Winter Wonderland

Sunday I awoke to blue skies and heavy wet snow covering everything in sight. There would be no possibility for a trail run but I hoped that some adventurous runners would slap on hiking boots and come to blaze the early “Winter Wonderland”.

At eight fifteen, I realized trail blazing would be my domain and mine alone. The walk lasted about forty five minutes covering a couple of miles, travel was difficult with snow laden trees and Mountain Laurel blocking the way, however, it was spectacular. Hand warmers inserted in my gloves kept any stinging away and I became quite fast at getting my right mitten off and back on when I needed to work the camera. 

My brother and sister's visit was canceled on Saturday but they decided come Sunday, I'm sure they spent more time on the road then at the house but I was grateful they make the trek. Mom and Dad also showed up for an even shorter visit later in the afternoon. I only wish I felt better then I did as I was having an “off day”. It probably would have been smart to excuse myself for a quick twenty minute nap but I didn't want to do that seeing how short the my time would be with them anyway. Never the less my spirits were lifted and this will help me through the next round of chemo.

I need to keep telling myself that this next treatment will be the halfway point and it will simply be a “countdown” from there, easy to say. Countdowns are good, tomorrow....79 bottles of beer on the wall.

Mike 

October "Madness"

Just as the “Retail” Christmas seems to start earlier each year, winter seems to following right in line. Sitting here in the office with four inches of wet heavy snow all ready blanketing trees, ground and roadway I'm thinking the song “I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas” could be modified to “I'm Dreaming of a White Halloween”; sorry faithful “Trick and Treaters”

Power is out, wind is blowing but with the Generator humming along and an ample supply of firewood we should be set for a lazy “Not Going To Get out of My PJ's” day. Unfortunately this freak snowstorm means that the visit I expected from my sister Cathy and brother Bill has been postponed or possibly canceled all together.

Yesterday, just before I set out for a Reiki session Larry emailed me wondering if I was interested in joining him on a run on the C&O Canal. I knew I wanted to get a run in because of the impending weather and had planned on my five mile trail loop; I “Begged Off” asking Larry if I could get back to him later.

My Reiki sessions are nothing short of amazing, although not as stressed as two weeks ago, I need and look to these sessions as a way to prepare myself for the next chemo treatment. Dee and Lorette once again “worked Their Magic”, and as I walked out of the building I felt “Light on My Feet”, ready to join Larry. Returning home the “Deal Was Sealed” as two packages awaited me. My brother Bill attends weekly men's church group meetings and a new member, Jim Spivey, former Olympian, still holding the US record for the fastest 1500 meter run by an American in an Olympic final (1984) had sent me a new pair of road shoes and technical shirt. Jim works as a College Team Representative for ASICS and upon hearing of my battle sent these to me, If encouragement was the goal, it worked.... Thanks Jim.

I called Larry, “I have two questions, what time and how far?”.

“Ten miles”, was the answer , drawing in a breath I wondered if it might be a be a little much. No matter, the beauty of the canal training runs are they always are out and backs, meaning I could turn around at any point. My longest run since surgery has been eight and a half trail miles which included walking. A ten mile canal run just doesn't “justify” walking so this would be interesting.

Even though Larry “sold” this run as slow, it was still ten miles of a constant pace, something I have not done in many months. At four miles out I thought, “In For A Penny, In For A Pound”. I am happy to report it was a good decision and through nine miles I felt great, only when I bent over to remove a broken branch from the trail did I feel tightness and muscles reminding me, “It's been a While”. Ten miles was perfect, at the end I was tired but a good tired, the type one can appreciate after a good workout. It was also a huge confidence builder for the November 12^th 50K.

The only negative comments I need to make have to do with the side effects of chemo. There is no doubt that they are getting worse with each treatment and last longer after infusion is completed. I have little doubt that after a couple more of these I will be limited by outdoor exposure.

