2013 Ends

This morning I hiked in a cold pouring rain with my head "bouncing" from thought to thought.

The weather, though particularly nasty was my option to experience. I could have just as easily stayed indoors in the comfort of my house or office. Yet hiking allowed me to think about the coming Year (I do my best thinking on the trails), and what it might bring, hopefully brighter days then the year who is closing it's doors.

This entire past week has been a time of reflection, there has been virtually no business activities over the holiday. There has also been reminders that I am not the same as I was just a few years ago. Monday evening I was a "stones throw" from having Sue take me to the hospital, pain in my gut grew intense enough to double me over and send me to bed by seven P.M.. While I probably will never know the cause I suspect just getting out of my normal routine and not drinking enough water left me dehydrated.

On the flip side, last night I spent the entire evening virtually 100% pain free with no assistance from pain killers or drink. This after a day of dual trail runs and several hours of cutting, hauling, splitting and stacking firewood. Odd isn't it that a high degree of physical activity should leave me pain free, the first time naturally in two and a half years. It was wonderful.

I am also waking up often with almost one hundred percent feeling in my feet, of course a minute or two of walking and "Mr. Left and Right" dulls up but I'm feeling this is heading in the right direction.

With the feet getting better of course the hands have to bring balance by being as big a pain in the ass as ever. The cold weather aggravates whatever is going on and I need to be careful when the temperature falls under fifty degrees.

As this year comes to it's conclusion I will focus on those things I can control and try to forget about those which I cannot. There is much on my plate, no doubt I will feel pressure, yet I have gained a perspective over these past couple years which should help me to be a better husband, father, brother, son and friend ..... and after all, isn't that all that really counts?

Happy New Year All.

Mike

Twins

Monday I drove down to Baltimore to pay last respects to a “Business Friend”, an individual that I have worked with for twenty plus years, just a great guy.

Personally, I know of no one who would include viewings and funerals in their “These Are a Few of My Favorite Things” song. (Although there are some twisted souls who might). In addition I have never seen a corpse who looks good, they look dead; not a good look even if you’re a vampire.

Seeing my friend laid out, he did not seem to bear any resemblance to the man I had known, I even considered that perhaps I was in the wrong room….. Until ….. There he was ……. Standing right in front of me ……… A Vision, Hallucination, Out of Body Experience ……. No none of the above …….. For my friend in twenty some odd years ………… never mentioned …………. His identical twin brother.

Goodbye Fred, I’ll miss you.

Mike

Surprise

Monday afternoon a box truck arrived with a early Christmas gift from a great friend and his family.

If you have not read my blog then you'll never understand the significance of "The Putt", an entry I made after participating in a charity golf event. Well to be perfectly honest I had forgotten it as well but the "Special Santa's" had not and their "Santa" Box Truck delivered what the "Golf God's" had "Robbed" me of.

The element of surprise, it is so variable.  Sometimes arriving as a nescience, a wakeup, a PITA, new joy or the devil you did not want to dance with. In any case, surprise takes many forms. In the past few days surprise has spanned a gamut for me, yet Monday afternoon, after good news, snow and ice shoveling the day ended with a total surprise I had not counted on.

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa. (New York Sun 1897)

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.
Thanks and Happy Holidays all ... Mike

PS> At Sixty Years Old I still feel like a kid

All Clear

Well excepting for ice, snow and freezing rain received yesterday and early AM today I managed to make my appointment with Dr. Goldstein, my oncologist.

I am happy to report that my CT Scan came back with no indication that anything is wrong with me. Well nothing

So, now very much relieved here is where I am at.

The side effects from the treatments and surgery linger on but seem to be getting better. I have identified many "Triggers" which send my body into complete revolution including ...... drum roll ....... intense physical exercise.

The irony that I can go out and run ten fifteen miles on the trail at a twelve minute pace with no issues. Give me a 5K ..... Running Hard ..... A Price Will Be Paid. This past weekend I ran a ten miler at the Byron Run in a comfortable hour twenty and the spent four hours in the can. Well, I can deal with that.

I received bad news for a couple of friends in the last forty eight hours. I imagine it's just life but I surely do wish that just prior to Christmas, bad news would cease.

I am happy with my news, ready to put 2013 behind me and look ahead to brighter days.

Mike

JACK and CAT

It has been eleven days since JFK. In those eleven days I have seen some really good days and some which I would have preferred to have passed by.

Tomorrow I head down to be scanned; (CAT Scan) to see if there might be any signs of Cancer. Depending upon how you look at it this shall be two years after treatment ceased.

I’m nervous yet hopeful as well, I have recovered well after my 50 miler and am feeling pretty darn good even if my alter ego (Mr. GI) hasn’t been fully cooperative.

My eight mile run this morning took a whole lot of edge off of me and I suspect everything will be just fine ……… yet …… I wonder …….. and yes worry.

I am hopeful ……. the shot of “stuff” they will give me tomorrow before the scan will elicit the same “Jack Daniels Effect”; I had the first time ; a warm glow flowing through the body. (Just like doing a real shot after a long day of hiking)  They told me at the first one it might make me feel like I have to “Pee”.

Bring it on!

Enjoy ….. Mike “O”

JFK 10 Complete

JFK Number 10 is complete.

There have been only a few times in my life that I been so consumed by an event. While it may be perfectly normal to have a case of “The Nerves” prior to anything we deem important I have been obsessed for months.

There are rare moments in life when everything comes together to produce the extraordinary; Saturday November 23, 2013 was one of them.

Early in the week the weather forecast for Saturday looked bleak. Rain, Wind and Cold would have meant a long and miserable fifty miles. By Thursday the forecast was much better, yes there might be some cold and wind but it would hold off until the end of the day. The forecast was right on the money and for me, almost perfect.

