Visit with Mom

She tapped lightly on the bed wanting me to sit beside her. I sat down and hugged her, she feels so thin, I hope I will be able to hide my feelings from her. I have never bee n good at deceiving, she always catches on.

Mom looks tired yet her eyes sparkled as she spooned Boost and Ice Cream from a Glass. “Does this have Ice Cream In It? “, yes Mom I saw Trish mix some in when I was in the kitchen. “Well, Ice Cream makes everything go down better. Remember that”, she said.

Trish entered the room, I confessed that I had “Ratted Her Out” over the addition of the ice cream. She laid down next to Mom, comfortable in her flannel PJ's.

Conversation was light and cheerful, Mom enjoying our presence (And Her Ice Cream). Soon, It's time for another pill but she is having trouble swallowing them, Trish got up to prepare one by smashing it into more ice cream.

The second Trish left the room Mom leaned over, “Michael, Trish is taking such good care of me. She is even sleeping with me in case I have trouble during the night.” Smiling she laid back on her pillow.

The road home led me past homes ablaze with Christmas lights and signs of the season. As I drove on I started singing Christmas Carols.

My recovery moves forwards at a snails pace but I am content as I see progress. At this time last year, running a few miles required wrapping my feet in cold towels. Running a few miles would lead me to stand barefoot on our icy front porch. At this time last year I was sporting a Colostomy Bag pondering surgery to “Put Me Back Together”.

When I left Mom and Dads Saturday Evening, Mom gave me yet again another gift. The strength and grace in how she approaches end of life ..... struck a nerve which has been dead for some time. As I drove home grief was replaced with song, song opened a door to happiness.

Merry Christmas ............. Mike

End Of World ?

This morning I drove my son to work; .... returning home I looked towards the Mountain to witness the Sunrise creating streaks of angry looking flaming red clouds. Was this the start of the Mayan prophecy? Would the world end tomorrow?

How the hell do I know, I'm just asking the question.

Anyway, I came to conclude that the universe was in balance, “Angry Clouds Horizon” was met with Ground Level Homes Christmas lights ablaze. I started singing Christmas songs and felt good. Grant it, had my kids (who all are great singers) been along my croaking would have been painful, yet alone, it sounded as good as I could imagine. (Imagination is a great thing)

These are trying times for my family, Mom's time is short lived and Dad is struggling. There will be times of extreme sadness ahead yet all of us realize how fortunate we have been.

May 2011, I gave a card to Susan that read:

I am Working Towards A Time When Everything Gives Me Joy.

I'm not there yet, but I am getting closer.

There is little doubt in my mind that the Mayans are wrong. Even so I will be getting up at 4:15 A.M. Tomorrow morning to participate in an “End Of The World Run”

(It will be dark so headlamps are required). Crazy .......... Of Course ............ But ............... If the Mayans are Right ................. at least I'll end my final day doing something I love to do.

Sue...... Wanna ..... Call in Late For Work Tomorrow Morning?

To family and Friends, hug your kids, kiss your spouse and don't take for granted all you have received.  It's so easy to get caught up in the mundane day to day of life pushing us towards  loosing focus of the truly important.

Stay Happy ...... Merry Christmas ... Mike

Addiction 12/12/12

On the telephone my sister said, "Your addicted to running" .

The idea that I would be addicted to anything hit a personal cord as addiction is a touchy family spot. My "Knee Jerk", stupid man reaction was, "No I'm Not"

She may be right.

Almost three weeks have passed since JFK; I have been nursing a physical injury and have run about as much in three weeks that I would in three or four days. I feel like crap and my body has not been pleased with me. Hands ache and the numbness in my feet spreads beyond just the toes.

It is known that running produces endorphins; they are powerful, here is the Wikpedia definition:

They are produced by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus in vertebrates during exercise,^[2] excitement, pain, consumption of spicy food, love and orgasm,^[3][4] and they resemble the opiates in their abilities to produce analgesia and a feeling of well-being.

 Good Lord ! I never knew I had it so good until this investigation. What's not to like about being addicted to running?

This morning; 12/12/12 I laced up my shoes and did a four mile trail run which left me feeling quite well for several hours.

Guess I'm about ready to become an addict again.

My wish for all is that you look inside, find what makes you happy and go for it.

Happy Holidays ............... Mike

Passed

Yesterday I learned of the results of my CT Scan and they were good., let me rephrase .........fantastic!

It would be an understatement to say I am relieved, I had prepared myself for the worst. On the way home a bottle of Korbel was acquired and readied for an evening celebration. Sometimes however, life has a way of tempering events. The phone rang, it was Susan with a deflated tire and a tired daughter. No problem, mood still elevated, I threw tools and air tank into the jeep to race to the rescue.

The Jeep had other ideas.