The psychological impact of this also becomes more difficult. I try not to fixate on what's ahead but it's hard not to. Imagine if you were told that in order to enhance your life, every two weeks, for four months you would walk a dark alley where four guys waited to beat the living daylights out of you. Each beating would be measured with the intensity increasing with each stroll. I certainly don't think of my health care professionals as thugs, they are there to cure me, to add me to the roster of Cancer Survivors but this is as hard an alley as I've ever had to walk.

This next treatment will place me half way through this adventure, the glass will be “Half Full”, and, as one of my runner friends said, “Mike, I'm sure you know how to count down”.

We'll as I finish this up it's 11:00 A.M., the “Official” time that it was supposed to start snowing, we have six inches of snow on the ground, the wind is blowing and our power is still off. Like I said earlier, a Great Day to stay in the PJ's.

In the Words of the Great Philosopher and the “Singing Fish” I have in the basement. “Don't Worry, Be Happy” ..... Mike

PS> I can never thank you enough Susan and Maggie, your love, support and patience will see me through.

Peak Color

Sunday morning was perfect for lacing up the shoes and heading out for a trail run. The air was crisp and though cool, it was warmer on the summit then in the valleys where frost was scrapped from widows. “My Woods,” are at peak color and even though fallen leaves made footing tricky it was one of the most pleasurable runs I've had in a while.

It's hard to describe how I feel as I start recovering from the effects of chemotherapy but it comes in “bursts” when all of a sudden I feel almost normal. This happened twice yesterday during my run, once after just a mile or so and then again after we had gone five miles. It's not that I notice I'm feeling good, rather I realize I'm running quickly and effortlessly.

I wish I could report that the feeling lasts but it is fleeting. In addition, for the first time I experienced acute neuropathy, numbness caused by exposure to cold. After each Sunday run, our group typically hangs around to discuss training, races, equipment and just BS. Even though it was in the fifties, I was wearing gloves but never the less my fingers started to tingle and then go numb. Returning home, it took a half hour of holding a warm glass of water between my hands before feeling returned. Guess I will be heading to a ski shop to find mittens featuring built in hand warmer pockets to keep my hands "Toasty Warm".

The rest of the day included office work, a good conversation with Joey, firewood cutting and even some football watching. By five o'clock in the afternoon I was tired but it was a “Good Tired”. By eight-thirty in the evening I was ready for a restful evening in bed which was not to come. I woke every hour needing to empty the ostomy bag to such a degree I was highly concerned about dehydration. I drank a quart or more water during the night, most likely keeping me out of trouble.

Seeing how the evening went I am pleasantly surprised that I feel decent this morning. Could be I just realized that there are only eighty-seven bottles of beer left on the wall ?

Stay Strong....Stay Happy......Enjoy ........ Mike

Round Three - Twenty More Hrs to Go

Well boys and girls I sit at my desk with the whirl of the pump, every thirty seconds or so sending another shot of 5-FU into my chest. Yummy!

This round of chemo on balance seems to be going better than the last but of course I'm not done yet. It may simply be that I'm just more prepared to cope with the side effects and continuous hang over feeling. Last night a new and exciting side effect presented itself, intense calf cramps. As the first one came on I watched my calf muscle have definition that would rival any body builder or even Larry Key's legs! It was really something to behold before I grabbed my leg and started yelling for it to stop.Today both calf muscles are are sore as if I had run a hard 50K.

I am excited to report that I am signed up for a 50K race on November 12^th. (The Rosaryville 50K) Susan just starred at me when I dropped that bombshell finally asking, “Your kidding, right?”. When I assured her I wasn't, I got a reluctant blessing after explaining the course consisted of three ten mile loops. In addition, I swore I would not push too hard and would stop after one or two loops if my body dictated so. A D.N.F. does not appeal to me in any way shape or form but the thought of just getting out there and being a part of the event is draw enough.

Some good news to post, my red blood cell count actually climbed up to being almost normal. On the down side my white blood cell count and the immune system are taking a hit but are still at levels where I can fight off infection. I'm washing my hands a lot these days and keeping out of public places as much as possible. Just anti-social me I guess.

