Sex in the Afternoon

Wow sound exciting doesn't it? Too bad it wasn't today but there is always hope for tomorrow.

So lets see, in about twenty hours Nancy, my Home Care Nurse will arrive to disconnect me from my last infusion of 5-FU. For any of you really looking for a good "Sex in the Afternoon Story" sorry, my nurse is not "Naughty Nancy".
 
Actually this is an experiment in how many hits I'll get on my blog as "Mic Manley Men" got more hits in one day than I normally get in a week. (Not sure the audience was what I intended to attract) Apologies now to anyone looking for advice, photo instruction or just a real dirty story, it's not here today but you might want to check back from time to time.

Good Luck ........... Mike

Chair X6

I am sitting in the chair for my sixth and final infusion, I can't express in words how elated I am to know that this part of my journey is completed. Yes, there will be forty six hours of 5-FU to contend with but knowing it will be my last will make it that much easier.

Finishing treatment will pave the way for surgery, which requires at least a month after chemo is completed. I will have three and a half weeks recovery before Christmas so I suspect that most of the side effects will be gone or quite tolerable. How great would it be for me to feel well enough to enjoy the holidays, in a word, HUGE.

To start the healing process Dr. Goldstein has recommended that for the near future I keep my exercise to a reasonable level. In my case it will mean no runs over five miles with the majority falling into the two to three mile range. I have been looking forward to upping my mileage but I will take the advice and concentrate on healing.

The next step will be to schedule a Gastrografin Enema one to two weeks from now. Sound like fun doesn't it ? Actually it shouldn't be too bad, but as there has been nothing in the my large intestine for over four months it will be interesting. The test looks for “leaks” in the intestine, actually rare, never the less has to be investigated to be one hundred percent sure. Passing the exam will be gateway to surgery, I'll be ready but won't be doing any last minute studying. (almost said cramming, however that might give a totally wrong impression, seeing what I'm dealing with.)

I have an appointment with a Retina specialist on the sixth of December to look for eye damage from chemotherapy. I am fairly confident they will find nothing, believing the episodes of severe eye pain have been caused by the Oxaliplatin “messing” with one of the nerves associated with vision, once removed from the cause hopefully it will stop.

Looks like another hour before I'm done, my hands and arms “are a buzzing” and I'm somewhat lightheaded so I'm going to sign off.

Keep Happy Everybody …........... Mike

Morning People

Some people profess that they are “morning people”; to be honest I never considered morning to be better than any other part of the day but I'm becoming a fan.

For the past week I've gotten out of bed feeling pretty darn good, I've run, walked, cut firewood and putzed around performing various household duties. I seem to make it to mid or late afternoon when suddenly the “wheels start falling off” and I am reminded, (as one friend put it) that chemotherapy attempts to kill the cancer before it kills you. YIKES !

Even so I realize that I am in a minority of patients whose lives have not been totally disrupted. This morning for example I met my trail running group at eight AM. Though I did not cover the ten or eleven miles which our group ran, I did manage seven and a half, finishing strong and feeling good. The run completed and now into “social hour”, elation would meet reality as a cold can of beer tingled then numbed the gloved fingers of my right hand. Oh well, it was worth it.

Yesterday at Mom and Dads I had a great afternoon even if my body complained. My sister in law, Wendy showed up with a small gift bag with a pair of “Irish Hand Gloves” (picture to come) which will make it to infusion tomorrow. The gloves will be accompanied by multiple packages of hand warmers, given to me by my sister Kathy. Normally I would just place a hand warmer directly in a glove but after returning home with numb fingers I decided to try placing the hand warmers on my wrists, under a long sleeve shirt, secured by rubber bands. (Sweat bands might have worked better but I couldn't find any). Guess what, it worked great, keeping the heat source away from my already sore hands.