Key inserted, turned clockwise and ........ nothing. Shifter moved into neutral, a turn of the key ...... nothing. Flip on the lights ...... nothing. Son of a ^%&* , try again ...... nothing. Call Sue on the cell, Dear, I've got nothing. Fortunately we have great neighbors so my gals were “rescued”.

Perhaps the mood took a hit but it was a small one. For the next several years there will be quite a few more tests and I'll probably sweat out each one. No matter, this one is behind me so I look forward to getting stronger and healthy.

I am grateful.

Lazy

I am being totally lazy, this is a copy of an email I sent to friends.

 

Well my visit today with the Surgeon "killed" any chance that I will be running any events for a month or so. I'll probably attend some limited trail running mornings but he really wants me to take some time off to heal what ever is bothering my lower abs. He wasn't overly concerned but wants me to take it easy a while.

 

Anyway that means this Saturday I won't be running Byron but I'll come as "Photo Guy". Can I hitch a ride with you Larry, the weather looks good.

 

Also had a CT Scan today, one of the "interesting" things about the procedure is that they inject some stuff into you that feels like a double shot of Jack Daniels after a long day of hard work. I guess the tech had someone tell her it was like "Bad Mexican" but since I never had Good or Bad "Mexican" I would not be able to tell.  (What is Mexican anyway?, guess I'm getting old) So, the warmth from the stuff just flowed throughout your body really quickly, I was saddened when I asked.......and was denied, another shot.... ohh well.

 

So after all was done, the tech looking over my paper work said..... Mr... O'Grady, you'll need to drink lot's of fluids to flush the contrast out. Of course I was thinking "Beer". And then she said, this will also put some extra pressure on your Bowels...... need I tell you...... ten minutes later ........ I had given up any idea of Christmas shopping and was balancing the "Need for Speed" with safety and potential for a speeding ticket.

 

Hope all had a Great Thanksgiving !

 

Mike "O"

JFK Number Nine

JFK 2012

It's done and I am happy even though things did not work out as I had hoped.

Days before the race I sat down and “Guesstimated” three different running scenarios, fast, relaxed and really relaxed. I spanned all three during my run and finished between relaxed and really relaxed, not to say that much of it was relaxing.

The fast part of my race was the first sixteen miles to the canal where I was right on or slightly under my predicted fast time of two hours forty five minutes. These miles were run with ease and not a whole lot of effort, I seemed to just float over most of the course. Running into Gathland I was totally shocked as I thought we had two more miles to go, it had passed by so quickly.

By the time I reached Weverton aid station I had a sinking feeling the ease of running was over, ahead of me the battle would be waged. It wasn't legs, energy or GI track holding me back, it was building pain across my lower midsection, I bit a pain pill in half, kissed Susan goodby and headed to the canal.

When I originally considered using pain medication during the race it was to help settle down my guts not to control pain. A month before, on a muddy trail a quick left hand turn resulted in the slip of my left foot twisting my body in an unusual way. The resulting pain was unmistakable yet unremarkable at the time, I didn't give it much thought until it just would not go away.

To stay on my fast plan I needed to run nine minute miles for the next eleven and a half miles, I made it for two. I had hoped the pain would not get worse but it just was not to be, at mile twenty five I swallowed the second half of the pill.

By the time Susan met me at Snyder's landing I was confident I would finish but knew it would be at my “Really Relaxed” pace.

I have never had a pacer before but somewhere prior to mile thirty eight Larry Key was waiting for me; I had not been feeling well and bit another half pain pill just prior to seeing him. Relief from midsection pain wasn't forthcoming but running and walking with my friend made those miles sail by.

Leaving the flatness of the canal the runners are immediately presented with a pretty good hill. Most will walk but I ran, albeit slowly until I saw a homeowner with a sign.... Bagels, Bananas and Beer, I had to stop and ask if he really had beer... he produced a fresh can of Yuengling and poured half a cup; Man did that taste good !

The remainder of the run would have been a “Trudge” but I was fortunate enough to be joined by an unexpected pacer with four miles to go. Corrine, one of my trail runner friends walked and jogged me to the finish. We had a blast and I felt quite good as long as we walked. As the finish line approached she gave me a big hug, turned around and ran four miles back to her car.

A sense of satisfaction and relief swept over me as my medal was placed around my neck. A time of ten hours thirteen minutes and six seconds placed me four hundred and sixty first, almost dead in the middle of the nine hundred sixty seven who finished. It was by all measures a very good day.

The support of many made this day possible, without all of you, this would never had been. I am very appreciative. The "Coat of Arms" for the name O'Grady has the Latin phrase "Vulneratus Non Victus" which translates in English to "Wounded but not Conquered", it is how I feel about my Cancer.

Mike

Evening Before JFK

I have always been nervous before starting anything I care about and this evening is no different. Running fifty miles would be a challenging anytime but this time perhaps more so than others. In my head I know that I am better prepared than in most years, yet I am still dealing with a body that throws curve balls and surprises at me all the time.

Well no sense to worry about it, I'll simply do my best ad enjoy the hell out of it.