Tuesday when I had my checkup with the Oncologist I had to tell him about the muscle tear or pull I did over the weekend. He advised me to take it easy and perhaps, “Not Cut Firewood for a while”. Well after I got home, waiting to be "Hooked Up"  I grew antsy and required some sort of physical activity to deal with it. Not having enough time to take a decent walk I decided to split firewood and was almost finished as the Home Care Nurse pulled into the driveway. BUSTED ! Hope I don't get “Ratted Out!” 

In my own way I complied, Hell, I wasn't cutting firewood only splitting it.

Be good, stay happy ....... Mike

A Hard Week

It was a hard week, several times I sat down to update my blog and each attempt ended the same, staring at a blank page with little enthusiasm or idea how to start.

Perhaps the most difficult challenge of the week was to understand how and why I was feeling the way I was. There were the physical aspects to contend with, the exam on Tuesday morning left me sore and unable to run until Saturday. Several patches of sores broke out on my head and I felt nervous and jumpy. My normal resting heart rate, typically in the high fifties or low sixties was in the seventies.

Mentally, I fought to keep my attitude upbeat but I was loosing the fight.

Friday morning, driving into Frederick for Reiki, my hands shook and my heart felt as though it was pounding out of my chest. Relaxation did not seem possible or probable but after thirty minutes with Dee I was able to turn a corner.

Saturday was cold and windy so for the first time I decided against running a race. Instead, I slept in running later in the day when it was warmer.

Yesterday I met my trail running buddies to run a slow but rewarding five mile loop followed by firewood cutting and a little football watching. Even had half of a steak for dinner which is the first steak I've had since August. (We will continue on a low meat diet)

Now for the “Bad news”, somewhere along the line, either when cutting, hauling or splitting firewood. I pulled or tore a muscle in my stomach just to the right of the main incision. If there is any “Good News” from this the damage is very isolated and only bothers me with certain movements. Through trial and error I found I could roll over in bed without pain by first bringing my knees towards my chest . Rolling over with legs straight was not a wise move.

So what will this week bring? Another chemo tomorrow with the expected “First Bite Blues” and Sensitivity to cold. I can handle that and more as long as I can keep my head together.

Congratulations Mel and Joe for your half Marathon performance!

Ninety Four Bottles of Beer on The Wall ....... Mike

Missing the Point

There is a report on the news this evening of a Marathoner who ran twenty miles, caught a bus, hid out until the lead runners passed and then got back on the course to finish third in the event. It's not the first time this has happened but right now I only have pity for the fool.

Prevailing through adversity requires strength, some find it in faith, others in family/friends, perhaps one's own internal makeup, work, and yes though running.

It's no surprise that running has be one of the important elements in how I am dealing with my ordeal. I am a beneficiary to the power of running, and now, as I cut back my expectations each run somehow becomes sweeter, an affirmation that  still I am. So how pathetic is it that that this Marathoner totally missed the point, it's not about winning (although that is pretty sweet), it's about the journey.

Ninety Eight Bottles of Beer on the Wall.

Mike

Numbers Game

My visit with Dr. Berg today confirmed my suspicion that surgery to reattach my colon will wait until Chemotherapy is completed. I'm not surprised but I am disappointed.

Perhaps it all becomes a numbers game to me now. Six more rounds of Chemotherapy (eighteen days), eighty-one days until the end of the year, ninety one days until my next appointment with Dr. Berg and then a week or two to get surgery scheduled? January something?

Like the song “ A Hundred Bottles of Beer on the Wall” it may seem endless as you sing your way through it but eventually, mercifully, you arrive at the end.

So there you are ..... Mike

The Weekend

Tomorrow I have an appointment with Dr. Berg, and at this moment I am trying to prepare myself, if as I suspect, the operation to reconnect the “Plumbing” will be postponed until after chemotherapy is completed in December. Our original expectation was by Thanksgiving.... We'll see

The past weekend was packed with lot's of activity that started with the FMH (Frederick Memorial Hospital) Pink Ribbon Run for Breast Cancer. Feeling pretty good and with a warm morning I decided I could run it. Even before the race started good “vibes” were in the air. Walking up to register I heard a voice behind me yell, “Hey Mike Your Support Team is Here !” It was two of the Nurses who have been responsible for my Treatments at the FMH Cancer Center. With both of my arms around their shoulders we walked towards the starting line. Can a guy get luckier ?

