Trails and Tribulations

Trails and Tribulations

CAT 25K July 15, 2017

I wanted to be alone with my own thoughts while running the CAT 25 and except for the first five minutes I was.



Glen Brake

Two weeks had passed since my friend Glen Brake died just after we had completed an eleven and a half mile training run in hot and humid weather. There was no warning, no complaints just the sound of a thud as the can of beer he just opened hit the ground. It took just seconds for me to realize something serious had happened.

When you think about dying immediately after finishing something you love there is a lot of benefit. I have now lost two of my friends in this manner and while it may be good way to go it is difficult for those left behind. Glen’s death was especially difficult since it was so “up front and personal”. I feel deeply sorry that Terri, Glen’s wife and family suffered such a quick and terrible shock.

On Friday I headed out for a short trail run, just a “stay loose” run for Saturday. It was very odd that Molly (our dog) refused to follow along. It was warm and muggy but this was unusual to say the least; most of the time she keeps eyes on me when I change into my running clothes. Perhaps she knew I needed time to myself.

As I started down the trail a wave of emotion overcame me as I thought about my friends, tears flowed down my cheeks and my legs moved like they had not in a very long time. If the Strava app on my IPhone was correct I ran the fastest mile I have run all year not even realizing it until I was finished.

The race itself almost came off as planned but out of practice I failed to take electrolytes until almost too late. The result was that after fourteen miles, a kicked rock sent my right calf into cramps that I would deal with for the final three.

I sat down twice to try to work out the calf and both times a “voice” came to me after a minute or so, “Get up Mike, walk it out”. I was hot, tired, dealing with the discomfort of the calf and wondering why the hell I do such stupid stuff. As difficult as it was I knew my friends, living and dead were helping to push me to the finish. When I finished I may have solved my own question, perhaps I do this because the physical challenges eases the mental ones.

As far as everything else is concerned I am still on pain medication for the neuropathy. I can deal with the discomfort during the day but without medication sleep is almost impossible. I am going to schedule an appointment with a new Doc for pain management so hopefully there may be some treatments or changes in medication that will work better for me. After becoming allergic to Gabapentin then having bad results with Lyrica / Cymbalta, Hydrocodone has been the answer. I have very mixed feelings about using medication but without sleep there is not much quality of life.   

We are in “Birthday Mode”, tomorrow my son Kevin turns twenty seven, earlier this month Patrick turned twenty four and in May, Maggie twenty one. I feel so blessed to be here to be here to see them grow into adulthood and share my days with my wonderful wife Susan.

Stay strong stay happy …. Mike

Grace in Falling

March 27, 2017

Yesterday I was reminded what true courage is.


John Godinet, a runner friend with ALS showed up at the Frederick Mission House ten mile run to participate in the one mile fun run. John, a veteran of many hundred mile and lesser distance ultra marathons today requires a crash helmet as his hands and arms are almost useless to him when he falls.

I was at the event to donate time and photography to the race. After the start of the main race there was plenty of time to watch the one mile fun run and to walk with John for the last quarter mile or so.

As we walked we had pleasant conversation, laughs and serious talk about his condition. Approaching the finish I heard a "thump" and turned to see John on the ground.

Looking at a dazed John, I was concerned until the words, "This helmet really works !", came from John's mouth. Not one to give up, he got up and finished.


My father is another one who fell but not at a race. Staying with my brother, Dad fell backwards breaking his pelvis and his back. We have no idea how long he might be in the hospital but almost for certain he will fight tooth and nail about going to a rehab facility or nursing home. Instead he will expect my brother to take care of him and this just may not be possible. I hope I am wrong but I have already experienced this first hand, it was not a good experience.

Last weekend I was at Terrapin Mountain, my favorite race of the entire year. Finally over my foot injury, with armed with some training, out of shape and over prime running weight my expectations were reasonably set. My race turned in to a run when the woman in front of me slipped on a patch of ice and went down hard. It was evident when she was pulled out of a tangle of underbrush that her ankle was broken. "Don't Look" was something I heard from one of the runners attending to her. I dialed 911 at 8:42 and stayed for twenty minutes or so leaving when I could no longer be of help. At four in the afternoon this woman was still on the mountain, on a stretcher being carried down the trail. It was said that she was in good spirits even though she must have been in terrible pain for hours.

We all fall at times in our lives, it is inevitable, I imagine the important part of falling is not the fall itself but afterwards, how you handle yourself and the ones around you after we stumble and fall.

Stay strong stay happy .... Mike

How fortunate I am to have a great family and wonderful friends, it keeps me moving on.

It has been a number of months since my last post as I simply did not want to address many of the things that were going with me and people I care about.

The sudden death of my Best Friends wife was without a doubt one of the most horrible experiences of my life. Cancer reached out and took a sweet and wonderful person who, after giving so much was on the brink of enjoying a retired life in the home of her dreams. As a friend I felt powerless to take away the pain my friend and his daughter (my god child) endured and are enduring now. Even today it seems surreal and so unfair.

