mile run on Wednesday I headed out on a unbelievable Thursday afternoon to do whatever mileage I felt like doing. My right foot was somewhat sore from a small rollover I had the day before but after a mile or so that went away. As I mentioned the weather was fantastic for February, in the high fifties and sunny to boot. With Molly in tow we hummed along until I decided it was time to “Go exploring”.

New Trails are always fun, anymore I know as long as the sun is out I can't get lost. So four or five miles into our run I saw a new trail I wanted to explore. It was a Mountain Bikers trail that became a labyrinth further up on the mountain amongst the bolder fields. It was a blast ! When I returned to “Proven” trails I knew my run would end up being somewhat over nine miles.

I felt great when I returned home and surely wish to report the feeling remained with me for the rest of the day but a dozen or more trips to the “Comfort Station” (generally in a sprint) tempered the satisfaction from the afternoon run. Even so, it's a price I'm more than willing to pay.

Reiki this morning, once again in the able hands of Dee and Lorette; I left the Cancer Center feeling so much better than when I arrived. Most of my experiences with our sessions are absolutely the best when I have the ability to fully “Let Go” of everything, relax and feel the energy of my practitioners and myself. Easier said then done; too much of the mundane day to day worries of normal life get in the way, yet when I can get where I want it is quite extraordinary.

I have Surgery scheduled for March 1^st to remove the port. This will be somewhat of a milestone for me because I cannot look at myself in the mirror thinking I have beaten cancer with the implant there. Now if it were a six million dollar man implant, and, if I'd “Toast” all my runner friends speed wise or bench press two hundred pounds so many times it would make my brother's heads spin I might have a slightly different take. I am grateful that we live in an age of such remarkable advances, but by God, “Get That Thing Out Of Me”, is my plea.

Getting On With All of It..... ME

Six Weeks Ago

I sit here and wonder how it's just been six weeks since I was reacquainted with my large intestine.

The progress I've made astounds me yet I am constantly reminded of how far I still have to go. In my last post I failed to mention that I had to beat a hasty retreat from the American Cancer Society “Relay For Life” held at Mount Saint Mary’s Friday Evening. Susan and I started the relay walking the opening lap for the caregivers and survivors. A pleasant reception followed but as one of the speakers went on I could feel the rumblings from the “never regions” begin to talk to me. “Mike, Oh Mike you silly lad did you forget about us ?“

Panic didn't set in, I trusted all those Kegel exercises I had done months before. I was more concerned I would look like a butt clenched duck waddling along as I searched for a men's room. As the speaker finished I was up and moving; luck was on my side as perhaps the reception room was built with us “ole folk” in mind, a comfort station was just a couple dozen steps away. Ah........

Relieved, Sue and I headed back to the Gym to find our Nephew, Zac, who is a student at Mount Saint Mary's. My relief didn't last too long and before I wanted, “We need to go home”, were the words that left my lips as I spoke with Susan.

So anyway, as you already may know from my previous post, Saturday went well. Sunday morning I returned to my running group and ran eleven more miles ! Running was followed with re-hydrating with a couple of recover-rites, followed with lunch (lentil soup), warm bath and a nap. When I awoke blue skies and sun enticed me to throw some weight in a pack and take Molly out on a hike. Once again I felt wonderfully tired, but then at eight thirty.......

Why the Battalions of Intestinal Duress feel they need to punish me after such a fine day is a wonder to me. Jumping up from the couch I would not return for almost thirty minutes and when I did I must have looked white as a ghost.

The stress in the bathroom amplified the neuropathy in my hands and feet to an extent that I decided it was time to go to bed. Three hours later I was still awake, it was only when Sue came to bed and rubbed my back could I finally get some sleep.

So for all the progress I'm making I am reminded of ships, super tankers which require miles to perform a change of course.

It will come in time..... Mike

Tired

I'm tired this evening, a good tired that one gets after a full day of physical activity.