Later ........... Mike

Reading Directions

Timing is everything “they say”; who are they anyway?

Thank goodness this past Saturday was not JFK day for if it had been my chances of completing the course would have been slim indeed. The week had gone fairly well, I enjoyed my relaxed running schedule with no hint of trouble ahead.

Saturday morning I woke up feeling a bit off my game but assumed I would feel better as the day wore on. This was not to be as my GI track rumbled and grumbled with no resulting relief. A trip to Mom and Dads in the afternoon left me feeling more and more uncomfortable to a point that I needed to leave early in the evening. Back at home I went to bed knowing that I probably would not sleep the evening.

It started at 2 AM when I woke with pressure the likes I had not felt before; at 5:30 AM after a dozen or more trips to the bathroom I felt there certain nothing could be left. At 8:00 AM I joined my trail group for a relaxed five mile jaunt, having a good run without issue. Later in the day rumbling and grumbling returned, as did the need to spend another couple of hours in my comfort station. As I said, had I been running JFK it would have been very difficult and potentially very embarrassing to try to run through the problems I was experiencing. I will review my diet to try to determine what is going on.

Many guys, including me have some sort of aversion to reading instructions. This morning I went back and read the instructions on the can of Metamucil. ONE ROUNDED TEASPOON IN EIGHT OUNCES OF WATER UP TO THREE TIMES PER DAY. Hummm.......... Guess two or three heaping tablespoons a couple times a day might be too much? No wonder my mix seemed thick as I chugged it down.

Yikes !

On other notes; Mom received an IPAD Saturday loaded with over five hundred photographs and MP3 music. This was the idea of my dear friend Joe who asked me three weeks or so ago if I thought Mom would like one. As mom is not really a “Computer Person” I initially thought it would receive little use but as Joe explained how I could load photographs, music and video I began to see the light. For those of you who have not seen the latest IPAD let me just say the display is stunning and the sound simply amazing. Mom had tears in her eyes as we paged through photographs and listened recordings made by her grand-kids. I will be adding more photographs and music with each visit.

Among the recordings were two I had never heard before, there were Irish songs Kevin and a friend had recorded while Kevin was at UMBC. The duo had intentions on singing at Irish Bars to earn some cash. Too bad that never came together because the quality of their work was as professional as any I have heard.

Mike

Mr Hyde I Presume ?

Halloween came and went Wednesday but a truly scary transformation waited until Sunday afternoon.

Power, Power, more power, I was consumed with the thought of regaining power we had lost for six days. Though my body had adjusted, no longer were six heavily piled blankets required to keep our bed warm, no longer did I need to stalk the house in down vest, hat and gloves. Yet, I craved a hot bath, lighting that looks like lighting and my “normal” life. Add to the equation that we had already burned up three hundred or more gallons of propane from the office generator; I was ready for a change.

My Friend Rick, Daughter and Friend

Returning home from my volunteer duties Sunday Afternoon after a March of Dimes Trail Run, I got out of my car to an eerie quiet. “Oh, damn. I should have checked the oil in the generator”, I thought. How negative to assume something broke when something when the reality was that something was actually fixed, the power was back on.

Finally understanding that power was restored the transformation began. I am sure it was quite similar to a werewolf with an arising Moon seeing claws and hair growing beyond his control. Like the werewolf I was out of control. “Turn on all the lights, turn up the registers”, I yelled as I entered the house. “I won't be cold tonight ! “. I am almost ashamed to admit I even turned on the oven for a while even though nothing required cooking. Quite simply, I was out of control in a pure one hundred eighty degree turnabout from normal self. Well all, the house pushed past the sub/low sixty temperatures we endured for a week and life was better. I carry no shame, even after a fifteen minute hot shower..... ahhhhhhhhh.

It's humbling to consider what generations ahead of us bore without the modern conveniences we have today. It is also mindful to consider that burdens we bear often are dwarfed by those who carry a much heavier load. Yet, we are all human, our nature centers around ourselves and if you don't believe that just smash your big thumb with a hammer and try to concentrate on something like, “World Peace”.

My brother Bill came down today to assist me with cutting firewood. We got a good bit cut but I managed to “Hang” two trees and get a the saw bound so badly that I had to cut the chain out from the tree. I haven’t screwed up that badly in years (Cutting firewood at least) . Never the less, it was a wonderful afternoon. 

I forgot to post this on Tuesday and now it is Thursday, ten days until JFK, I grow ever the more nervous even though my logical mind knows I am well prepared. 

My sister Trish is heading up to Mom and Dads tonight, I hope we can get together for some photography on Saturday.

Stay Happy and Look Forward to the Holidays ............ Mike

Hurricane Sandy

Hurricane Sandy ripped through the area five days ago leaving in

it's wake massive damage in New Jersey and New York. With the

exception of a few broken branches, our home and office saw little

damage. It seems strange therefore that we are in our fifth day of

no power with the distinct possibility it may not be restored until

Saturday, thank goodness we have a generator. 