In addition to watching the struggles of several friends with Cancer another has been diagnosed with ALS. With cancer you may have a fighting chance, with ALS you simply waste away over time.

As for me, well, I guess things may be turning around a bit. After sixteen months of running with foot pain my sweet wife (the google queen) found a video showing three foot exercises I had never seen before. Three weeks after starting them I began to run pain free, you just cannot imagine how I felt that first time I realized there ways no pain during or after a five mile run.

Now the "Battle" is to get back in shape. I have to admit that my lack of running was compensated for by a beer consumption routine that added twenty unsightly pounds to my frame. The good news is that it's down to fifteen pounds, the bad .... at sixty-three those pounds seem more stubborn! I will finish the year out without completing an ultra run. I did manage a couple 25K's and a half marathon but that's it. Hopefully 2017 will see a slimmer me and a couple of Ultras.

I also am to the point where I am guessing the chemo induced neuropathy may not get much better. I believe it is better than what it was a couple years ago but it just won't go away. Concerned about my continued use of Hydrocodone I tried some alternatives, First, Gabapentin... this did not work well in the past but I decided to give it another go at a slightly higher dose. About a week after stating it I broke out in a horrible rash, I quite using it and the rash went away after a week. Not convinced that the "Gabbys" caused the rash I tried again. After just an hour after taking a half dose my wife asked me, "What's wrong with your face". Now some mean spirited people might make a snide comment at this point but the truth was I started breaking out again.

Attempt two was to try Lyrica. Like the "Gabbys" the Lyrica didn't seem to work as well as Hydrocodone but it did work. Two weeks into taking it I started having very disturbing dreams, after a few days of this I dumped the remainder of the prescription down the toilet (We have a septic tank) and the dreams went away. I felt terribly guilty as the Lyrica cost the insurance company an obscene amount of money.

So it appears my choice for now will be to stick with the Opiate. I will try to stay at my 5mg dosage but after five years I have built up a tolerance so that sometimes I need 7.5 mg to get relief. (I can generally tell when the extra will be needed) This has meant this month that I have run out a few days short of the end of the month. I don't seem to suffer withdrawal effects but I cannot sleep, I have had eight hours in the past three days with four of those hours coming last night in two, two hour sessions. I sleep with my feet outside of the covers but even that isn't enough. I can get up and walk on our cool floors which works for a while. I have some lotion I'll rub on my hands and that also gives some temporary relief. I will tell you this is far better then fours years ago when I use to stand barefoot in the snow to quell the fire.

I started this off by talking about my family and friends for they are my strength. As I get older my body may weaken but my appreciation for those I love and care about only intensifies. I am a lucky man.

Mike

Sue, Joe and I in California

Fathers Day weekend and so far it'd not one I will care to remember much in the future.

A blowout argument with my sister Kathy over "stupid stuff" last night, has been overshadowed with news from my college roommate, dear friend and another brother that his wife was taken to the hospital last night. A CAT scan found nodules in multiple sites and her lymph nodes are enlarged . Another CAT scan will be done later today to follow up on the initial tests. Today, we were supposed to be on the Golf Course enjoying each others company.

This news reminded me of the day I was told I had cancer, trust me it is a terrifying experience, and to be honest, I had suspected it for some time.  I am hopeful that tests later today will tell a story different than the one I hope not to hear.

Another dear friend, who after battling stage 4 breast cancer (second time around) found out that the chemo she was getting did not reach her brain because of the brain / blood barrier. End result, after beating all the tumors everywhere else in her body three appeared in her brain. Surgery removed one and the other two will be treated with Cyber knife.

Yesterday I went to a funeral of a younger running friend whose father had died from Bile Duct Cancer at the age of fifty eight.

I realize it's just not me but millions who know the hardships this disease brings.

Few or no one reads this blog anymore and that doesn't matter, it is therapy for me to get this out . Cancer, the fear of cancer and it's consequences suck.

Mike

Spring 2016

April 11, 2016

It has been quite some time since my last post; much has changed yet much has remained the same.

The death of my friend Larry Key moved me to pitch the idea of memorial scholarships to our local running club; The Frederick Steeplechasers, it was accepted early this year and I have been pushing forwards on it. Next weekend I will host a memorial Run / Bike / Hike in the watershed to help raise funds for the scholarships. The response from my fellow runners, Larry’s friends and family has been good; all I need now is great weather.

As far as I am concerned, I keep moving forwards if only at a snail pace. The problems I have been having with my right foot still exist but not to the extent of just a few months ago. In March I ran the Terrapin Mountain half marathon without pain. Thinking I was finally over my injury  I ran a few days later, a mere three miles leaving me limping and gimping the following day.

Patience may be the key; I have cut my mileage and intensity in the hope that I’ll heal. As the weather warms (Had snow yesterday) I intend to start cycling. I have started weight lifting (again) and hopefully this time I’ll stick with it for more than a few weeks.  My focus with weights will be more with whole body exercises such as squats, presses and deadlifts. I will also work on my core with planks.