My day started with a sixteen and a half mile trail run with my running pal Larry. It was a perfect morning, and, with engaging conversion the miles were covered easily. Larry and I even got adventurous and tried some trails I have not run in some time, I was proud of myself that I did not get us lost. It was my longest run since August when I ran half of the Catoctin 50 K course with Kristin Biris. The only negative was I had to fight the feeling that I needed to “drop trow” almost the entire run.

After my run, I returned home for lunch, a warm bath and an energy reviving nap. Following my nap, splitting and stacking firewood was followed by starting the wood-stove and attending to other chores.

It was a good day...... Mike

Low Rider

My apologies for leaving such a negative post unanswered for several days but in all honesty my mood had not changed much, until now.

The trip to the dentist went better than expected but still set me back three quarters of a mortgage payment. Three hours of drilling was followed with real fun as the Crown Vic fully lost the rear air suspension as I headed home. Riding up Route 270, each bump sent a bone jarring reverberation from the rear of the car to the rear of yours truely at a time I just did not need any additional stimulation. I am happy to report, no change of clothing was required and three inches of clearance remained on the car when I arrived home.

Keith, the guy who takes care of our cars weighed the cost of putting spark plates on the bottom of my  "Low Rider" or replacing the air suspension with a traditional springs and shocks. For a brief moment I considered the spark plates and a cross country run to LA where my car might just be appreciated. In addition I figured if I got to LA, Joey, my college roommate would fly down from San Hose for a few days to drive around looking "cool" with me. At first it seemed like a good idea but I slowly realized spark plates would only be a start, all kinds of additional enhancemets would be needed such as hydraulics (to bounce the car), a banging sterio and a cool paint job as minimum requirements for a gringo low rider.

As I picked up my car this afternoon, with it's back end proudly reaching for the sky, I thought about "tooling around" in LA and smiled.

Mike

Fowl Mood

I'm in a fowl mood !

Yesterday evening I missed Maggie's recital due to another attack of Battalion I (Intestinal Division).

I knew my attempts to stave off the attack might be in vane which was proven when Battalion I performed a flanking maneuver and attached from the rear.

There have been quite a few events I have missed in the past year but few grate on me as much as missing a performance from one of my children.

On a good note I ran thirteen and a quarter miles Saturday morning. It was a splendid run with a couple of inches of snow on the trails, snow hanging on the trees and large white flakes ambling their way to final resting points. It was a slow run, taking a full three hours, yet, I drew a great deal of satisfaction that I could do this just five weeks after surgery.

Hummm......Surgery, that reminds me of the eighteen hundred dollar bill I got just an hour ago for forty five minutes of work. This bill however is one I have no problem with, others well lets just say I have “issues”. Since I am in a bad mood I'll mention just one. To facilitate the chemo I had a port put in. It's time to have it removed, I'm going to use the same practice, same surgeon yet I have to schedule a five minute “consult” which is a fine way of saying. “Hi Mike, OK we're going to take it out, see Avery to schedule surgery. Sorry for the hour wait but the line at Starbucks was just crazy.” BTW > Two Hundred Seventy Five Dollars Please.

Dentist visit tomorrow to start another assault on the family budget, already in my head I hear, “Mike, we really should put a crown on that broken tooth” ChaChing 3K please. My answer will be that we can pull the bugger or just grind it down to where it could be stabilized.

Sorry guys for the rant but like I said I'm in a mood.

Valentine’s Day Tomorrow, at least I have a Great Valentine to share the day with.

Happy Valentine’s Day To All ........ I mean it, mood and all ....... Mike

Oncologist Visit

Words are powerful, and when I heard, "Well I'm not going to tell you not to...."

The mind immediately moves into defensive posture.

It's not like I don't listen to my Doctors, because I surely do, however, I imagine I push the limits a wee bit.

This past Tuesday may have been just such a day.

Having been instructed to slowly introduce fresh fruits and raw vegetables into my diet I probably should not have eaten a half container of the all veggy salsa followed by several ounces of fresh broccoli (with veggy dip), followed by some (cooked) cauliflower rounded off later with a couple of beers after a real hard seven mile trail run. I even mentioned to my running pals as I opened a second beer. "This might be a mistake".