I know I shouldn't have a thought about actually competing but what the hell, it's simply in my nature.

On the starting line I did what many runners do, look around for who you need to beat. Now I'm not cocky enough to be thinking about the overall results, but my age group, now that's a different story.

To my right was a guy in my age group sporting a “Pot Belly”, no problem there, even with chemo going on. To my left however I saw the “Trouble Maker”, lean and mean a natural looking running machine with Graying hair. Humm....

The gun goes off and within a minute my GPS shows a six thirty pace as I try to keep up with “Trouble Maker”. Even though I'm back to my seventh grade weight I realize that this pace simply will not be sustainable so I need to let him go. Who knows, maybe he'll burn out.

Some people would say the Baker Lake 5K course has hills but really, they are simply inclines that simply kicked my butt, I had to slow down; I felt like I was “Running At Altitude” a likely result of a dwindling red blood cell count.

Results, OK here it is, 23.29 good enough for 15^th overall and Second (as I suspected) in my age group. But that does not really indicate what I really got out of this race.

After the race there was a long line for the ladies room while the men's room, with it's broken lock stood empty. I suggested that the ladies make use of it as I would “stand guard”. As I attended to my new found duties I heard a woman laughing say “Well I'm a two time Hospice Reject”. There was a time in my life when I wouldn't have asked, but now, with most of my inhibitions gone I asked.

“I was supposed to die twice but I wouldn't. I've got forty percent of my stomach, a rebuilt bladder”,   lifting her tee-shirt up just a touch, “And a tumor that makes a sixty four year old look pregnant!” I told her I was fighting cancer as well to which she pulled off her wig and said. "Well at least you still have your hair (Naturally challenged as mine is.) She had just walked five kilometers, standing in line  laughing and smiling. She will never know it, but at that moment, what I have dealt with, what is ahead, became somewhat relative. I'll say it again, “You Women are far tougher then us men”

The rest of the weekend was chock full of other good events, including , seeing my Nephew play Rugby, my son Kevin perform, Patrick cutting the grass without my asking, a nice trail run, cutting firewood, great foot rubs from Maggie, my running friends Larry and Steve completing their 100K and 100 miler races and as always the love and support from Susan.

I am certainly am lucky man..... Mike

Battle Between The Ears

It's Friday and the weather could not be more perfect. Blue skies, warm days and chilly nights have been here for a few days and may hang around for a few more.

For the past nine years Fall has brought Marathons and Ultra Marathons, long back to back training runs with "clean" crisp morning air replacing heat and humidity. It became apparent yesterday that I may not be able to enjoy these mornings as I have in the past. Heading out wearing light gloves for a run it wasn't long before I could feel the Hyper-Sensitivity to the cold kicking in. Sticking my hands in the pocket of my vest helped but essentially I was done.

Hopefully this side effect from the Oxaliplatin will pass soon as I plan on running a local 5K and lead a short five mile trail run Sunday morning.

I did return later on in the day to meet my Thursday afternoon trail running friends, but even then, I had to cut my run short as the sun set and it started to get chilly.

Certainly it won't help to fixate on what might or might not be, I realize that, however the thought of not being able to enjoy my morning runs is as hard hitting as anything else I'm going through.

The battle in front of me will certainly be physical, I can handle that,  but it's what's going on between the ears that will be my hardest climb.

Cold Door Knob Blues

Whoa.......

It was cool morning here on the Mountain but I didn't think anything of it as I walked Maggie out to the School Bus. Returning to the house I grabbed the door knob, with no warning "painful electric pricks" shot from my fingers down my arm.