Leaving Mom and Dad's last night I was anxious to get home but saddened to leave. This morning, running along the trails, I could picture my family packing up to head to their homes, hitting the car's horn as they drove though Mom and Dad's driveway's stone pillars. (It's tradition). Of course it's a moment of sadness but evidence that we must all go our separate ways, but, if we are extremely lucky, we will converge from time to time to renew and grow as a family.

Mike

What is it, something like forty five bottle of beer on the wall? Right now I'm too lazy to do the math.

Mic Manley Men

As the song states, “What a difference a day makes, 24 little hours”.

Perhaps twelve hours in bed, another beautiful day or the surprise that both brothers and my nephew Matt would be here to help me cut firewood “fired up my energy levels”. I started my day with a four mile trail run finishing the run to be greeted by my brother Bill awaiting me at the end of the driveway. It was then I learned that Tim and Matt would be joining us to haul in firewood for the coming cold weather.

Joined by Patrick and Kevin we had quite the wood cutting crew, soon working as well oiled machine. The saw, in the sure hands of Bill hummed along only stopping for fuel, bar oil and eventually an exchange of the chain. Wood blew apart from mauls slung with brute force by Tim, Matt and Patrick. Wood was stacked and delivered wheel barrel load after another by Kevin. My role, I was told was to supervise, even so I still managed to put forth enough effort to end my day feeling wonderfully tired.

Six Mic Manley men working together don't cut six times the amount of wood, it's more like ten. At the end of the day I looked at the woodpile, now swelled with a supply to last most of the winter and all I could do was smile.

Thanks Men........... Mike

Thankgiving

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and there is little doubt I have much to be Thankful for. Unfortunately 5FU decided it was time to rear it's ugly head and hit me with it's best shot.

Overall my response to the last treatment had been better even though some of the side effects had intensified. The sensitivity to the cold was worse and lasted longer but the “first taste” blast was not. At the O'Grady household, on Thanksgiving Day, to have taste and smell is a blessing, Susan and her sister Beverly go all out to provide a feast unmatched by most mere mortals.

I had hoped to run a five mile turkey trot Thursday morning but as the week went on my hands and feet have gotten progressively worse. 5FU causes hand and foot syndrome potentially leading to blistered skin, I'm not there yet but I am very uncomfortable. To make an analogy, my hands feel like I've handled cement blocks, all day log without gloves. I addition to soreness there is the feeling of burning, one which cannot be relived especially the first week after Oxaliplatin has been administered.

My daughter has been a blessing, providing daily foot rubs of Udderly Smooth moisturizing cream but yesterday afternoon even this provided little relief.

Thanksgiving morning perfect and though I had missed the run I decided around lunch time to head out for my three and a half mile trail loop. My feet hurt but even so knew I could run “gently” over the rocks and roots populating the trail.

It was a good run and I returned home better than I left. As I opened the door to the house I was greeted with the smells of Thanksgiving, that wonderful mixture of aromas signifying a feast, soon to come.

Our Thanksgiving routine is the indulgence of at least two separate feasts, the feast of appetizers and dinner itself. I'm mad at myself for not taking a photograph of our appetizer table as it was an all out affair. I am sure I will leave something out but here is a listing

Onion Dip and chips

Duck Rillettes with French Baguette
Mousse Truffee Pate with Cornichons (small pickles) and crackers
Veggie Tray with spinach dip
Spanakopita
Crab Dip and crackers
Mango Salsa and Chips
Imported Cheeses with French Baguette (Epoisses, Brie, Blue Cheese, one other)
Salmon with crème fraiche capers red onion and pumpernickel bread
Sweet and Sour Meatballs

In years past I have made the mistake of indulging too much in the feast of appetizers to an extent that later, at dinner, I would realize that the turkey wasn't the only thing stuffed on Thanksgiving.

Needless to say I sampled all that was to be had at the “Feast of Appetizers” but I did not go overboard. As I sat down to watch Thanksgiving football I got really cold and started going downhill pretty quickly. My hands appeared speckled, looking quite red and bone white at the same time, they burned and ached along with my feet.