Mistake or not I felt pretty darn good until about eight o'clock when the first battalion of intestinal distress hit me sending me on a world class sprint to the bathroom. Waves of distress continued throughout the evening until at one o'clock in the morning when I awoke with a keen awareness that speed was of the essence. Jumping out of bed with "asleep feet" I stumbled and hit the bathroom door jam "Face On" hard enough to knock my senses off and remove a hunk of skin from my right cheek bone. The intestinal battalion finally won, I didn't quite make it to my awaiting throne in time. 

Perhaps the only "funny" part of all of this has been the reaction several people have had when seeing my mangled face. "Wife beating you again Mike ? "

Back to where I started, "I'm not going to tell you not to run but your nerves are damaged and will take time to heal. You don't want to be pounding them any harder then you have too".

My reply was, "Thank God I'm a Trail Runner. Trail running is much easier on the feet then Road Running". I then explained that I did not have any ultras in the very near future, only a half trail Marathon at the end of March. Of course that one is straight up Terrapin Mountain and down again. Defensive and justifying, do you think ?  

As I move forward my blood will be tested every three months for the next year.  I will have a Colonoscopy, Cat-scan and follow up visits with all of the Docs who have treated me. The port which was placed in my chest will come out as soon as I can possibly arrange it. Dr Goldstein would prefer I leave it in but as I told him, "I cannot look at myself in the mirror with the Port still there and feel that I am cured". With those words the good Doctor pulled out his pad and wrote the order to have the port removed.

The road ahead will have it's bumps, the neuropathy could take four to six more to fully disappear and lord knows how long my digestive track will take to become somewhat normal again. It will take months if not years to regain the strength and endurance I've lost over the past twelve months but if I stick with it, if I push to my limits without being  "stupid" (That's the real challenge) I'll return and perhaps improve as now I have a greater appreciation of what running has done for me.

Time to go, things to do including putting a new door knob on our bathroom to speed up entry time (The Old one Sticks). The fresh Strawberry's might need to be put away but if there are only a couple left I may just finish them off, a couple more won't hurt, besides, they taste soooo Good.

Be Happy All..... Mike

 

Welcome Back

This morning Larry welcomed me back to our trail running group with a perfect card and note ; the timing could not have been more appropriate, since today, I felt like I was back.

Had you asked me last night if we would even be running this morning I'd have to say it was doubtful. By six P.M. Yesterday we had two inches of snow with more predicted. Fortunately, the bulk of the snow passed to our North.

Following the best night of sleep that I've had in six months I was happy to see no more snow had fallen, roads were clear so game on. The trails were in better shape than expected with patchy snow and some mud. Trees and Mountain Laurel hung onto powdered snow just waiting to dump their treasure down the neck of any runner who happened to just brush a limb. For those not running completely “Heads Down” it was like running through a wonderland.

My original plan was to run to Delauter Road and back for a little more then a six mile run. Completing the run I stood around yacking with my fellow runners until they left. Several of our group had elected to run twelve,  they were still out on the trails; fueled with a bagel and a beer I decided I'd run another loop and time it to finish when they did.

I thought I'd take it easy but once I started, I felt a stride and energy that I had not felt in months. For the next three miles there were times I felt like I was flying.

Mike

Acceptance and Patience

I have never been someone who liked anyone or anything keeping me from something I really wanted to do.

Today our running club held it's first official event of the year, the Lewis run and as the race started, I sat in the bathroom feeling a bit angry that I was missing out.

Most people would probably tell me I was being unreasonable, it's only been a few weeks since surgery.

"Talking to Myself", I thought I should be content with the twenty miles I've logged this week, yet I sat on the throne angry that I was missing out.

Guess I getting better......

Friday, morning, getting out of bed my first few steps were reminiscent of a drunken sailor. I really didn't think much about it and continued with my morning activities.

At my Reiki session later in the morning, Lorett started reflexology on my feet when I realized that half of my toes were totally numb. To say I was surprised would be a understatement, I guess I have gotten use to my hands and feet "buzzing" but almost completely numb, that was a surprise. At least the burning sensations I would get after a run are hardly a issue at this point.