If loosing power wasn't enough, we lost phones, email and internet.

Amazing in a modern world how much we depend upon communications

to conduct business. Most of our purchase orders are received as

attachments to emails, shipping is scheduled and most ordering is

conducted on-line. Our phone issues actually started sometime prior

to the storm when the phones stopped ringing. Turns out our main 

business line was “Switched” so instead of receiving 4199 calls we

were getting 1033. When I would call out of our office on “Our” main

line it was actually the 1033 number. Sure hope whomever had our

number didn't make a lot of international calls and that they have

a decent long-distance plan. This may end up being a big mess.

This past Thursday Rick O'Donnell joined me for a walk in the

woods to my Stone Pile. This pile of stones is at the intersection

of the Blue Trail and Stoner Road (An old jeep trail), it's not an

official land mark just a pile of white quartz and sandstone that

grows one stone larger each time I pass it. “My Stones” are always

white quartz, relocated yards or miles away from their original

resting place. The size of the stone, pea to melon, has no bearing

on the quality, length or duration of the run. As you might imagine

some of the smallest stones were those carried from the greatest

distance. Thursday afternoon two new stones were added, mine, a 

medium size to build up the base and Rick's, a rectangular quartz

beauty placed on top. I will make sure each time I pass to think

of Rick and assure his stone remains where he placed it. My wish

is that Rick and I will place many more stones on this pile together. 

JFK training “Ended” this past Sunday morning when I churned out

the first twenty eight plus miles of the run. The good news; no

cramps or tightness, great energy. The bad; pain in the lower

abdominal area would have stopped me at about mile twenty two if

not for pain medication. This was not a lasting issue as I awoke

Monday morning with no more discomfort then normal.

I ran an easy five miles Wednesday with only moderate pain so my

“Gut Feeling” (Sorry, could not resist) is that I'll be all right. 

No doubt that masking pain to run a fifty mile race may not be

the smartest decision I've ever made. However I am convinced that

the pain is a pull or slight tear that can be managed. I see

Dr. Yang today, (Gastrointestinal) I will honestly discuss the

injury and seek his opinion. 

The side effects from Chemotherapy still hang around in the

form of sore hands and partially numb feet. I have noticed fingers

going numb at temperatures below fifty degrees, guess it's time I

should match up  gloves. Right now I'd be in great shape if I only

required gloves for my left hand. Where are all the right hand 

gloves hiding out ? There has been very little change with the 

side effects the past two /  three months so I must consider the

possibility that this may never go away completely. 

My Gastrointestinal track continues to improve even if at a snails

pace. I can eat just about  anything I want and can enjoy a beer or

so.(within reason). 

My brother Bill will be spending the week at Mom and Dads so

I'll try to head up this weekend to see him. Sunday morning I'll 

help lay out the course for the March of Dimes Trail run held later

in the afternoon starting at the Gambrill Park Tea House. 

I am undecided as if I'll run, with only two weeks to go a turned

ankle or just a bad slip could end my JFK hopes. 

I have talked with Mom several times during the past week and

it seems as though some of her strength is coming back now that

treatments have stopped. There will be difficult days ahead but

there will also be times to cherish as well. I pray  I can lock

in memory every one of her hugs, smiles and laughs; that I may 

have her inner strength and compassion for others. 

Mike 

PS> Just finished a short trail run, trails wet, air crisp and

clean, little discomfort with the abs. (Yes!) The only negative;

hearing the hum of the generator as I returned to the office.

Just as I went to save this note to my computer the Internet came

back ! Five hundred emails are downloading so I guess I know what

I'll be doing for the next several hours.

Updates

Our mailbox got trashed last night.

This morning Susan asked me if I had heard anything strange around four A.M. Even though I did not sleep well last night I must admit that I completely slept through it. Some guard dog I would make.

There was a time in my life where this event would have angered me, instead I only feel sorry for the “dumb ass, or asses” who purposely destroyed our mailbox and newspaper holder. It was a poor job to say the least, I won't have to purchase a new post, I can straighten out the newspaper pole and can use a mailbox that mysteriously appeared at the end of my driveway months ago. (Sorry to whomever lost it to in the first place). Is there no pride with those who vandalize these days, or was this simply the work of cowards, afraid to spend adequate time for a job well done ? We may never know.

The past two weeks have been difficult for our entire family as my mothers condition grew steadfastly worse. The drugs she had been receiving caused the horrible fatigue that I managed to avoid. In addition, the impact on her GI tract was such that during her waking hours she felt horrible. Last week a CAT Scan revealed that the drugs were simply not working to an extent which justified a continuation.

Kids with Mom and Dad this Past Weekend

Each of us has a Public and Private persona which might be incredibly different from one another. To say my mother has an incredible Public persona is without a doubt an understatement of the fact. It's her Private side I hope will bear up well as the months progress. Mom has reassured us that she is accepting, grateful and content with the events as they have evolved. This is typical of my mother, never one to complain and always one to reassure.