My week long pre-race preparation went even better than planned starting off with a fantastic Monday nine mile hike up Old Rag Mountain in Virginia. Sleep was hard to come by but the diet was on target even if my planned “illness” wasn’t enjoyable.  

Saturday morning I felt good, the best I have felt in weeks. Legs were “fired up” just itching for running, Achilles happy and GI Track quiet. Sue and I left the house at 5:15, and for the first time in quite some time I felt like “I can do this”. My running partner, Craig and I agreed we would run “our own races” as both of us would be dealing with issues.

The entire portion of the race to the C&O Canal things could not have gone better. My plan was to slow down, aiming to reach the canal in about three hours. I was there in three hours and five minutes. With Sue waiting for me I was able to get a change of shoes, hot broth and baked potato chunks rolled in salt. A hug and a kiss later I headed off to “Meet the Beast”, the C&O Canal.

The canal is my nemesis, as a trail runner I don’t have the training for the repetitive motion that canal or road running demands. Though I train on the C&O for months previous to JFK it’s not enough and often this becomes apparent during the race, today would be no exception.

I felt good as I started on the canal but not quite as good as I had hoped, I wasn’t tired or sore but my legs did not want to move any faster than they had on the Appalachian Trail, even so, this was a pace that, if kept up would let me finish somewhere around ten hours.

Twenty four miles into the race all was well, I was at a relaxed pace, one I thought I could keep up forever when “Crunch”.

There was no immediate pain, nothing that screamed “What the Hell”, yet, just like laying on the ground after a fall, thinking “This is Going to Hurt” I knew my left knee would “speak”, it was only a matter of time. When pain started it was pinpoint, while uncomfortable, workable. When the pinpoint expanded, radiating downwards towards my already questionable Achilles tendon I knew it was time to walk. As time progressed walking a minute or so would allow me to run slowly for several minutes, this was a pattern I would repeat over and over again.

Not the hero I indulged in pain medication, not enough to get completely rid of the pain but enough to keep everything tolerable.

At mile thirty I was joined by son Patrick who would pace me for four or five miles. It was the first time any of my children had run with me at JFK which made it very special. I must admit to asking for a piggy back ride but as Patrick pointed out, it probably would have slowed our progress down.

At mile thirty eight two of my running friends, Larry Key and John Kippen meet me to “bring me home”, I was grateful. The pain medication was working enough to allow some running but more important the presence of my friends kept my head in a good place.

Finally, the end of the canal, with a quick handshake and hug Larry turned around and ran four miles back to his car; John would run the final eight miles with me.

When you leave the canal there is hill immediately “In Your Face”, some runners might feel this a special type of torture but I welcome it. Not only do I like trudging up the hill I look forward to rounding the first turn to see a stranger, the one who sets up a table complete with snacks and cups of cold beer. Yes, at mile forty two I’ll allow myself to indulge with a beer. Someday, I’m going to have to drive down that road and leave a case for that kind gentleman.

John talked me in (and others) the last eight miles, as each mile marker was vanquished I could be privy to another story. Perhaps story number sixty two or story number something or other that Kimball Byron and he couldn’t repeat out loud. As we passed or were passed by other runners there was always a “Hello, where are you from?” coming from John. This was just fine with me for all I had to do was to listen.

Three miles to go, it was getting dark, it was getting cold, it was windy and I was well of my mark. Three miles ahead a number of people stood in the wind, getting cold, wondering and waiting for at the finish.

Ironic isn’t it, while friends and family shivered I was actually quite warm and comfortable.

One mile to go John, had me kiss the mile marker, a tradition he had been carrying on for many of his JFK finishes. “Upper Left Hand Corner, has to be the Upper Left Hand Corner”, he said. I have to admit at that point in time it took a second to discern left from right. The marker, now “Happy” allowed John and I to trudge on to the finish.

How sweet that final hill, those bright lights, applause of the crowd, announcement of your name and the receipt of your medal. The hugs, handshakes, fist bumps and kisses as emotion builds to displace any pain or fatigue. The long walk back to the car, the ride home, the “I did it” phone calls, a cold beer, warm bath as all becomes a memory.

This journey started eleven years ago as a mid-life challenge, I have seen and come through much since then. I have discovered during those years we are enriched by those around us far beyond anything we can by our own efforts.

I will continue running but this may have been my final ultra-event. We will just have to wait and see.

How can I thank all of you who have made this moment happen, I simply cannot. To my wife, children, family and friends, my running companions who have endured TMI my deep appreciation and love. To the many others who have been instrumental in my battle over cancer also my deep appreciation and love.   

- - - - - - - -

Final Time 10:55:38    

Pacers: Patrick O’Grady / Larry Key / John Kippen

Waiting Crew: Susan / Kevin / Maggie / Larry / Craig / Debbie / Steve / Randy / Jim / Jon / Lisa    

YO YO Man

It’s quite a ride I’m going through lately, five days up, two days down.

In all honesty my training for the JFK 50 has exceeded all expectations. What bothers me is that all will depend of the fickle nature of five feet of large intestine.

Thank God I don’t have to listen to myself. Over the past few months, friends who have asked, “How are you doing?” often wish they never asked. (TMI I’m afraid) Recently I have noticed a distinct drop off of questions regarding my health. “How about those Redskins”, might be a quick diversionary substitute? Well, they suck almost as bad as my guts do.

Never the less, my “Plan” is now set. Race preparation will start Tuesday night with a double dose of Miralax, this will, well you might guess …. Start things rolling Wednesday.

Wednesday evening I will enjoy a soup type dinner along with ¾ to 1 bottle of a nice Merlot which will keep the “fun” rolling into Thursday.

Thursday and Friday will be low fiber days with lots of rice and pasta.