My digestive system seems to be making progress even if the process is slower than I'd like. It will just take time.

Later..... Mike

On the Trails Again (Should be a Song)

It was cold, just twenty four degrees but with the absence of wind it was quite comfortable to join my trail group Sunday morning for the first officially “sanctioned” trail run since surgery. The main group would run eleven to thirteen miles with large hills thrown into the mix. I, along with a couple others, would be content with some seven plus miles. Finishing an hour or so ahead of the main group, I decided to “spoil” them one more time with Hot Apple Cider and treats after the completion of their run.

A day earlier I provided an aid station at Hamburg road for a small group of runners running the Catoctin 50K course. (The Winter CAT). They could not of had better weather, no snow on the trails with temperatures in the thirties and forties during their run. While I would have preferred to be running I was content to help.

Saturday evening the annual Steeplechaser Banquet was held. I was honored with the Anderer Award which recognizes service and contribution to the running club. I knew I was going to receive the award even though I protested to the awards committee that my “service” to the club was simply too much fun to justify such an honor.

What I didn't know was that I would also be recognized along with two other runners, Beverly Black, who has recovered from a bad stroke and Rick O'Donnell who is dealing with Cancer a second time. Rick has been a true inspiration to me; his cancer is being managed with little chance today of a total cure. He has perhaps the best outlook on life among all I know and lives each day to the fullest.

As I received each of my awards I would return to Susan amidst many high fives and hugs. The amount of love, compassion and support from my fellow runners and my wife almost started a torrent of water works which I would have found difficult to control if it had started.

The only negative aspect of the evening were multiple trips to the men's room, followed by minutes of barefoot walking along Carroll Creek to cool off burning feet.

My recovery crawls along, emphasis on the crawling part. It seems that my body has settled into a three or four day routine wherein I feel pretty darn good followed by a difficult twenty four to thirty hour period. I have not been able to connect the pattern with diet, activity or sleep and hope I will settle into a more predictable routine sooner rather than later.

On February 17^th I am planning on participating in the American Cancer Society's “Relay For Life”, which will be held at Mount Saint Mary's College. The Relay Director has approached me about being the Opening Speaker at this years event. I will have to decide quickly, I'm just not sure I could keep myself together speaking about my journey while it is so fresh.

Keep Smiling, Stay Happy...... Mike

Telemarkerter Timing

I am beginning to wonder if I am being monitored due to our proximity to Camp David. It may well be that I am simply paranoid but I doubt it's coincidence that for the past few days, when I require the office throne, when no one else is available, the phone will ring.

If there is a monitor, you can sense the diabolical nature of the "handler" as he calculates my  approach to the bathroom. "Subject, twenty seconds from pants down, prepare to let the telemarketers through. Four, Three, Two and One commence." 

Meanwhile as you might guess there is nothing less wanted then a phone call in this state, but it may be a client, up I will jump. "Subject done with call, seeking relief, thirty seconds to pass through next telemarketer".

"Hello Mr. O'Grady this is John from Family Films", John says.....  John I think, how appropriate. "John, our kids have grown up and hopefully will move out of the house in the next few years. We enjoyed your movies when they were seven, why don't you call back in ten years or fifteen years, when we may have Grand-kids" I also think, "perhaps I may be senile and enjoy them anyway" , CLICK".

Back at central control the "handler" wonders how many more I can endure before I crack.

Ring, Ring, Ring.............
You have got to be kidding me.
Hello, all I hear on the other end is the sound of a hundred voices, my caller, sitting behind a Robo Dial does not have a chance to say a first word, CLICK !

The "handler" now get really nasty. "We'll Pass through an actual customer, pants down in five, four, three, two one".

Ring.

Oh My God, you have got to be kidding me.

I am so beat down I waddle out with ankle hugging undergarments to answer the phone. This time it's a client with a question about a forty dollar order. Of course this order is most important and must ship out Monday, she needs me to email a tracking number and make sure that everything is perfect.I am polite but I'm thinking that if anything drops out on the way back to the bathroom she may have a surprise in her box next week.