By dinner time I felt pretty lousy and by seven thirty, having sampled only some of the dinner fare I was “done in” excusing myself to head for bed. Susan as always was understanding and gracious as I attempted to apologize for departing prior to the completion of dinner.

It will be a Thanksgiving to remember, not the negatives, no, I will remember that as hard as it may be I am truly blessed.

Mike

JFK Roundup

I made it to the start and the finish of the JFK this year and though it was bitter sweet, my presence reinforced the feelings I have about running and this race in particular.

Talk to the average person about running fifty miles and you may see a look in their face, a look that projects concern and suspicion that you may indeed require psychiatric assistance. On the surface it may appear an impossible task, one which congers up visions of suffering, pain and misery. Run the race and at some point you will certainly question you sanity.

So it was that for the first time since I started participating that I actually saw the last runners finish. If you have never seen the “Back of the Pack” runners finish a marathon or longer I would highly recommend it.

You will witness the triumph of the human spirit over physical discomfort, a smile on almost every exhausted face as they approach the finish. There will be some who with renewed energy will sprint to the finish, leaving you to wonder how they did that after fifty miles. Others will limp across the finish contorted with a severe lean (the announcer calls them out as leaners) smiling as they complete their mission.

As you finish you are greeted with a large Finishers Medal hung over your neck causing multiple emotions to erupt instantly. If you are lucky, friends and family will be on hand to share in your triumph, your pride and relief that it is now behind you. You are never the same after that finish because now you realize there is an inner strength which can overcome the impossible. Seeking this strength, this understanding is why I run ultras and how I am coping with Cancer.

There are also those who don't finish, some underestimating the demands, injured or unfortunately just having one of those days. Still they are to be commended and respected for facing a challenge most are content to leave to others.

I sit here in awe of the JFK runners, looking forward to attending next years start and finish as a participant.

Finally, John Kippen finished the race, having the honor of the first JFK runner with two different livers. His challenge was one immense proportions, he looked exhausted at the finish but you know what.......... he was smiling.

Well Done John

Mike

Grateful

I am grateful for many things these days, small things that are often overlooked and taken for granted in particular.

I am grateful to my wife, Susan, who when awakened at one thirty this morning instantly attended to my “burning feet”.

I am grateful that I could make the start of the JFK to run up South Mountain with John Kippen.

I am grateful that as I drove home the sun poked it's head over the mountain pointing the way back home, simply spectacular and wonderful that I could enjoy it.

This could go on for some time but I think you all get it, so I ask one thing of everybody. Find one every day activity you take for granted and think how grand it really is. It may be the smell of that first cup of coffee brewing in the pot, enjoy it.

Happy Birthday Trish, I love you !

Mike

JFK Tomorrow

Round five is complete and as strange as it may sound I think it has so far been easier on me then the previous two. Some of the side effects are worse, the sensitivity to cold and the first taste thing are just plain nasty. Eye issues are preset and a trip to the Optometrist proved inconclusive, further testing will need to be conducted to determine if problems in my right eye are being caused by the Chemo or if it is early signs of Macular Degeneration.

Tomorrow is the forty ninth running of the JFK 50 miler; this should have been my ninth. Though I will not be running I will be at the starting line at five A.M. to accompany John Kippen to the top of South Mountain. John is an inspiration, he underwent a liver transplant earlier in the year and has come light years to get into shape to run this race. After reaching South Mountain I will walk back to the start to wish some of my seven A.M. starter friends luck.

It will be cold so I will show up with multiple sets of gloves, hand warmers and a full face mask, I should be OK.

Well I need to get ready for tomorrow so I'm cutting it short.

Mike

Chair X5

An excellent appointment with the Oncologist with a possibility that I may indeed be done after six rounds of chemotherapy. Should this occur it may allow me to have my surgeries before year end leaving 2012 as a year of recovery and rebuilding. A lot of this will hinge on the availability of Dr. Berg to perform the operation at FMH.