We’ll see …… the plan is set. If I succeed it might make an interesting article for Ultra Running Magazine.

Thanks to all my patient friends, my patient wife and family. I could not have gotten this far without you.

I will not post until after the race, finish or not it has been one hell of a ride.

Mike

Sunday November 3ed

Following last week’s C&O Canal Run experience I must admit being quite uncomfortable with the idea of a JFK training run with a group.  It worked out just fine. In fact had Sunday been JFK day I’m sure I would have finished the race. Our run ended up with twenty eight miles, covering all of the AT portion and half of what we will have to run on the canal. I was tired, my feet were sore but overall I was pleased with how I felt.

There is no explanation to my good fortune, there was no special preparation. The two day prep of low fiber / liquid diet was “tossed” to the dogs as a miserable failure.

Truth be known, Susan and I enjoyed a nice evening out inclusive of a couple glasses of red wine the night before the run. Perhaps this will be incorporated into JFK preparation eighteen days from now.

On the drive to meet my fellow runners I was fortunate enough to witness an extremely stunning sunrise. The photograph does not do it justice.

Mike

Best Made Plans

If I learned nothing else Saturday:

NEVER TO TIE YOUR RUNNING SHORTS if you have GI issues.

Following the success of last week’s twenty mile run I was confident that yesterday’s run would even be better. A perfect fall morning if ever one were to be had. White Grass, painted with Frost looked good against deep blue cloudless skies. Five of us met with different mileage goals but we decided to run together.

Craig and I were looking for twenty two, Don and Jim sixteen, Randy and Riley (Randy’s Golden Lab) twelve.

Six out and back looked like the best way to start.

I felt good as we started, confidence boosted by a dietary plan followed for the previous two days. Thursday was Deemed “Low Fiber Day”, Friday, liquid diet day. (No not beer)

The reasoning for this approach was simple, Near Zero x GIissues = Near Zero Issues or Nothing in the Pipeline, No Problems.

Perhaps two miles into our run I knew something was not working to plan. At mile ten all hell broke loose.

I had hoped to make it back to our starting point but it was not to be. Off to the woods I went, it wasn’t too bad, I had plenty of time and lots of trees to hide behind. The second time wasn’t bad and without thinking I tied my running shorts as I “Put Myself Back Together”.

Number three, three times a charm? This was no charm and there was no time. As I bounded off the C&O I prayed that no one would run or ride by while my shorts were hugging my ankles. When I tugged my shorts I realized I had to untie them. Why is it I would invoke the Lords name at a time like this? “Oh God, Jesus, hurry up”

The fourth attack was like the third but without the need to untie my shorts. YES!

To say I felt like ^%&* after the fourth time would be accurate and appropriate. It was a long mile and a half back to the car and I had convinced myself my day was done.

Sensing that something was wrong Randy waited with Craig in case I needed a ride home. I was ready to quit until something “Clicked”. I had the foresight to put a pain pill in my fanny pack, I took half.

It took about two miles when I started feeling better, by the time Craig and I covered our “Five Out”, I was better yet.

At the completion of our run I’ll admit I was tired but I was elated as well. Had I given into temptation and quit I would had not experienced the ability to come back. Now I know that if I have a problem during JFK, one way or another I can try to work through it. Apologies in advance to whomever might get mooned.

Thanks to my friends, again.

Mike

Feeling Lucky

On occasion I go a bit “crazy” ….... like I did this afternoon, …... my home page ,“GOOGLE” showed a “I'm Feeling Lucky Button”. To be honest I don't know why I clicked on it as “I'm Feeling Like “*@#$” would have been far more appropriate.

Perhaps it was fate; I was lucky, the click took me to works of art, new and classic that I paged through for the better part of a half hour.

For that half hour I was fully engaged; forgetting that my GI tract was hell bent on punishing me for some totally unknown reason. I don't care who you are; after ten to fifteen trips to the can most of us enter the “This is not fun” state of mind.

As I paged though the pages I was drawn into the emotion, composition, colors and depictions of men/women, I began to feel at peace. Pain lessened and my mood reversed itself.

I have no great insights to offer nor recommendations ..... but I do know this ….. The next time I feel like “*@#$” I'll seek out art or listen to some classical music.

On another note, my JFK training is going OK. If my body gives me any cooperation on race day I think I'll make it.  My running friends are amazing with how they are supporting me. Thanks Guys (and Gals)

Mike

Sweet Dreams

Another sleepless night I'm afraid, a good time to catch up with the blog.

About a week ago I made one of my breakfast shakes with a fresh Pear and believe there was an immediate improvement to my system. For the past week, the addition of Pears, be it my "Wonder Fruit" or just pure coincidence may just be what I need to help me get through JFK. While my GI Track is still screwed up I have been able to complete several long runs and a 5K without issue. 

Now to tackle this "Sleep Thing"

There have been many times in my life when sleep was difficult to come by but but rarely has it been as bad as this. Last Wednesday for example, after putting in almost eighteen miles of running I went to bed physically and mentally tired. I fell to sleep almost right away only to wake up less than an hour later, I would not sleep again that evening.

The odd thing is that it's not that I'm having one of those nights when thoughts of work, family or issues are filling my head with angst. It's not some invisible song repeating itself over and over that can't be "Turned Off". Nope my head is pretty empty (OK easy shot here) I just can't sleep.

Short of wrapping my head in Tin Foil to keep radio waves and other "Alien Beams of Energy" from entering my mind, I've tried just about all the "Tricks" I know to no avail. 

All right some good news ...... I participated in the Frederick Pink Ribbon run this past Saturday winning my age group. I ran twelfth overall in just a few seconds slower than in the Susie's Cause 5K. The "Odd Thing" is that I finished twelfth overall for the second time in a row, I would imagine that the odds of that are pretty remote but I've done it before in the 2007 / 2008 JFK's, finishing two hundred twenty third out of fields of around a thousand, having a twenty minute time differential between races. WEIRD !