Back on the throne the phone rings again and the fact that I did not get up, I imagine five times is my breaking point.

I am getting stronger and better even if I have some bumps along the way.

Mike

Staples Removed / Cleared To Run

Today marks yet another small step towards recovery, my surgical staples have been removed ! The process was a snap with only one staple having sting as it was pulled. The area is sore but I am much more comfortable then I had been.

Susie came along with me I'm sure because she was concerned that I would filter out Dr. Berg's words to hear only what I wanted to hear. So what did we hear today; only that I am cleared to resume running and all other activities. (Within Reason)

I wore my Brilliant Yellow Terrapin Mountain run shirt to the appointment for good luck and apparently it paid off, seeing how I had already registered for this years half marathon trail run at the end of March.

I could not be happier, my head is swimming with all I want to do.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

On other matters, my healing continues even if at a rate slower than I would like. The problems with my hands and feet still plague me requiring me to have both feet sticking out of the covers in our mostly unheated bedroom. I also get relief from walking barefoot on our front porch, I especially like it when there is just a slight film of snow so I can track my melted footsteps as I move from one end to another.

Most of the pain pills I received after surgery are being used to assist sleep as I lay down with hands buzzing and feet burning with fire. I don't need them every evening, only after I have been active during the day with a walk or run, it is the “price” the “retribution” mandated by the chemo.

Dee, my Reiki Care Giver, asked me at my last session if I would be interested in taking a class she will be giving sometime in the near future. Though I don't have a clue how Reiki works I do know it has done me a world of good so I will be taking the class when it is available.

Finally, in my own moment of joy I am reminded of the the hardships of life. In the waiting room was a young man, probably in his late twenties or early thirties. It was his first time to see Dr. Berg; (Quite frankly if your there to see Dr. Berg something serious is going on). As he sat in the waiting room he seemed to sink lower and lower into the chair, looking completely despondent. I tried to start a conversation but he was either in no mood or perhaps just numb with what was ahead of him. It was then I appreciated the personality I was given or forged during my life; even in my darkest moments I don't think I looked so terrible. We would, of course, have to ask Susie to be sure.

Mike

Perception, Meet Reality

Sometimes, it's amazing the difference between perception and reality.

I promise not to focus on my “Potty Training” for all my future blog posts but for now it's a rather controlling force of life.

-----------------------------

Last night, my children, Beverly and I had planned a nice dinner for Susan's birthday, Chinese food, carrot cake (her favorite), sparkling wine, flowers and presents. Since I have been having issues with my feet after walking I decided to skip my afternoon walk to be one hundred percent for the evening festivities. What I hadn't factored in was the treatment I would receive from regions “North of DA Feet”.

For some reason my bathroom requirements have more necessary in the evenings then in the mornings, this evening would border on the the ridiculous. My sessions started off innocently enough later afternoon with no hint that they would soon be required every fifteen to twenty minutes as evening approached.

As time passed, the perception that I had just passed the Rock of Gibraltar was met with the reality that “Bunny Foo Foo” could have laid down a bigger marker. Fire flowed from the depths of hell to the point that even the baby wipes presented no relief.

Sorry, I digress, but while I'm on the subject of baby wipes, those who know me can testify to my skills with Photoshop. In every bathroom of my house and office you can find a package of baby wipes bearing a lovely picture of a woman cradling an adorable baby. It is a comforting picture, yet in my darkest bathroom moments the devil is trying to convince me to replace it with a photo of a balding middle age man, tears steaming out of his eyes as fire shoots from the throne below. Temptation has almost won out.

Where was I, oh yea, Susan's birthday dinner.

Like Custer's last stand I made a valiant effort to make it through dinner, standing up of course. After too many trips back and forth, I made my apologies and off to bed I headed. Laying down felt good but did not help the frequency of visits. Soon, sitting on the throne I heard voices raised in song and joined in with my grunt loaded rendition of Happy Birthday.