Dr Goldstein was highly concerned about the pain I had experienced in my eyes following the last infusion and wants me to see an optometrist as soon as possible. He recently went through laser surgery to correct a condition which seriously could have impacted his vision so he is very "in tune" with vision concerns.

My blood work came back and though my counts have fallen they are still good. I am most pleased with my red blood cell count, although low, it is higher than after my second treatment.

Looks like another forty-five minutes in the chair and then home for desert. Even if things don't work out as I hope, I will leave here in a fine mood.

Keep fingers crossed for me...... Mike

Rosaryville

This past Thursday afternoon, just as if someone had flipped a switch I started feeling human again.

Friday morning I had Reiki with Dee and Lorette. How can thirty minutes pass so quickly yet renew me physically, mentally and recently spiritually ? I doubt I'll ever be able to answer that question.

Earlier in the week I had doubts about my ability and sanity in heading to the Rosaryville 50K. I felt horrible, my hands and feet burned and fifty degree temperatures were cold enough to generate pins and needles in my hands. It would be so much easier to simply stay in my nice warm bed Saturday morning, certainly justified by the poisons circulating in my body. It was going to be cold at the start, it would be a long day and of course I was doing to DNF anyway. (Did Not Finish). I could almost talk myself into it yet I knew I would hate myself if I had done so.

Rosaryville State Park is in Upper Marlboro MD about an hour and a half drive from Frederick. With Packet Pickup starting at six thirty, the race kicking off at eight we left at five AM to give us plenty of leeway should we get lost or run into unexpected traffic. The race itself consists of a three quarter mile road run leading to a trail-head, three ten mile loops on trail and then back on the road to the finish.

It was cold at the start of the race; I was concerned but with a hand warmer in each hand the stingers never materialized. My pace was a nice slow twelve minute jog, noway fast enough to cause heavy breathing to sting my throat. Arriving on the trail I knew we were in for a real treat, these trails were the Neiman Marcus, Ritz- Carlton of trails, nothing like the rocky, root ridden trails of my backyard.

There was another pleasant surprise, about two miles on the trail I could see the start. My plan had been to run one ten mile loop followed by a second if I felt exceptional. I now had a revised strategy, I would run one full loop, start the second and “bail” for a twelve mile run if I was feeling poorly.

Feeling poorly never happened, yet as I got closer to the start I decided twelve would be enough. I could continue, however without a base of long runs I realized that somewhere around eighteen miles I might be a mess with four more miles to go. With Chemo coming on Monday it was an easy decision.

I felt physically great as I approached the race director to turn in my number; perhaps as the first DNF of the day. Certainly I'm not proud of that yet I was content with my decision. Now, without any fatigue, soreness or stiffness I could change into dry clothes and await the return of my friends Larry and Steve. How great would it be to see them finish I didn't know at the time but as each appeared it was truly exciting. Steve finished in a blazing four hours thirty eight minutes winning the fifty to fifty-nine year old age group. Larry with a 50K PR of six hours six minutes, not bad for someone who had expressed concern earlier in the week if he was ready. I am so glad I did not listen to the “voice” telling me, “Just Stay in Bed Mike, it's OK” .

Like most Sunday mornings I laced up the shoes and headed to Hamburg Road for a nice five mile trail run. For the past few years I've logged my mileage in a spreadsheet, as I started the year I entered a two thousand mile goal, a mere three hundred miles more than last year. As I logged the twelve miles of Rosaryville the spreadsheet calculated slightly more then one thousand miles run, completing my revised goal of one thousand miles.

I am nervous about this next treatment, perhaps I'll handle this one well but if side effects keep intensifying there is little doubt at some point I may be a complete mess. Send some positive “vibes” my way if you think about it.

Sixty-Six Bottles of Beer on the Wall...... Mike

Four Month Anniversity

Yesterday marked four months since surgery, can't say the time flew by although it is hard to believe it's been that long.