Enjoyed a thirteen and a half mile run Sunday morning ( No Issues) but hardly slept again Sunday night.

All right it's now 2:20 in the morning, I'm finally getting sleepy enough to head back to my room. If sleep comes let's hope the clock display is beyond 3:20 when I look at it.

Sweet Dreams ............ Mike

Cruel Cruel Golf

Golf is a wonderful, fun and cruel game all of which can be experienced in the same round.

Today I played in a charity event for the benefit of Saint Jude’s Hospital. A scramble or captains choice event (as some call it) I would be paired blindly with my fellow playing partners.

Imagine my surprise when our group is a threesome and my playing partners are a guy who hasn’t played in a year and a gal who is joining us after a thirteen year layoff.

Often in these events a threesome may have a distinct advantage, if the players actually are familiar with the game. This comes from the second shot a player can hit to make up for the “missing man”. For someone hitting the ball well …………….. Let’s just say “Green Light Special”. There would be something else special for my appearance today. For the first time ever, I got to play from the senior tees.

Our first hole was a par three, I hit second, sending the ball ten feet from the stick. Our lady partner would get “Two Whacks”, swing one a complete whiff, obviously to the trained eye a mere practice swing. Ooops, strike two but finally metal made contact with plastic and the ball politely dribbled to the front of the tee. I took the two putts, each hitting the hole and spinning out. Predictions began to echo through my head, could we shoot par?

There was a calm feeling as I stood on the next tee. From the senior tees these holes look really short ……….. Swing easy.  Three hundred yards later a twenty yard chip shot was all which was left. Birdie!

The Eagle on the next hole heightened my senses, perhaps this might go better than I had expected and indeed it did.

We hit all eighteen greens in regulation and had I been able to putt we might have won the event. We were a highly respectable ten under par with yours truly only making two putts. I did not putt poorly, indeed I burned edges and lipped out all day long.

Once again the putter served to beat on me, to tease me with the “almost, would of, could of, should of “.  Until, yes …….. Until the long putt competition.

A fifty foot challenge with ten feet of left to right break.

We passed the putting green in the middle of our round; five bucks rewarded three whacks at it. What the hell I thought, I’ll try because we sure could use that fifty inch LCD TV, the prize for closest or in.

Perhaps the touch of an angel smoothed the stroke, rolling the ball in almost perfect harmony with the world. With twelve feet to go the force of gravity broke the ball hard to the left, with two feet left there was a chance. Oh, so close as the ball slid past the hole on its back side, stopping a mere four inches from the intended destination. Now for a surprise, I thought the attendant would send my ball back but he announced, “You have to leave that ball there”.

With this “Local” rule it was more like Bocce Ball than golf. If I knocked my first putt away with either of my remaining efforts, well, tough luck. As you might imagine neither of the other putts were as close.

Tournament over one solitary golfer stands on the putting green. There is no doubt he is the last as they are close to awarding prizes. I had just sat down with a well-earned cold beer and some veggie snacks.  

Whack, a screamer of a putt ten feet wide of the hole and twenty feet past. I breathe a little easier seeing who will be the last player to try to best me. The second stroke resembles the first but perhaps has been hit even firmer as it screams down the green it all good chance to move thirty feet past the hole.

DON”T COUNT YOUR CHICKENS UNTIL THEIR HATCHED. How many times have I head that?

This screaming putt hits the flagstick, jumps straight up in the air a good two feet only to land right back in the hole. OH MY GOD!

If there is insult to injury, the winner takes his third and final putt placing it no closer than twenty feet from the cup.

I LOVE GOLF, I HATE GOLF, THAT TV WOULD HAVE LOOKED REAL NICE IN THE LIVING ROOM. IT’S GOLF, NOTHING ELSE NEEDS TO BE SAID..... Mike

---

Reincarnation

I would imagine that it is quite normal for anyone who has had a cancer diagnosis to consider the possibility that cancer would win. This could trigger, as it did with me, a look at what might or might not be waiting for us after death.

Today, two and a half years ago, after I received news I had cancer, I have it figured out ………. I’m coming back as a cow.

Sunday started this line of thought …. I won my age group at the Susie’s Cause 5K. (My friend Kristin won first woman) While winning my age group sounds great, keep in mind that the next sixty plus year old finished almost twenty minutes behind me. Now in my defense I was twelfth overall and just a few seconds behind the guy who won the fifty year old division. (OK a small pat on my shoulder)

Twenty minutes after a good 5K finish I was sprinting to a Port-O-Potty, an hour and a half later, my foot pressed hard on the gas pedal of “Big Red”, speeding the ride home.  Ten seconds in the driveway was almost too long, but I made it to the office bathroom. The extra fifty yards to dash to the house might have been out of reach.

So, after a week of intense “activity”, with plenty of time to think (I have adapted the Thinkers Pose) I may have come to the conclusion that the Hindu’s belief in reincarnation may be correct. In this light, I have to assume that I am merely being conditioned for my next assignment ………. As a cow.

For anyone who has been around said animal no explanation required. For any who may not understand ….. For god sake …..  Get out more.

If we can’t laugh at ourselves then we are really in trouble, oops here we go again, have to dash off ….. Mike

 

Epson Salt

The instructions on the Epson Salt bag advised two to four teaspoons dissolved in eight ounces of water. With the exception of prepping for a “Rooter Router Job” (Colonoscopy) I have had no need and hence have no experience with laxatives. I imagine for thirty some odd years my love of beer had been enough to place me in a “Relaxed” state.