I don't feel a bit sorry for myself, instead I'm grateful that I'm here knowing that each day may present it's own challenges but I will meet them knowing I will prevail, one day laughing about it all. At this second in time I don't want to laugh too hard as it might just shake something loose.

Keep Smiling, keep your sense of humor ................. Mike

Stools in the Pool

Rounding that corner towards sixty one does not expect to speak about “Poo” except perhaps when discussing the adventures of potty training or explosive diapers emulating from grand kids. Even then, as a guy, I would have thought I would have simply been nodding as the ladies of the family discussed and reminisced these adventures.

Following the twenty four hours of Volcanic activity starting this past Tuesday night, ending early Thursday morning, an eerie calm descended upon the landscape. Perhaps, Freedrick, exhausted from the rage he put forth after banishment was content to be part of the system instead of a main player. Though the calm was nice it stated becoming a worry by Sunday morning when no further action had been noted.

Most Sunday mornings, by design I'll head down to the trail head at Hamburg Road to run with my trail group. Even if I'm not running I'll typically head down to chat and see who showed up. This Sunday was no different but as the group headed out in eighteen degree temperatures I thought how good a hot cup of apple cider might taste after the run. Since I not supposed to drive I asked Sue if she would go to the Weis to get some cider with me.

Perhaps it was the walking around or the stress of being in public away from my own bathroom that worked but by the time I got home I ran, rephrase, waddled, to the house with butt cheeks clenched tightly. Minutes later, with more effort then I imagined my “Prize” awaited, small yet solid, my first “Duty”.

I am so at ease with my running friends that I'll tell them anything so an hour and a half later, while handing out hot cups of apple cider I mentioned my adventure. High fives and slaps on the back followed with some jokes as well. The title of this post came from Craig one of my running buddies.

Since Sunday morning not much going on until last night when I went through a most unpleasant eight hour stretch. This is going to be a process that shall take time but it will get better every day. If I'm “upset” with anything it's that the neuropathy has returned, yesterday after just a two mile walk my feet burned and sessions on the throne sent my hands and feet “a buzzing”.

On the bright side, I've just signed up for my first race of 2012, the Terrapin Mountain half trail marathon. This was the only “distance” race I ran last year and hence it is appropriate to be my first recovery race. The race is held at the end of March so I should have enough time to get some training in, I realize I may not be in top shape but I am excited never the less.

Much to do........ Much to look forward too................ Much to be excited about

Mike

Thousand Hot Tamales.

WARNING, THIS POST HAS SOME GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF RECENT EVENTS. DON'T READ ON IF YOU DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR.

“Mike, You're Going to Have a Couple of Rough Days, Get some Desitin and Baby Wipes”, were the words of Dr. Berg as he visited with me Tuesday morning.

As far as days go, Tuesday was simply splendid, I was feeling good even though the “on demand” pain medication had been removed. Pain medication was available in a pill form if I requested it but I simply did not feel I needed it.

Sue had spent the night with me and sometime early afternoon she left and Mother took watch over me. Between an occasional nodding off I spent several special hours of important conversations with Mom. I am grateful for those hours, they were special.

As the afternoon passed along there were rumblings from “down below” that the beast was awakening. After surgery the nurses would place stethoscopes along my belly to listen for the beast but now the rumblings and grumblings were loud enough that I swear the woman in the next room was ready to yell “Shut Up ! “

Early evening arrived with the return of Sue, My Kids, Father and a surprise visit by Larry Key. I felt great, perhaps pumped up by the presence of friends and family yet somewhat apprehensive since I knew the “beast” was going to awaken from his sleep soon.

I made it; for everyone left, excepting Sue, before my first trip to the bathroom !

Who knows what to expect after so many months of inactivity? It wasn't much, and in a strange way I was disappointed.

Round two was a different story; leaving my bed with the IV stand I moved with the speed and precision of a NASCAR crew ready change tires and refuel their car. Positioned solidly on the throne I started to pass gas, not just a little, but an amount that legends are borne on. On and on it went until, at wits ends, I just started laughing as it continued. At one point I thought, “This isn't too bad.”