This is “Recovery Week” from chemo, I would like to report that I'm feeling great but the truth is that the side effects have been more intense and have lasted longer than before. How ironic that the 5-FU makes my hands and feet feel like they are burning, yet relief from a cool towel is not possible due to the cold Hyper-Sensitivity caused by the Oxaliplatin.

Oxaliplatin is messing with me in other ways, sometimes, for no apparent reason my resting heart rate, normally in the fifties or low sixties will jump to eighty beats per minute. My respiration will jump and for several minutes I'll feel like I'm on a jog though I am sitting down. The Oxaliplatin fogs my head and screws me up emotionally. Finally, I think it's responsible for the minor nose bleeds I've had this week. 

My weight has been all over the board these past few days, this past Friday I weighed in at one hundred fifty four pounds, yesterday and today one hundred forty five.

Based upon how I've felt I'm not looking forward to my next set of blood counts. I imagine they may be falling faster then the Dow is today, currently, as I write, down 363 points.

I did manage to get out Monday and Tuesday for three mile trail runs, we are having fantastic fall weather with afternoon temps hitting the mid-sixties. Today, even though it's warm I've elected to cut firewood instead of running. Hopefully this will "Save my Feet" somewhat for the weekend 50k trail run. As far as cutting firewood is concerned, I am pleased to report that I fell a large tree within inches of where I intended. The crash however scarred the daylights out of poor Sue who was working in the office. 

I am tying to remain upbeat and in good spirits..... Mike

Paying Attention

If there is one lesson I need to pound into my head it's that it is imperative to pay attention and not forget that I need to stay on top of Chemotherapy.

I forgot on Saturday and paid for it on Sunday.

Saturday was a full day with Rugby in the morning and a March of Dimes Trail run in the afternoon. Not to make excuses but dealing with an Ileostomy requires that I watch what I eat or drink prior to venturing outside of the comfort and convenience of my home and office. Before heading up to Mount Saint Mary's I had a half a cup of coffee and an Ensure. Thinking the Rugby “Halves” were thirty minutes I calculated plenty of available time to view the game, make it home and to the March of Dimes Trail Run to assume duties as a volunteer.

Needless to say I was wrong, I was there to watch the “A” side game, “A” side halves are forty minutes.

My nephew would be playing in the second half so I stretched my time, staying until the last possible moment. Nothing I could do next except to head straight for the race, no lunch, no fluids, no common sense. As the Boy Scout Motto proclaims, “Be Prepared”, I was not.

Chemotherapy requires me to drink at least two to three quarts of water a day, returning home mid-afternoon I had hardly downed more then a pint. I am embarrassed to admit that a few beers was not a suitable substitute for my hydration needs and I most likely fell into a state of slight dehydration.

For the very first time, the Sunday morning trail run resulted in a bust. The morning was cold, (high twenties) I was ready with double gloves and hand-warmers. I felt fine but within a half mile I started gasping for breath even as we ran at warn up pace. Gasping caused stinging in my throat and only through breathing through my nose would it stop. I stopped.

Those who can't run, walk and clear trail, that was my new mission. I managed to cover about four and a half miles running some of the last mile. (it had warmed up by then).

The rest of my day was spent on the couch sucking down as much fluids as possible. (No Beer). I felt lousy and even an afternoon walk, always my salvation failed. As an added consequence of my stupidity, I missed a Sunday evening choral concert Patrick was in. Susan said it was wonderful.

Maybe one day I'll grow up ..................... hope not.

Mike

Round Four is History

The Glass is half full as I have completed the fourth round of Chemotherapy.

Yes, I fell like crap right now but from everything I've read “crap” is good ! Considering that I have no fatigue (I'm not even taking naps), I'm still out there walking, running and my taste is still hyper-improved I'm blessed. So what if the evening glass of red wine needs some microwave action to warm it up beyond room temperature, the vapor the wine sends off in the glass is great in itself.

The Hyper-Sensitivity to cold is getting worse as are muscle cramps. Yet even with this there are experiences to be had and lessons to learn. Let me set the scene.......