When I started running Ultra Marathons I had little idea that my GI track would be a limiting factor. Now, at sixty, with the effects of radiation, chemotherapy and surgery I find myself in need of experimentation to be able to participate in that which I love.

“How are you doing?” the doc says. “I’m making progress, but I’m really having a real issue when my runs get beyond ten or twelve miles” ……. A pause follows .........I’m sure the good doc is thinking “Well just don’t run more than ten miles”

Sorry, not the answer I want to hear…..… I’m not upset, I realize that I must appear to be some sort of freak and I need to figure this out for myself. It's not all that bad, I don’t mind “Mooning” the wildlife of Gambrill State Park on training runs but human animals along a race course may not be forgiving or appreciative of the struggle.

So here is the thought process ……. Little or nothing in the pipeline, little or nothing screaming to see the light of day?

Experimentation!

It’s 9:45 A.M. Thursday morning September the 19th, I have no appointments but I may want to go on a run with my buddies at 5:00 P.M. Two teaspoons dissolved in eight ounces of water, the low dose for an adult.

An hour later, rumblings, grumblings, nothing urgent so an easy walk to the comfort station started the process. The second hour inspired me to pick up the pace when nature called and in the third hour I decide to work downstairs to reduce the distance between me and the bathroom. I’m glad no one was around to hear the displeasure I uttered loudly with each visit. I am sooooo glad that I started with the minimum dose, proof positive that more is not always better.

At four o’clock, convinced there could not be anything left inside me I met my friends for a five mile trail run. No problem with the run but with a mile to go I ran out of gas (no pun intended). I think I was a bit dehydrated.

It’s now Saturday afternoon, my GI track isn’t 100% settled, I race tomorrow, Susie’s Cause 5K in Towson Maryland in the morning followed by five mile laps at Rick O’Donnell’s Memorial Run. Tomorrow will also be exactly two months before the JFK 50 miler.

 One side note, on one of my solitary runs this week I approached a large bolder in the trail. Without thinking I jumped up on it, went into “Four Wheel Drive” for a few feet and then jumped down the other side with a couple of bounds. As I mentioned there was “No Thought” in this maneuver.

IT WAS SIMPLY FUN

There is always hope ……………………….. Mike

A Good Morning Run

The past two days have been picture perfect, low humidity, deep blue skies with whiffs of white clouds rolling by. With temperatures peaking in the sixties it's my perfect idea for great running.

Today as I laced up my shoes my head could not stop thinking that this would be make it or break it as far as JFK was concerned. The plan was for sixteen miles, a run we call “The Cliffs” as our turnaround point is a cliff overlooking the valley between Frederick and Thurmont MD. In addition to providing a good view the large rocks might also reward the runner with a glimpse of a morning Rattlesnake warming itself in the sun. Today there would be no snakes, perhaps we were too early and it was still a bit chilly.

Saturday evening I had the best sleep I've had in weeks. After retiring at nine thirty I awoke an hour later to aching hands and feet; determined not to take a pain pill I rolled over thinking it would be a long night. I'm not sure when sleep came but when I woke I was shocked to see five thirty on the clock.

The run started well enough but after four miles the GI track started acting up, a half mile later I had to stop. Two miles later I had to stop again followed by another four miles later. Even though each one of these stops is an “energy sucker” I felt reasonably well. My Achilles, which I was most concerned about remained calm over the difficult terrain.

Fourteen miles into the run my body started to “tell me” it's been a while since I covered this distance. I was tired but not exhausted, glad when it was over, uncomfortable “downstairs” yet convinced that I can keep training for JFK.

It seems strange to me that I should have more GI issues then I did last year but that's the way it goes. I just need to figure it out.

Thanks for a Great Run Larry !

Mike

Rollback

It was one hell of a week with some highs and lows that I will not soon forget.

Throughout my recovery I have come to know the effect stress has on my body, and while it can be quite unpleasant it pales in comparison to the emotion of anger. 
 

While I don't care to elaborate on what angered me I managed to work myself up to a point where I was physically sick for a day and a half. Only when I could let it go could I began to recover. It was a powerful lesson, one I hope to never repeat again.

Yesterday I joined three friends for a round of golf for a local charity. The scramble format is often fun, especially for someone who no longer plays a lot of golf. Thirty years ago I played an extensive amount of golf and for five hours, somehow, I managed to role back time, playing to a level that I have not held for an entire round in years.

My playing partners commented that it looked as though I wasn't even swinging. Somehow, perhaps because I was tired, the swing was smooth and I stuck the ball dead solid almost every time. Drives were long and straight, more then a handful of iron shots settled a few feet from the pin. Putting, the enemy of my golfing career was good as well. During the round I made several birdies on my own ball.To say it was a good day would be quite the understatement.

This morning I ran five miles on the trails, tomorrow I'll be joining my running buddy Larry for hopefully a sixteen mile relaxed run which may just determine if the JFK Fifty Miler in November is still an option.

Surprise

Surprise, I spoke about that in my last post; how it may manifest itself in a positive or negative manor.

Wednesday evening my wife received a call telling us my father was in the Hospital having emergency surgery. Packing a bag I jumped into the car heading for Winchester. At about the same time my sister Kathy and Brother Tim jumped into their cars as well. As I'm the closest I made it to the hospital first; in the Surgical waiting room sat Father Leonard from Dad's church. Though I no longer attend church his presence brought a degree of comfort as we waited for news from the Surgeon.

At around ten thirty the surgeon spoke with us, it was the very best possible news we could have gotten. The blood clots which could have resulted in amputation of both legs were removed and Dad was doing well. We certainly weren’t out of the woods but it could not have gone better. Soon after Dr. Salem left Tim arrived to hear the news. We headed up to dads room and were there before he was wheeled in. He looked good for what he had been through.