As for me, ..... well I have been at a point where I've actually been telling people who ask, “Mike, how are you doing?”, more then they really cared to know........... It's how I cope.

With less then a month before JFK I have managed to pull or tear something in my abdominal region. I did it on the “Knuckle Buster Trail”, a windy mountain bike trail I run quite often. Rounding a turn my left foot slipped and stretched underneath me, I felt a pop immediately. That was ten days ago, it is a constant discomfort which seems to lessen after I start running, so far it does not appear to get worse with miles but I'm certainly not running fifty. I am going to back off my training somewhat in an effort to heal it as much as possible.

We are at "Peak Color" here on the Mountain, it is a beautiful reminder of what is good, even though challenges lay ahead ............. Mike 

Another Week

It is quite an interesting exercise to sit down to recall what has passed in the short span of a week. Perhaps this is why a diary would be a fascinating adventure, I can only imagine what I might have written ten, twenty or thirty years ago. It would be interesting to go back to see my life develop as Sue and I started and raised a family. If I could go back even further, I feel I would uncover many shinning bright spots obscuring blunders I wish I could take back. The irony is that blunders forge the personality as much as success.

One of my “Successes” occurred Wednesday when Susan and I celebrated our Thirty First wedding anniversary. My day started off well, an eight mile trail run in the morning followed by a hot shower and something to eat. My plan was to head off to the mall for a gift but to my complete surprise my GI track had other plans. Several hours later I was totally “beat up” realizing I would not make it to the mall. (Ugh) Susan saved the day by returning home from work armed with a bottle of Champagne, shrimp and mussels for a wonderful Anniversary dinner.

A good portion of Thursday was spent waiting with my father for a medical procedure. We were on-time, Dad was stuck with an IV on-time and then waited four hours for the Doctor. When Doc finally arrived there was no apology or attempt at explanation. To say I was displeased would have been a gross understatement, yet I held my tongue.

I had mixed feeling about the upcoming weekend as I had dropped out of the Steamtown Marathon. Withdrawing however, gave me an opportunity to run a 5K Breast Cancer Run/Walk in Frederick. It was a perfect morning for the event, cool and dry as showers held off allowing the event to go off without a hitch. This time I would not get off course and ran a 21:18, the best time I have run in a number of years. With two hundred yards to go I “Heard Footsteps”, intent not to be beaten I pushed hard with the inevitable result of heaving (Dry Heaving Fortunately) as I  shuffled, bent over out of the finish lane. My time was good enough to finish seventh overall and first in my age group. The “Funny Thing”, was, that the footsteps belonged to a high school kid who attended one of the kids training programs I've assisted with. Hows that for payback ?

After a five mile Sunday morning trail run with group, Sue, Kevin,Maggie and I headed up for an afternoon with Mom and Dad. Mom looked great and maintained a good level of energy all afternoon. After a “recorded interview”, followed by dinner we left sometime after six, calling when we arrived home. I was quite surprised to hear Mom's voice answer, we assumed she would lay down as soon as we left.

Of course much more happened during the week, good news, bad news good feelings and not. Amazing what goes on in the normal course of a week.

Appreciate Your Week ............ Mike

Thirty One

More then a week has gone by since Susie's cause and it's been once again a roller coaster ride.

After much “soul Searching” I have decided that Steamtown just isn't meant to be for me this year, just too many much more important items on my plate. I will instead concentrate on family and JFK Training. There is no doubt that right now, running is a crutch, one I rely on to deal with my recovery and the issues I and my family will face over the next few months.

Though I am progressing well my body reminds me that I'm not one hundred percent. There were a couple times this past week when I curled up in a ball waiting for relief from medication or rest. Amazing that I can run for hours some days with no ill effects and then trigger a bad response from a slight change in my daily routine.

Yesterday was one of those changes in routine that brought along a bad response. I played golf in a event to raise money for St Jude hospital. I thought we were to start at nine in the morning when in fact we started at eight. Thank goodness I checked my emails early Monday morning as there was a reminder for all to be at the course by eight. Thank goodness as well I have lost nothing when speed dressing ! Five minutes after seeing the email I sprinted to the car with Golf bag in tow, shoes untied and a glass of juice for breakfast. Not wanting to take a chance with coffee at the Golf Course I skipped eating. (Big Mistake).

Another “mistake” happened on the second hole of our round after one of my partners bragged about how long he hit the ball. I don't consider myself a long hitter but a couple times during a round I'll hit a drive square on the club face sailing it into the “somewhat long” category. This is what happened on our second hole; this lead to “Game Over” for my “Long Hitting” friend as he spent the rest of the day swinging for fences. Yes, there were indeed some impressive shots produced, to the right, left or grounders decapitating some poor worm who had the misfortune to poke his head up at just the wrong time.