--------------------------------
Yesterday I was unhooked from my 5-FU infusion pump at about three thirty, at five I was at the trailhead to meet my running buddies (they would run I would walk). Even though I was wearing gloves and the temperature had not crossed below the fifty degree mark my hands soon were buzzing and I found myself with both hands planted firmly under my armpits.

As soon as I had an opportunity to get back on Hamburg Road to return to the car I took it. With my hands planted in my armpits I imagined someone walking in a straight jacket, although in reality I must have just looked really cold. (Which I was not)

It's surprising how many cars and trucks passed me as I walked along, most sport utility vehicles, late model pickups and all wheel drives. Yet it was the oldest and most beat-up pickup that passed, turned around, drove past and turned around again. “Hey Man, You Look Cold, Want a Ride?”, was the question the driver directed to me as he pulled up.

The lesson, Compassion is not what you have, it's what you carry in your soul. Who ever you are, thanks guy.

Mike

Seven Seconds in Hell

Returning home from the Cancer Center, I was waiting for the home care nurse to hook me up to "Desert" ( My forty six hour infusion of 5FU). Speaking on the phone with a friend I had a slight cough, just the type you would have to clear your throat.

Immediately I felt discomfort in both eyes, discomfort quickly increased to blinding pain, the telephone dropped out of my hand to the desk and for an seven seconds I held my head with both hands begging for it would stop. It did and Thankfully it hasn't happened again.

Waking up at four AM this morning I tried to remember if I had ever experienced similar pain. For those who know me I could write volumes but I can narrow it down quite a bit.

       Splitting Firewood with a sledge and wedge, the sledge whacking the wedge, launching it solidly to a shin.

        Burns, not just the "Standard" hot water, hot pan, no a rock solid first or second degree

Not even the time I had to have a friend use a pair of pliers to pull a broken tree limb out of the top of my head (he had to pull real hard) compared to the intensity of pain I had yesterday.

Whew.......... Mike



     

Just Stuff

Random thoughts today.

People tell me, "Mike You Look Good". These are good words to hear, especially now at Halloween to know the "Crypt Keeper" has no worries of me replacing him. (Yet). These words however have me thinking. "Before Cancer, I must have been one Hell of a Good Looking Man". Why the blazes didn't anyone tell me?

I'm at the Infusion Center at have great news to report, my white blood cell counts have improved and my red blood cell count is only slightly below normal. I will continue therefore to indulge the weird cravings I've been having. Sunday evening it was black olives, not simply a whole can of black olives but the juice they are packed in as well. Those were followed up with three pieces of dark chocolate and a nice glass of red wine.

Rick O'Donnel was in a chair next to me. Rick is another runner battling cancer except this is his second time around. His disease can only be managed yet he remains positive and upbeat, Rick is a true inspiration to me and others.

Saturday afternoon Randy showed up to enjoy our early "Winter Wonderland", instead of running shoes, hiking boots and snow pants were the dress of the day. A couple or few miles of pushing through snow and bent over trees required a beer run afterwards. Stocked with beer, corn chips and new tires on Randy's truck neither of us really wanted to return directly home. It was decided that the back roads up the mountain would be an adventurous route and as we plowed though snow, creeks and fallen branches the truck bed accumulated empty beer cans as the bag of chips slowly disappeared. Good Lord that was fun!

I have started taking a drug to counteract some of the side effects caused by the Oxiplatin. I am always hesitant on taking ANYTHING but as I read all the possible side effects I came across what follows below.

Even in low doses, Gabapentin causes sensations of reduced acute pain, reduced anxiety and even a tendency to become overly social and talkative. Larger doses can cause the user to become numb and even fully insensate. Although it is widely regarded as having little or no potential for misuse, it is often a misused drug in Canadian Northern communities and among inmates in California State prisons.

Bring it on baby I'm ready !

Stay Strong, Stay Healthy and Enjoy Your Day...... Mike