Perhaps as we were receiving good news another family in another hospital received the worst, one of my friends died suddenly and unexpectedly.

Now it's Monday; Kathy stayed until the weekend, Tim took over and now it's my shift. It appears that he may be released today, unfortunately home bound instead of to a rehab facility as we (his children) had hoped for. I will move his “stuff” to the first floor in an effort to keep him there as much as possible but for anyone knowing my father there will be no guarantee. Dad has great neighbors and friends who will help but they simply cannot provide the 24/7 care that I think Dad needs for a week or so; I can't either. I can only hope his stubbornness will not take him down a bad path.

As for me, I'm tired. Anything out of my routine causes a surprising degree of physical distress that I feel intently in my hands, feet and guts. I have not slept much in the past week and the couch in the Hospital room just didn't work as well as my own bed.

Saturday morning I did get a twelve mile C&O Canal run in with my friend Craig. Six miles out, six back with an “Extra Bonus Surprise ” on the six back, with those miles requiring extreme “Butt Clenching”. (I made it) Afternoon training involved sprints to the bathroom, by evening, thankfully, I felt well enough to take the family to the Buffet.

Surprises , I don't really need too many more right now but if they come …................ I'll try to remember to keep a positive attitude.

Mike

Labor Day 2013

Labor day weekends have always been something I look forwards to; the demise of the hot humid days of summer morphing into the kinder gentler days of fall.

This one was a mixed bag.

The Thorpewood Race went well, much better then I could have imagined. On Saturday, the day before, I spent five or six hours marking the course with Mark Lawrence. Later, that afternoon I had a GI attack; bedtime that evening started at nine PM, by 1:30 A.M., not able to sleep, I caved in and took a pain pill.

I slept until six thirty, for me an eternity, when I awoke I felt normal. NORMAL,........ NORMAL …. a gift; nothing hurt, nothing numb no reason not to run except I just wanted to stay put and enjoy what I was experiencing. I laid in bed until 7:15; the last minute I figured I could linger and still make it on time.

I ran a good, a smart race finishing second in my age group and twentieth overall. Not bad for a sixty year old guy who has not been training.

Later that evening I got a call from my father who needed me to take him to the ER. 

Thankfully Dad ended up being all right and as for me, perhaps I found satisfaction in knowing how wrong I can be.  Just a few days prior I was in a dark place, a place I must admit I am fighting again, yet ….... the lesson I received …... things can be a lot worse and yes, we can always be surprised.

Come on Fall …......... Mike

Honesty

Honesty, I struggle with the concept, when friends or family ask how I'm doing. “Hanging in There”, sometimes code for, “I feel like crap but hope to feel better soon.”

Honesty with Susan is even more difficult; I will not hide what is going on or how I'm feeling. Often, when speaking, I know it's painful for her to hear, but I owe her nothing less then the truth. Her response is never anything other then to comfort me.

I have been thinking about honesty quite a bit lately, how honest should I be with myself and those around me. It is an interesting question. 

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I missed a follow up appointment today because of a serious accident (not mine) and have been lucky enough to reschedule right after the Labor Day weekend. Hopefully I might gain some insight as to why I seem to be sliding backwards instead of progressing ahead albeit at a snails pace.

Perhaps I'm unrealistic in my goals and aspirations, my reaction to my ten mile run last weekend was probably not hard to explain and the subsequent week of GI Track “Swings” probably completely within norms. Even so I grow tried and impatient with all of this.

There were a couple of splendid days; on Sunday I drove to stay with a friend at his cabin in the Western Maryland / West Virginia area. Monday and Tuesday spent on great hikes, my favorite being to visit Muddy Creek Falls. Located in Swallow Creek State Park, Muddy Creek Falls it is the tallest free falling waterfall in Maryland. If that were not enough the park boasts one of the only UN-lumbered areas in Maryland with breathtaking three hundred year old Hemlocks. 

Fun was followed by a full day of GI issues on Wednesday although I was able to get almost a full mile of a run in before I rushed home to be “Chained” to the head for the remainder of the day.

Thursday, feeling decent I did manage two short runs and a walk but today I'm back to feeling just shy of awful. Three nights of little sleep for no apparent reason may be to blame but I'm not sure.

I had Reiki this morning and as always it helped, just wish I could “Bottle It Up” and have it when ever I needed it.

This weekend I have entered the Thorpewood 10K Race. Last year I finished in an amazing second place. (Somewhat due to the Young Man in front of me getting lost). There is no way I'll be able to race hard unless through divine intervention so I'm looking to enjoy and know that I'm supporting a good cause. Well ....... sorry .......... that just sucks ...... I'd rather kick ass.

Enjoy the Labor Day Weekend

Mike

Another Sunday Morning

It's Sunday morning and while I write this post a dozen or so friends are enjoying a cool morning run on the "Blue Trail" Normally my absence would have been somewhat depressing and while I really would prefer to be with them I am not unhappy.

Yesterday I pushed my limits a bit too far.

My day started with a ten mile run on the C&O canal keeping about a nine minute pace with my running friends Craig and Debbie. It  was a cool and humidity free morning, truly rare for Maryland in August.  I knew at some point I my body would remind me that I had not done this for some time, only with a mile or less left it did. This was my longest run in months and all systems behaved (until I got home anyway).

Prior to the invite from Craig for a canal run I had signed up for a March of Dimes 5K race through one of the local Vineyards. Having a race through a winery is not that unusual but a start time of five in the afternoon was. Still, with live music, wine tasting and a great cause I had signed up even though I know I should not be racing.

I returned home before noon, sprinting first into the office to deal with a GI track that had little appreciation for a great ten mile run. In addition, my arms "Buzzed" from the elbows down, something I have not experienced before. For the next two hours I would return multiple times to the "Can" and began to wonder if I would be able to go to the race. I took half of a pain pill and laid down on the couch for a nap.