I enjoyed the outing, it was a beautiful fall day but I did pay the price when I got home and I'm afraid I'll be paying up again today.

Tomorrow will be Susan's and my thirty first wedding anniversary. We “skipped” last year, this year, there won't be any barn busting party but there is joy and gratitude, I have come to understand how truly remarkable my bride has been and will always be.

Happy Anniversary Susan .......... Love Michael

Susie's Cause 2012

What a difference a year makes.

Last year, prior to the start of the Susie's cause 5K run for Colon Cancer I stood outside a Port-O-Potty with my wife, Susan, wrapping a very large ACE bandage around mt waist to support my six week old Ostomy Bag. Bound as I have said before, “Tighter then a Southern Bell going to a Cotillion” I ran and unbelievably won my age group.

A year later, nine months after loosing “Frederic”, I returned and once again won my age group. It was amusing as this year as I got lost for almost two tenths of a mile. Yes, the “Great Trail Blazer” of Gambrill State Park lost his way on a well marked five kilometer road race course. If not for the lung power of my running friend Kristen, I might still be running circles in the streets of Towson and Baltimore. Even after adding almost two tenths of a mile and something more then a minute to my time I finished in twenty two minutes and twenty seconds.

My recovery is far from perfect but standing in the Courthouse Square after the race. I found myself as relaxed as I have been in some time. The morning was perfect, cool but not cold, low humidity with white billowing clouds circling overhead. I was with friends and hundreds of possible friends. Once again I had run “Within Myself” and performed well; it felt good to be alive.

Walking back to the car I could hardly wait to call Sue to let her know how I did, I was “pumped”.

One frickin minute on the phone and then ream-ality set in. Mr. O'Grady, Mr. O'Grady call from the never regions, please proceed to the Port-O-Potty four blocks from here.

Oh well, it's just a process, if that's the price I pay then I intend to continue paying up.

Stay Strong, Stay Happy........... “Mike O”

Stick To The Ribs

Yesterday I went for a short run with Molly, “Hog Dog”, after just a short distance I sat down to remove something sticking me in the side of the foot. It's happened before, nothing in the shoe, just sleeping nerves waking up.

A mile later I was impressed with “phantom” stabbings emulating from my foot. Pollyanna would have been proud, “Just a nerve waking up Mike, deal with it”. It seemed a long two and a half miles, so soon after returning home I jumped to the opportunity to remove the offending shoe. As before, nothing in the shoe, but as I started to remove my sock from the top down , peeling it off inside out, there it was, a single sticker most likely from a Raspberry or Blackberry Bush. UGH!

Still undecided about Steamtown, I ran a good training run on the C&O Canal on Saturday (Twelve Miles) and a fun nine mile trail run on Sunday. While running I felt good but once I stopped it wasn't long before GI issues reared their ugly head. Fortunately neither experience lasted for more then a couple hours, but even so.

`

I will be trying some new foods this week to see if they might make a difference. This morning it was Irish Oats, “This stuff will Stick to Your Ribs”, Sue proclaimed as she placed a bowl in front of me. “Trust Me Sue, Sticking anywhere is the last thing I want from these”, I replied.

Let's hope Sue is dead wrong.

Mike

Mid September

It's been a while since my last post and while a lot has gone on there is little I want to actually write about.

My recovery has decided to take a hiatus, sending me back to a time of half numb feet and aching hands. I really noticed yesterday, running an eight mile trail loop, the technical sections felt awkward and off balance. This mornings run was better and I'm hoping to go out again this evening with good anticipations.

The decision to run the Steamtown Marathon will most likely be made at the very last minute. I know I'm in good enough shape, it would be a pleasure to see my college roommate Bill and his wife yet I'm wary of the possible aftereffects of the race. Having GI issues at home is one thing, away, another.

While I'm on the topic of running, this past Sunday Morning, after our group run I was presented with the gift of a shirt and armband. As you can see by the photograph, a very relevant and timely gift. Timely because next Sunday the 23ed I'm scheduled to Run Susie's Cause, a 5K race to raise awareness of colon cancer and money for research. I hope I have enough “Guts” to wear my shirt at the race.

To close this entry out I must write about my Mother. The news that her cancer has spread certainly was not what anyone wanted to hear. I was glad to be with Mom and Dad when they found out, just to be there for them as they have been for me.

Speaking with my Mother I saw nothing other then courage, dignity and a desire to take full advantage of each day. It is still difficult for me to wrap my head around all of this but her attitude and strength has had a calming effect for which I am grateful.

Mike

Twists and Turns

Such a strange combination of twists and turns the past few days I just need to simply admit that I have no clue as to what the hell is going on.

Long weekends are always a chance to relax and renew and so I thought it would be for Sue and I. So I thought........