For those who don't know the O'Grady men, there has always been a childlike fascination with this digestive aspect of life. As a “Younger” man I can remember the formula....... Meat, Eggs,Beer and High Fat Ice Cream to prepare for a “Brothers Road Trip”. Pity the fool who had no window privileges

when we drove in a pickup truck with a single bench seat.

Three times a charm? Where the heck does that phrase come from? I like to know because for me it was no charm.

With the third visit to the bathroom reality set in, immediately set in. Imagine that someone just thew acid down there. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if it happened quickly but each session seemed to last for three to ten minutes, just when you thought you might be done, surprise, your not.

As the evening progressed the story was essentially the same, yet as bad as it might have been I was proud that I maintained control with no accidents ................. until. I'm not sure what time it may have been but Sue decided to head down to the coffee shop. Laying in bed by myself I nodded off only to awaken with an urgent requirement to sprint to the bathroom. I am happy to say my cat like reflexes resulted in me missing me the bed. With the exception of the bed, I managed to leave a trail of sludge and blood that covered the floor, legs, gown and socks. I know I should have called the Hospital staff but instead I grabbed paper towels and cleaned up as best I could. My gown and socks were discarded and a shower from the waist down cleaned me up. This would be my only accident.

The night was a slow torture with a bathroom trip required every hour or so, the discomfort was tolerable but highly unpleasant. It was the night of a thousand hot tamales.

Mike

Surgery

Surgery went well, the fact that somewhere along the way I herniated myself made Dr. Berg's job just a bit easier. Looking back, I remember a “tug” and some pain around the area of the stoma while splitting firewood. Instead of this being a negative it worked in my favor with an operation that should have taken about two hours ending up just being forty five minutes.

Don't worry, I won't be splitting firewood anytime soon.

Early Tuesday morning Dr. Berg came in to check on me, I was feeling pretty good especially since I managed to avoid getting a Foley bag when taking a pee became difficult. (A hot lap around the ward helped to solve that problem). Doc is a no nonsense kind of guy and after seeing how good I was doing he just looked at me and said, “Mike, you're going to have a couple of rough days”.

My belly, when not covered with a bandage looks like a smile with a full complement of braces.

It's Gametime

We'll guys there are no bottles of beer left on the wall, game time is finally here.

With a giant hug I put Maggie on the school bus and shall return to the house to get ready as soon as this post is completed.

I opted not to run on Saturday as I found out it was the last day of hunting season, instead I wrestled with one of the two logs I intend to turn into a bench. After finally getting it into position I had to enlist the help of Patrick for the final placement. That was followed by wood splitting and chores outside.

Later in the evening we enjoyed a "September" bonfire in January. What a great evening, at Ten O'clock when we were finished, I'm sure the temperature still had to be in the mid forties, a sure bonus for January.  

Sunday I ran three miles without my feet burning up! They got a little bit tender near the end of the run but it was not an issue. I am optimistic that this signals that the side effects of the chemo are waning so that when I am able to start running again that may be a non issue.

Mom and Dad will be heading this way later today and Kevin will be taking care of the office, with Susan by my side today I'm sure all will go well.

Time to go all, God Bless.

Mike  

I

Two Bottles of Beer

Pockets of warm and cold air blew into my face as I ran past the half frozen pond just a half mile from my house. It was a highly unusual January day as evidenced by both Tee Times and Ski passes being issued at one of our local resorts; certainly a day I could not pass up for running.

The plan was for a three and a half mile loop, my feet felt good and I left hopeful that I'd cover the distance before my feet caught fire. I made it two and a half but even so it was a sort of victory, my feet, burning hot recovered quickly and were not nearly as bad as my New Years Day run. Today the weather is once again unusually warm so I will try again.