Rest often works wonders for me and by  the time I had to leave (4:00 P.M.) I felt pretty darn good so off I went.

On the starting line I told myself, "Just take it easy, enjoy". The course was a double loop course and I was pleasantly surprised when I completed my first loop in a hair under twelve minutes. Where do bad thoughts come from ? Hell I don't know but it came........... "Negative Split". After all, I felt pretty good, certainly wasn't carrying any excess weight and with the hills it should be my type of course. I guess the Achilles held out for about half a mile before it began "talking", in addition I began to feel the morning miles as I  started gimping up hills and running down without the benefit  of a full stride. It was a slow last mile.

Final time, twenty four twenty five, seventeenth overall, second in my age group. After the race I limped around for an hour or so, tried some wine and headed home feeling somewhat stupid but happy that I had run a race, my first since March.

Today the guts are quiet, the Achilles sore but not too bad, later I'll be heading to spend a couple days at a friends cabin hopefully getting in a hike or two. Life is good.

This past week, two people I know underwent Rectal Surgery, one person I followed on a Blog passed away and I ran my first race in months, I have much to be thankful for.

Mike

August 20, 2013

Cancer weighs heavy on my mind today.

When I started my Blog I started following blogs of other cancer patients. Two blogs in particular; Jen Hanks and Amanda Boyd drew my attention and soon my admiration. These women took on the disease with courage, determination and wonderful attitudes. As I went though treatment and as I continue to recover I have followed their journeys and have tried to be as strong as they.

Amanda's husband Mark, writes their blog, today my heart went out to him as Amanda is in her last days of life, her cancer came back. Jen Hank's cancer also returned and she moves forwards into round two of her battle.

In addition to Amanda and Jen a couple of individuals I know will undergo the same lower rectal surgery this week that I had two years ago. This will be followed by chemo; followed by (for one) a reversal, the other will have an Ostomy bag for the rest of his life.

I have just started another round of follow ups and am hopeful that I will get the “All Clear” in another month or so. It is nerve wracking. 

Speaking of "Nerve Wracking", I take Patrick to the M.V.A. for his driver test in about twenty minutes..... 

Mike

Saturday August 10th

Friday afternoon a single lightning bolt brought my business to a standstill.

While the rogue bolt was quite a distance from our building it had evil intent taking down our internet and to a lesser degree our phones. Phone service came back quickly but it's been four days with no email or internet.

Astounding is the word I would use to describe our dependence upon the internet.

We place and receive orders, process credit cards, invoice clients directly through our computer system. Email has replaced the telephone as the main form of communication. We receive and send software, label designs, graphics and support information as attachments to emails.

Without the Internet ............ We are dead in the water. Stress +3

Our call to Comcast Friday afternoon was answered with, “We see some service disruptions in your area”. Saturday morning the answer was, “There are no outages, turn your Modem off and power it back on again”. (Of course I had done this already). “OK, well get someone there Tuesday afternoon”.

Tuesday, Tuesday are you kidding? This is a business. Stress +3

Hoping the cable modem might have taken a hit my son got a list of approved cable modems and off to Staples I went. One hundred dollars later I returned with our electronic “Savior”. The Modem needs to be registered but our call went unanswered as the tech office closed an hour prior to my return. Stress +2

Monday morning arrives and tech support informs us that I have purchased the wrong modem. Stress +2 / Bank Account -100. “We will send someone out today”,

Stress -2. Finally we are moving in the right direction.

Our technician arrives and quickly determines there is no service to the office, no service at our junction box so it is somewhere down the line. His presence, Stress -1, may not get service back today, Stress +1 (Evens out).

Kevin walking into the office, “Dad we have a leaking pipe in the basement”. Priceless

My body, as tough as I may sometimes think I am no longer conceals the effects of stress. In a strange way perhaps it would be better for everyone to feel their hands hurting, their feet going numb and their guts churning to alert them to breath deeply, step back, relax and understand that shit happens.

Saturday evening, one of those perfect Maryland evenings, resembling late September instead of August, Sue and I entertained neighbors with a Margarita evening. Stress I'm afraid caught up with me and I had to excuse myself earlier then I would have liked.

Sunday morning I woke up feeling pretty good, albeit somewhat empty, to manage an eight mile run with minimal Achilles issues. Today I have have iced down a couple of times, I'm taking an anti inflammatory and am encouraged at how well I feel.

Sue starts back to work tomorrow, summer for us is over so we look ahead to fall.

Stay unstressed everyone.

Mike

PS> For some reason the post above sat for a week; since then my GI Track has been a disaster. My Sunday morning run (today) required three "bear in the woods stops" in five miles, the good news is that I still managed to log almost thirty miles for the week. A start. 

I fixed the leaking pipe in the basement (perhaps the most complicated repair I've done to date, ten connections to sweat), the Internet is fixed and fixed (perhaps more on that later); in it's infinite wisdom the universe has decided that another plumbing challenge is justified on the other side of the basement. This one is perhaps beyond my ability, might have to call the plumber. Oh well .......... no sweat ! 

"O"

Moving Ahead

Yesterday while shopping in the Weiss Grocery store I ran into Laurie Frey; Laurie is a key figure with the Maryland American Cancer Society; she is also someone who reads my blog and has been very encouraging to me.

Since she reads the blog, she asked how my running was coming, knowing that what I am dealing with “injury wise”, as far as running is concerned, has nothing to do with cancer. This made me think ….......