Friday morning started off with a short three mile run with Molly followed with a trip to the FMH cancer center for a Reiki treatment. As always it was a pleasure to see Dee and Lorette, my time with them rewarded me with a calmness I hadn't felt for several days. As I left the center I looked ahead to the weekend, my sister Kathy and my Brother Bill would be at Mom and Dads, we would be joining them on Sunday with a Half Bushel of Maryland Blue Crabs. I was ready for a good weekend.

Everything seemed to be pointing up until late Friday afternoon when out of the blue my guts rebelled, sending me dashing from the couch to the can for several hours. I was miserable and by seven o'clock I bit one of my pain pills in half for relief. Before the medication could even kick in the phone rang and I found out that Dad was on the way to the hospital, perhaps with internal bleeding. Thank God my brother Bill was already there to handle things as I was in no shape too.

Saturday morning I felt well enough to head out for a short run. The weather was “iffy” but as I ran clouds parted, drizzle stopped and rays of sunshine occasionally drilled their way to the ground. Three miles turned into five, five to seven, seven to nine and would have been more except, something “Downstairs” started talking to me again. I made it home only to spend hours, again in the “Loo”. It would have been a totally miserable day except for good news that dad was doing well and most likely would be released from the hospital on Sunday.

Sunday morning I woke up feeling “Empty and Light” from the bashing I took the day before. A quick trip to the bathroom scale confirmed what I thought, one hundred forty six pounds. With that, I whispered to my half awake wife, “Sue, I'm going to run the Thorpewood 10K this morning, I'm light so I should be able to run pretty fast”.

Thorpewood, in addition to being a beautiful place for a wedding or corporate meeting serves at-risk youths. The run is a double loop on very runnable trails with one steep and challenging switched back hill. My plan was to take it easy, after all I was going to head to my parents soon after the race and I didn't want to spend my afternoon in their bathroom.

The race was small, perhaps seventy five runners with me standing near the front of the line at the start. As the race started the “speed” people quickly passed placing me somewhere around fifteenth place. About a half mile into the race I started passing people, the trails were wet and slippery slowing down the “road runners”. Around the two mile mark I caught a glimpse of the leaders, Lance (one of my trail running friends) and another young gun were leading, it was then I realized I might just be running in third place. At this point I was still running well within my limits.

At the top of the hill volunteers at the water station confirmed that I was in third place, fourth place seemed no where near. I thought I'd enjoy my moment as I was sure some young guy would zip by me in the second lap. One mile, then two into the second lap I just didn't see anyone closing in.

Once again at the hilltop aid station I decided that if someone were going to pass me if would have to hurt and I took off. There was no Garmin to record my last mile but I'm sure it was run under seven minutes. Soon after I crossed the finish line I wandered over to the Tag board to see if Lance had won, sure enough he had but my name was right under his. I was shocked but apparently the other "Young Gun" had gotten off trail and I passed him along the way. I finished second. My time was respectable but normally would have placed me in the top five or seven runners even that small a race. I imagine the lesson to learn is that just showing up is part of the battle.

I stayed a little longer then I should to welcome friends to the finish, partake of a nice cold beer and receive my second place award. A quick trip home, a quicker shower and off we were to pick up crabs before heading to Berkeley Springs.

While we drove for crabs Bill and Kathy drove to the hospital to “Spring” dad. This might be a good day after all.

Arriving before they could return with Dad, we unpacked our treasure and prepared for a feast. I sat down to relax and was pretty content until my daughter's voice announced, “Dad, Mom's in the Bathroom, she's throwing up”.

Sure enough, after a gentle knock on the door, I peeked inside to see Sue face down in the toilet, hardly able to move, obviously in great distress. There was nothing I could do except prepare a cold compress and promise I would check on her every few minutes. I don't know how long it was before she could move, movement, even the slightest made her sick. I imagine it was at least two or three hours before we could get her into a bed. Later that evening I returned home with the kids, leaving Sue so we could take care of the dog and other chores that needed to be done. I would pick her up Monday afternoon but by then the relaxing weekend we had hoped for turned out less than perfect.

Of course everything was not a bust, my Dad returned looking OK, Mom seemed to be doing all right after the first treatment and it was great to see my brother and sister. Sue seems better but not one hundred percent today, ..... as normal for Sue she was more concerned about missing work then anything else.

The Twists and Turns of life, ain't it Great ?

Mike

One Thousand Miles

January first, Two Thousand Twelve ........................................................

I logged a two mile run which left me standing barefoot in the cold as my feet burned. It would be another twenty eight days until I ran again.

That same day I opened up my running log spreadsheet to set new goals and log the painful run. Staring at the computer screen I could not but help but wonder how everything would work out, after all it was just a week away that my reversal surgery would occur.

Too much time has passed to fully know what I was thinking but I imagine it was something like, “Oh, what the hell, just put down one thousand miles.

How truly strange that I should meet that mark the same day my mother started her treatments for her cancer.

