Three for Me

Ah, the last "Regular Work Day" of the year ; normally I'd sit around and think about the year to come but not this year. We have been really busy.

At three thirty, still with lots to do, I closed the office. Outside  it was fifty degrees, my feet felt cooperative and trails called out. 

Three miles was the extent of my efforts, at the end my feet burned but not as bad as my previous run on Christmas Day. Arriving back at Hamburg Road I removed my shoes and walked barefoot a quarter mile in each direction to quell the fire. It worked and I headed home in pretty good shape.

Tomorrow there may be a fairly large group of my running friends at Hamburg Road. Their plan, as I understand it, is an eleven mile jaunt,  I will be joining them but only for another three mile loop. Even so, this will please me to no end, it shall be a great way to start the last day of this year.

I wish everyone a Happy New Year  ................  Later, Mike

Twelve Bottles of Beer on the Wall

Well this post may be "sad" but here goes anyway. My day has been busy, so busy in fact that I forgot to take all my medication and I am suffering the effects due to my "idiot mind". My hands, which seem to always ache are about the same but my poor feet, those who have suffered enough are burning up again. OK, I took my Gabby s an hour ago, downing them with a Belgium Ale my friend Jim brought to me this afternoon.

My visit to the infusion center yesterday was a mixed bag. The good news is that my blood work looked really good. Although I'm not back to where I started, some of my levels are within the low range of acceptable. The "Bad News" is that while discussing my burning feet and hands with the nurses they told me it often is a symptom of the Neuropathy, I had assumed it was "Hand Foot Syndrome" which would pass quickly; if they are correct; this could last for months.

As I approach surgery I grow anxious, what normal person wouldn't? My intellectual brain (whats left) tells me it's simply another step to recovery. My perception about surgery however, tells me it hurts and quite honestly I'm getting a bit torqued off  about hurting.

Even so, I'm ready for the next step; in a strange way surgery might assure me a couple or few weeks of comfort, when I will not be able to run. If the effects of the chemo would have prevented me anyway; not running because of surgery may  just be "Good Timing".

There is so much I'd like to post but I simply don't have the energy right now but before I forget

Thanks Joe and Mel for the Christmas gifts, words don't express our feelings. I was some what difficult with Susie on Christmas day, she read your card quietly and then I asked her to read it out loud; out loud it seems broke the dam and tears flowed. (Not Just with her I'll admit)
 
Dee and Lorett; you two have been so kind to me, I hope to stay connected with both of you after I recover.

To my family and friends, thanks, it's hard to say much more without writing volumes. 

To My Wife; once again I do not have words to express my feelings. You are an amazing woman;  I only know I choose well when I decided to spend my life with you.

I am as always grateful for the blessings I have, and confronting those I don't have, head on.

Later .............. Mike 


 

Slow Recovery

I am beginning to understand that recovery will be a slower process than I ever imagined.

Yesterday, after opening gifts, followed by a delicious breakfast casserole I headed to our bedroom to change into my running clothes. Powered with "AA" batteries, my new outdoor thermometer broadcast ed a comfortable forty five degrees.  There was no wind or clouds to speak of, just perfect running weather.

Once she saw me in my running clothes, Molly, our dog,  could barely contain herself almost knocking me over several times before I could get her leash on.

It's been three long weeks since I've run, even so, with feet feeling pretty good I thought I'd cover my three and a half mile loop with ease. After a mile I felt good enough to think about changing course for a five mile jaunt; completing just two miles, I was ready for an "About Face".

My right foot was the worst, but thankfully the "injury" or what ever has bothered me in my arch/heel area was not the issue. My feet were simply on fire with both the bottoms and tops of my feet begging relief. It was an easy choice to head directly home but even so, another mile was awaiting; I ran most of it knowing walking would not bring much comfort.

Perhaps the Docs would tell me I was stupid, that I should not be running but for me it was still worth it. Filling my lungs with fresh air, running the trails I love so much made me feel alive again if only for less than an hour. Wrapping my feet in cold face-cloths and later with ice brought relief. I'm not so crazy that I'll go back out today to run but I will try later in the week.


Later ............ Mike

Christmas Eve

On the verge of Christmas Eve I embrace all that is good and ponder that which is not.

Yesterday, Sue and I received a call from a dear friend, Michael McGinley, telling us that his son Stephen has been diagnosed with Lymphoma. I'm not sure of Stephens' age, twenty four or five, a wonderful young man, recently married and working towards his PHD. My heart goes out to his parents Susan and Michael, Stephen, his wife Casey-Mae, his siblings and friends. Stephen is young, strong and lives each day with an intense faith in God. He will have a great support system and will beat this.

My recovery moves forward even if at a snails pace. The issues with my feet have prevented me from running (or walking) for three weeks now. I know that if I could just get out for even two or three miles I would feel so much better. My hands are sore and maintain the odd concurrent sensations of numb / buzzing and sore. Tomorrow, perhaps looking for a Christmas “Miracle”, I will lace up the trail shoes and head out for a run.

Freed-rick, the name I've given to my stoma has been less than friendly lately. If intelligent I think he realizes his time on the outside is limited and he shall soon return to the “land of darkness”. I will refrain from going into details.

To my friends and family I simply cannot say thank you too much. As I move ever closer to surgery and being “whole” I know I could not have arrived to this point in the shape I'm in without your support, patience and understanding.

To Susan, words are simply not enough to express how I feel about the love you've poured over me like a continuous stream of water. Just know that I'm always trying, always trying................ always trying.

Love and Merry Christmas to all ...... Mike

Sixteen Bottles of Beer on the Wall !