I can now join the ninety five percent of Oxaliplatin recipients who experience this sensation . Hopefully I'll be able to hold off on full blown neuropathy for at least a few more treatments. I'm experimenting with the FSTS (Shocking First Taste Syndrome). Last night I, in multiple steps, I was able to handle increasing strengths of diluted orange juice until, drum roll .......... with no water added  I avoided the sensation. It worked with coffee this morning but not with the hash brown. I'll take the discomfort rather then blend up my hash brown.

Last night Sue and I had a quiet thirty year wedding anniversary. To our surprise Maggie had found a lot of old pictures of Sue and I, spanning our dating and early baby years. These were laid out on the dining room table for us to enjoy. It was the highlight of the evening.

Later ...... Mike

Pump Me Up II

The intermittant wiring of the potrable pump sends another shot of 5-FU down the tube. It's been doing it's thing for a couple hours now with only another forty four to go.

The Oxaliplatin hasn't wasted any time showing it's hand. The "Shocking First Taste Syndrome" hence to be known on this blog as S.F.T.S. or SFTS for short has returned bigger and better then before. It's now a head shaking eye popping two or three seconds of pain followed by nothing.

The hyper sensisitivity to cold has not presented itself yet but a cold cup of apple juice at lunch time did bring some strange tingling feeling to the back of my throat.

Time will tell but I'm optimistic that round two won't be too bad.

Mike

Chair II

Today marks thirty years that Susan and I have been married. How the hell she ever stayed with me this long may be the stuff that "Unsolved Mysteries" may profile on a future show.

Thirty year anniversaries are often celebrated with Pearls, unfortunately Pearls simply are not in the budget so a hand made card given to Sue will have to suffice. I did mention, that Mom has offered to spend a couple of days with Maggie so Sue and I could get away. This probably won't happen until sometime next year but I'm sure time will pass faster then I can imagine.

Judy, my nurse for today was kind enough to take a photograph of me sitting in "The Chair" which I will add to the post sometime later today. Having been through this process once before I'm not as intimidated but still it's disconcerting to watch the Oxaliplatin dripping down from the IV stand.

I can't help but wonder if I'll tolerate this second treatment as well as I did the first. My CBC (complete blood count) showed that my red blood cell count is now below normal. This was quite a shock for me as my counts were quite good as recently as this past Wednesday. The cumulative effects of the drugs will at some point rear their ugly heads, I have no doubt of that but I'm hopeful much of the worse will wait until the last couple.

To my right two people have come and gone, both of whom are near the end of their treatments. Across from me is a woman who has been joined by her husband receiving her first treatment. It is an emotional moment made easier with his presence. Once again the prevailing mood of the room is upbeat despite the seriousness of our situations. It is a tribute to the human condition that in the face of adversity so many here continue to smile as they endure.

Later ...... Mike

Patrick's First 5K

For twenty eight minutes and some odd seconds today I was no longer a Cancer patient, instead I was a proud father running with a son in his first 5K race. I have run many races over the years, most of which I have forgotten but this will always hold a special spot in my mind and soul.

Patrick did great, knowing how to pace oneself is perhaps the most difficult aspect of running your first race and we almost “nailed it”. Our first mile started slow because of the crowd but once weaved through the masses we managed to log about a nine minute mile. Perhaps I pushed a little too hard, running the second next mile in eight and a half minutes. At two miles Patrick looked good and his breathing was well under control. With just under a mile to go we exited left the C&O canal running a hill through a series of switchbacks. We had covered more the half of the hill when Patrick felt a calf starting to cramp. We ending up using a fast walk to complete the hill the resumed our run to the finish.

As we crossed the finish line I grabbed Patrick’s hand and lifted it above our heads. I don't think I have ever purchased a race day photograph before, but, in this case, if the photographer caught the moment I'll be ordering one. It was just so awesome.

Sue, Maggie and a couple of Patrick’s' Shepherd classmates cheered us as we finished and Sue took the photograph of the two of us.

People have often asked me “Why Do You Run?”. Today I can add a new reason, “To Forget About Cancer”; having been blessed today for twenty eight minutes and some odd seconds with absolute forget-fullness.

Mike