This morning when I awoke I knew I needed four and one quarter miles to meet the “impossible” goal I set in January....... I ran four miles this morning, ending up one quarter mile short ..... I had mixed feelings about going out again to complete my goal until Susan came home from work.... we spoke about it and her words, “Your Mom would want you to finish this” led me to lacing up my shoes and getting it done.

How Strange Life Can Be

Mike

One Week Later

An entire week has passed since my last post; as I sit here thinking back it amazes me how much has happened but more importantly how much will simply fade into the background as future weeks reveal themselves.

This week mimicked a roller coaster with it's head jolting fast turns, slow climbs and rapid descents. Physically, I was “all Over The Board”, feeling great some times, terrible at others. I ran the least number of miles I had in months at just twenty one. I probably averaged fifteen trips to the “can” each day, thankfully early in the morning and later at night. This led me to consuming the most pain pills in a single week I think I have ever taken outside of right after surgery (a total of three and one half as I bite them in half) , trust me when I say if I didn't need them I wanted them. I believe I even took a half pill in my sleep.

Steamtown, a fall Marathon held in Scranton PA approaches in a little more then a month and I sit on the fence as to whether or not I will go. I'm really not a fan of Marathons but Steamtown is something different, a point to point run through small towns who roll out the red carpet for the runners. Scranton is also the home of one of my former college roommates, so I also have the pleasure of spending some time with him and his wife. My hesitation is two-fold, first, can I run twenty six miles in control of my guts. There will be Port-o-potties along the way but they are spaced out. (Running in the woods is far more convenient) Second, I pay a price with each hard run, requiring many trips to the “Loo” after-ward, that's not bad if I'm at home, I'm not sure I want to go through that at a friends house. Who knows, a month from now I may be much better, I am hopeful.

Great friends showed up this past week but the elation of spending time together seemed fleeting. As we said goodby I wanted to say, “No ........ you’re not going, we have more golf to play, more trails to run”. We will...... we will play more golf.... we will run trails together ............I'm sorry but I am getting greedy with my time and I would rather have it now then later. 

Last week I found out that my blood work has gotten better, the Oncologist was pleased that my white blood cell count is back in the normal range. We also discussed the pain in my hands and numbness/pain in my feet....... no surprise there, it may be permanent. I dismissed discussing drugs to help, after all the drugs would simply mask symptoms, not help with a cure. I'm not against medication but I will avoid it as long as possible. After all, I'd rather dance with the Devil I know then the one I don't.

This morning I have a follow up with my surgeon, Dr. Berg, I'm looking forward to seeing him but hope I don't hear the words, “OK, I'm going to give you a digital exam”. Being in the technology field I often think of digits in terms of bits and bites. The first time I heard the Doc tell me I was going to get a Digital Exam I thought of a modern day probe, pencil like (nice thought) until I saw him snap on the gloves, then and only then did I realize that digits, ARE ON YOUR HANDS !

My thoughts are with my Mom and Dad, Mom's treatments start in just a couple days. We all are praying that her response will be good with minimal side effects. While no-one can predict how this will play out, I know the power of love... the love we receive and the love we give to others ... it is a blessing and comfort to our journey regardless of the final destination. There is an abundance of love surrounding my parents.

Mike

5K Success (almost)

The end of summer approaches; Patrick returns to college, Sue starts back to work Tuesday and Maggie starts her senior year of high school a week later. It will get too quiet around here too soon.

Today I ran the Saint Jude 5K held in Baker Park. After looking at previous finishing times I hoped I might finish in the top twenty. I was so close …...... finishing twenty first out of about four hundred in a time of twenty one minutes fifty seconds. I ran well but had trouble pacing myself. I would look at the Garmin seeing a six fifteen pace (too fast), slow down to seven ten (too slow). This only proves that I need track work, hopefully I can make myself do it. I would like to think I can improve but as I mentioned to my Buddy Larry, after the race, “Anything I can run is just a bonus”.

This past week was difficult as I could not get my head back into work after returning from Chincoteague. Perhaps mental stress added to physical challenges I went through. My normal four to five day cycle repeated every other day. My hands and feet, often serving as a barometer for my overall health have staggered backwards. My feet in particular are taking on a new twist, painful numbness... unnerving.Still I managed to log almost forty miles of training.

I missed an appointment with the Oncologist but have reset it for next Thursday, I will be getting full blood workup and suspect that my red blood cell count should be better. I will probably also find out when I'll be scheduled for my next CAT scan.

Friday I had a Reiki session, the first in a month and I have to admit I was “Out of Practice”. Normally it takes just minutes for me to clear my mind and relax, not this time. Only near the end did I start to “Zone Out” to a different level of consciousness.

Driving home from Chincoteague last week I passed on of those “Church Signs”, you know, one of those with a “Catchy Phrase”. Well this time, this one hit home …...... it read.

DON'T CRY FOR WHAT IS OVER

REJOICE IN WHAT YOU HAD

Later …..... Mike