If my posts are more about running then Cancer then anyone reading my blog might consider that I am above and beyond the disease. Nothing could be further from the truth, in reality I that think about it every day. Reminded by my own physical clues from Buzzing Hands, Numb Feet and Guts that won't cooperate. Reminded by advertisements from the Cancer Center. Reminded at each three month checkup / followup. Reminded by those still fighting. Reminded from others who have friends or family recently diagnosed. Reminded from the occasional nightmare which takes me back to treatment days.Reminded by those who have lost their battle. 

No, I don't forget but I try to. Forgetting is a way of trying to feel normal. Forgetting will never change the past but it does help me get though day by day as dwelling certainly does not help. 

Cancer is and will be a part of me for as long as I live, there is no denying that. If I can't forget then I'll try to focus on that which is more positive.

So ..........  Achilles survived hiking in the Adirondacks, I am ready to start training for my tenth JFK Fifty Miler in November.

Mike

CAT-TYME

Once again it's almost time for the Catoctin 50K; with conditions looking quite favorable I will be assisting instead of participating. Honestly, I am disappointed ................. yet looking forward to my role at the aid station.

Except for yesterday things have been looking up.

My round of Golf Saturday went well, Sunday morning I managed the five mile loop with little difficulty with my Achilles. Monday morning I opted to ride the bike but Tuesday I walked four and a half miles with Sue and then ran four more late in the day. Wednesday, oh Wednesday now that was a different story.

The day seemed to start off well and I was feeling like I could walk in the morning and run in the afternoon. The morning was spectacular as cool dry air moved into the area. Sue and I started our walk, three quarters of a mile later my walk morphed into a brush jumping sprint to the woods. I was ready for one trip , but not for a second, then third. Those sprints required good vision and coordination to break off a Tulip Tree Branch branch while on the run. (Leaves of Choice)

Returning home would provide no relief, the pump was primed and by afternoon it felt like I had been beaten with a broom stick. That stress rallied my hands and feet to sing their misery and by mid afternoon it was time for a pain pill.

Today I am relieved; my body has done almost a complete about face. Another fantastic morning, almost cold as Larry and I headed out to mark a new section of trail for the Catoctin 50K. It would have been a shame to have missed it.

Mike

Wineberries

There are only a handful of days or nights a year that I truly regret not having air conditioning in my home; last night was one of them.

When I woke; the sun, still low on the horizon was itching to heat the already hot humid air to a “Heat Indexed” one hundred eight degrees. A shower, a cool shower would be a great start to my day.

Showered and in my bath towel I headed to the back yard to pick Wineberries. A Wineberry is a type of Raspberry originally from northern China, Japan and Korea. I'm not sure if this is an “Invasive Species” but if they are it's one of the few that have worked out.

Within ten minutes I had picked a mid size bowl and eaten plenty to boot. Two cups of Wineberries accompanied me as I headed down the Mountain for Reiki; a small thank you for the gift I would receive.

Leaving Reiki, I felt Physically and Mentally better than I have for months. I'm not about to say that I have turned the corner but perhaps the corner is in sight.

Tomorrow I will be playing golf and on Sunday I am hoping to run four miles with my running group. This schedule seems to trigger memories of a more carefree time ….......... it is good.

Mike

Patience a Virtue ?

Patience is a Virtue is a proverbial phrase referring to one of the seven heavenly virtues typically said to date back to "Psychomachia," an epic poem written in the fifth century.

The Psychomachia (Battle for Man's soul) by the Late Antique Latin poet Prudentius is probably the first and most influential "pure" medieval allegory, the first in a long tradition of works as diverse as the Romance of the Rose, Everyman, and Piers Plowman.
In slightly less than a thousand lines, the poem describes the conflict of vices and virtues as a battle in the style of Virgil's Aeneid. Christian faith is attacked by and defeats pagan idolatry to be cheered by a thousand Christian martyrs.

• Chastity is assaulted by Lust, but cuts down her enemy with a sword.
• Anger attacks Patience, is unable to defeat her and destroys herself instead.
• Greed is portrayed against Love, but is unable to obtain what it cannot coexist with.
• In a similar manner, various vices fight corresponding virtues and are always defeated. Biblical figures that exemplify these virtues also appear (e.g. Job as an example of patience).
  

Despite the fact that seven virtues defeat seven vices, these are not the canonical seven deadly sins, nor the three theological and four cardinal virtues.


Patience:

Forbearance and endurance through moderation. Resolving conflicts and injustice peacefully, as opposed to resorting to violence. Accepting the grace to forgive;[3] to show mercy to sinners. Creating a sense of peaceful stability and community rather than suffering, hostility, and antagonism.

Once again something I thought would be “simple” turns out to be much more then I could have imagined. I have often thought of that phase “Patience is a Virtue” but have never understood where this originated from or what it meant in totality. Not sure I fully understand it now but I'm trying.

I have admitted in past posts that I am addicted to running, what I did not realize was that running was my “Drug of Choice”, a good drug to be sure but one never the less.Now that I am unable to run I experience physical and physiological issues I would not have imagined even through the worst of my cancer treatments. There is much research that points to the bodies natural ability to produce pain reducing endorphins during exercise. Without my “Running Fix” for almost two months I have found myself using more pain medication in the form of prescription medication and favorite beers. For the past few nights I have elected to bypass any pain medication even if it means I won't sleep. Somehow when I lie down in bed it's my hands and feet seem obligated to start “singing” which  makes sleep difficult to come by.

Physiologically; take away the “Junkies” drug and see what happens. In my case I think it goes even further since running transcends just the physical. Running has become my identity, a huge part of my social life and optimism.

How damn shallow is that I need to ask myself? If I could not run another step would that make me less of a human being ? …....... Hell no.............. But what replaces running to make myself feel well …. Right now, I simply do not know.

Cancer this time is not to blame, it's a stupid running injury for which I have no Patience.

Stay Happy …. Stay Patient in your life .... I'm Trying …... Mike

*definitions from Wikipedia