My hands are still a mess but perhaps a less so then at the end of 2015. I still need the pain medication, especially to sleep but sometimes I find I can go a day or more without. Everything is intertwined so eating well; rest, exercise and trying to limit stress certainly help. I have also found that taking Magnesium has helped my Gastro track and sleep patterns.  There have been some nights when I have slept five or six continuous hours, which for me, is huge.

Spring is coming and I look forward to leaves on trees, flowers and warm afternoons.

Stay happy all …. Mike

Thanksgiving 2015

Thanksgiving 2015

It’s finally time I can write a blog post; been one hell of a year.

Perhaps I should have gotten a clue from one of my very first races this year, “The Frozen Snot” I walked off a boulder falling into rocks below looking at the back of a camera screen instead of the trail ahead. The fall banged me up but no lasting damage was done. (I think)

One good race for an entire year, yes there were a couple of first place finishes in my age group at some short trail races but those don’t count. Terrapin Mountain is the only race I will feel good about when I think about 2015.

Injuries and neuropathy have plagued me for the past six months and my DNF (did not finish) at JFK 50 last weekend was just another example of my frustration. To be honest I never expected I would make thirty eight miles but the thought had crossed my mind that if I did I would finish. Well I made it but could not finish, pain, lack of adequate preparation and time worked against me. All right, maybe next year.

Perhaps I am ready to write today because I ran a 5K Turkey Trot with a woman friend whose is fighting stage 4 Breast Cancer, her second time around. She is a remarkable woman, so full of fight and life even after being dealt a bad hand twice now. Our conversations centered on what both of us are going through, interrupted often by shouts from her students, former students, family and friends. As we approached the finish line she saw a woman who was struggling. Placing her hand on her back she said, “Come on, you’ve got this! Finish Strong! ”, the stranger did, later coming up thanking Melinda, “I just had my best 5K by 14 seconds, thank you”.

This is what it’s all about isn’t it, thanks? I’m not just talking about the holiday we are currently enjoying (even though I will enjoy all the fine eats coming up). No, I’m talking about thanks in general for those things in life that cannot be bought, life, joy, family and friendship.

The death of my very close friend Larry Key back in August left a sadness that I truly did not know how to deal with. For so long all I could concentrate on was loss, loss of my not only my friend but the loss to others, father, friend a compassionate human being.  This past Tuesday I proposed a scholarship to the Frederick Steeplechasers which will be awarded to a Senior high school male and female track / cross country athlete who embodies the qualities that Larry possessed. The idea was well received and in some small measure the loss I have been feeling is offset with joy and excitement. I hope that when these awards are made in the spring of 2016 I will be the one presenting the awardees.

As I get older Thanksgiving seems to have its mixed blessings, we celebrate another year given; hopefully wrapped in a warm blanket of friends and family. We also remember those who are ill or have died (I don’t like the word passed, too nice, death I think is hard) and in some measures I wonder about my final demise. All I really want at this point in my life is not to die a pain in the ass to anyone.

To my friends and family, I love you all, Happy Thanksgiving …………….. Mike

Month of Mike Done

As I write this, a Great Friend, with wife and daughter fly home after their annual trip east to visit family and friends. Their visit, a defining part of the “Month of Mike always ends too fast yet ends with the anticipation that next year we’ll simply pick up where we left off before. It has been that way for many years and hopefully for many more to come.

I am convinced that the “Running Gods” are telling me to play more Golf. Sounds like some sort of excuse, I have really enjoyed playing this month but I believe it to be true. This past Thursday we received a pallet load of labels, no big deal in itself but this time the truck had no lift gate, meaning a roadside unloading. Pilling my dolly high with cases of labels, I placed my right foot on a support, pushing hard downwards to lean the dolly back. My shoe, loosely tied popped off and I pile drove my foot into the pavement below.  To say this was a “Bit” painful would be an understatement, I immediately felt like I would hurl but managed to keep a measure of composure and a profound limp while I wheeled the “Devil Dolly” to the garage. I ran four miles today with a good bit of discomfort in the heel, not from the PF I’ve been dealing with but from my new and improved measure of self-inflicted accidental abuse.  UGH!

My month included Doctor Visits and normal tests for Cancer follow ups. The good news is there is no news, my tests came back clean. Next month I meet with the Gastroenterologist, another follow up. We should have an interesting conversation, later on that. I see the Podiatrist July 2nd about my foot, I imagine I'll get a "Green Light" to resume training in earnest.  

Resuming running has led to a reduction in pain medication but not to a degree that I am happy with (yet). Most of my runs have been three to five miles in length with about twenty miles logged last week. I can honestly say that I am not getting the same “Bang for the Buck” from running that I use to but I realize it might take time and more distance. I grow impatient, I don’t want to be put on medication I’ll have to take all the time, yet if I have to take Hydrocodone all the time what’s the difference.

For no good reason at all I feel much is about to change in a positive direction. There are many things spinning in our little family, kids doing well, Sue with a new school next year and me …….. Well, if I can keep from beating myself up perhaps I’ll get my act back on track.

Later

Mike