The wind blowing in my face brought forefront the memory of the morning Reiki session. Perhaps ten minutes into the session the background music sounded reminiscent of a small mountain bird that I have heard thousands of times every season of the year in the Adirondacks. Soon, I was transported there, sitting on the summit of Mt Joe gazing down at Heart Lake and beyond to the high peaks. I was alone, watching the clouds roll up and over Wright Peak, fixated upon the simplicity and beauty of it all. It seemed as though minutes had passed when I was joined by Kevin and Patrick, a memory from the first time we had climbed Mt Joe.  Soon they disappeared leaving me along again gazing out at the scene before me. It was quite a moment but what happened next simply left me hardly able to contain myself , I was no longer alone, standing next to me was my father, in his prime, a memory of him from when I was a kid. We did not exchange any words, simply looked out over the mountains and then as quick as it started it was over. Fifteen or so minutes later, my session over, I cried and cried again later when I told Sue what I had experienced. By letting “myself let go” and with the help of Dee and Lorett I was given a gift that even now chokes me up as I write about it.

I would be lying to say that I'm not nervous about what is to come on Monday but at the same time I'm ready to get on with my life. Recovery may take some time but if nothing else I have learned patience to a degree I have never known before.

Ninety eight bottles of beer on the wall ago it seemed forever, chemotherapy seemed forever, six months of wearing a bag seemed forever but in the context of an entire life it has passed quickly. 

Two bottles of beer on the wall left and I probably will drink both of them this evening when we are having a family camp fire.

I am Thankful for so much, I love the life I've had and what I will have.

Mike

Felling Trees - Recovery

Last night I went to bed at eight P.M., thinking it was much later. Even though I have been off chemotherapy for a month now I still find that when my “Batteries” wear down it's time to head off for bed regardless of time. New Years Eve I made it to eleven forty five when my body told me “Time To Shut It Down”.

New Years Day was busy for me; I started at eight in the morning cutting down a beautiful old dead oak tree. The combination of Gypsy Moths, Old Oak Borers and a Root Fungus has killed and weakened most of my oaks, in time I suspect that only a few will remain. An hour of cutting was followed with a New Years Day run. I would like to say that I enjoyed myself, I did get personal satisfaction, but after a few hundred yards both feet were “On Fire” and my run was over after two miles. Standing at the finish, I got a number of people asking me if I was into barefoot running since I was standing there barefoot. (Simply an attempt to quell the burning fire)

Returning home I went back to my tree for some more cutting, splitting and hauling until it started to rain. I “piddled” in the office a while trying to get organized, catching some football until the rain stopped. Back at my tree, I swung the maul at a very large and stubborn log until I realized my heart was pounding and I was breathing like a race horse; Lord it felt good! Eventually the maul struck with a hollow thud indicating the log had yielded to my efforts.

So last night, when my body said enough, it was a good tired, not brought on by stress or drugs but only through physical activity.

This morning my neighbor and friend, Tom Bunk called to tell me he was on his way up to take down several large oaks near my office building. Tom has years of experience with rigging and logging, with his direction we dropped five large trees within inches of where we wanted them to go. It was a learning experience for Patrick, Kevin and I. Tom, would cut a wedge followed by a “Plunge Cut”, this is a cut in which the tip of the saw is used to “dill” a path straight through the tree just behind the wedge. I have seen Tom do this in the past and watched today with extreme interest, I will try this technique sometime later this year.

Early in the afternoon Patrick, Kevin and I started cutting, splitting and hauling the trees felled in the morning. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed seeing Patrick manning the saw, within an hour of starting he looked like an “Old Pro”. I split and hauled wood along with Kevin; Tomorrow Kevin will man the saw and Patrick and I will be the “Grunts”. In a couple of days I'm sure we'll have enough wood to last all winter.

The hospital called while I was working on this post, surgery is now less then a week away. I can't imagine how I will feel once I am whole again. I'm sure there will be a transition period that may not be easy but at least this time, with this surgery, I feel I'm moving forward towards a more normal life. I think that everyone will understand; awakening from my first surgery with a thumb size protrusion (Freedrick) lounging around my belly button did not feel like forward progress. I have imagined many nights, coming out of anesthesia, looking down to my belly button seeing nothing more than a bandage.

OK, bring it on ........... Mike