Heartless Weights

This morning, after noting that the wood stove held only embers from the night before I reached for the remnants of a corrugated box to rekindle the fire. As I opened the door to the wood stove I was fascinated as drops of blood splatted upon the corrugated I held in my hand.

Nose bleeds are a side effect of the drugs I've received but to date I've only had the most minor of issues; this was a real surprise. Susan recommended I sit down and tilt my head back, this only resulted in my ability to spit up blood. Pretty much ticked off I rolled up a piece of tissue, shoved it up my nose and headed down in the basement to lift some weights.

Weights have no heart, they don't care if you're healthy or ill, happy or sad. They of course are devoid of anything except mass, form and the words “York Barbell Company” on most of my weights. Yet they have the ability to taunt you because you can never win against the weights. Hit your personal max and there is always another five or ten pounds that will be added that you will fail at. I accepted that a long time ago yet this morning was an eye opener.

This morning, with a plug in my nose I got mad enough that I thought I could push some weight. In reality all I managed to push was an expectation in the wrong direction. On the bench press, I ended my morning struggling to do a single repetition with a weight I would have warmed up with just a few months ago.

You might think that I'm discouraged but in fact it quite the opposite, I have a renewed passion for the weights and goals to work towards.

Later in the day, with my foot feeling almost normal I decided I'd attempt a short run. It lasted a half mile, my foot which felt fine when I started, shot bolts of fire from my arch to my toes. Time to quit.

The process of recovery is more complicated then I first thought, I will not stop testing my limits but I will learn to understand and adapt, it is after all just another challenge.

Be strong, be happy ....... Mike

Early Christmas Trail Run

Christmas came early for our Sunday morning trail group as a light dusting of snow covered the ground.

Unable to run due to continued problems with my feet I took the role of "Runner Support" and set up a surprise aid station at one of the turnaround points. With Christmas music playing, hot cider, cookies, chips and dips I surprised our group of runners (twenty strong!) at the turnaround. Later, after all had passed or headed back to the cars I tore down and then set back up at our starting point to await their return. Even though I would have preferred to be running I had great fun and know my running compatriots did as well.

My recovery from chemo continues at a surprisingly slow pace and yesterday I felt as though I "slid backwards" a week or so. What has improved is hyper sensitivity to the cold, while not completely gone it's no longer a major complication to normal living. I am not taking this for granted and still wear gloves while outside.

The neuropathy is still with me with numbness and tingling in my hands, feet and mouth. In the morning I hardly notice it but it builds during the day. My ears are still buzzing and I have a suspicion that this is going to be with me for some time to come.

My feet still "burn" but my hands, still sore seem much better. I realize that all will improve with time but I am dissapointed that I was able to run through all of this only to be stopped now.

Be Happy  ............ Mike

Slow Comback

The morning started with a trip to see Dee and Lorette for a Reiki session, I don't know how they work “Their Magic”, I'm beyond questioning, I do know that the more I can let go the better I will feel; many thanks.

I am surprised I'm not feeling better then I am at this point in time. Even though the chemotherapy is cumulative, based upon how I handled the fifth treatment this has been a real let down. My hands are still buzzing, my mouth still has sensation of being Novocaine'd, (Although enough has worn off enough to sadly let me know a trip to the dentist is forth coming), finally my right foot is a certified wreck.

My “Over All” feeling gets slightly better with each passing day, vision and mental acuity are improving although I still need to be extremely careful at work especially when it involves quoting projects.

Business has picked up and if I can recover fast enough after surgery I'll be hitting the road to reacquaint myself with my customer base. I have lost a number of large projects due this illness and even though they are most likely gone there will be new ones on the horizon.

I'm ready for the weekend and the start of the buildup for Christmas. Kevin returns home sometime over the weekend so we will all be together soon.

Later... Mike 

What is it now, a case of bottles of beer on the wall ? 

Oil and Water

Oil and Water / Gastrografin Enema with bumpy ride home, what do they have in common?

They don't mix, need I say more? I almost made it but I suspect that Susan, flashing back to a very pregnant ride home, albeit full bladder was drawn to every pot hole on Hamburg Road!

The actual procedure went well with the skilled and gentle touch provided by Jill and Karen. It was at times uncomfortable but never painful. I did have a moment of panic near the end of the procedure, when, instructed to roll on my stomach the five inch protrusion which had been inserted (you know where) flew out. Thank goodness we were almost done and it did not need to return home. Believe it or not I left the facility feeling good and laughing. I knew though, after the procedure was complete that not nearly as much fluid escaped in the first “Flush” as went in. I'm sure the Kegel exercises helped but potholes eventually won out.

The Good News to report is that there were no leaks so I'm cleared for surgery.

I had a second appointment with the Oncologist later in the day, that went well except but I found out the port will probably stay we me for some months to come. I was also advised to stay off my feet as much as possible since hand-foot syndrome has set in. My right foot is a mess with my arch feeling like I stepped on a hard rock and bruised it. Dr. Goldstein is in favor of continuing exercise and has suggested riding a stationary bike to reduce impact; I can certainly handle that.

I am so looking forward to being whole again.

Mike

27 Bottles of Beer on the Wall

Leak Test

A week ago I thought I was “in The Clear” as far as chemo was concerned, boy was I wrong.

This past week was one of the toughest week I had since this adventure started. My hands and feet, valiant until now have been a disaster.

If you drew lines from the bridge of your nose, down each side of your mouth, then imagined the entire area (including everything within your mouth) was two hours post Novocaine you have a idea how my face has felt.

Even if running was possible it probably would not have smart, in fact I may have pushed the envelope with a brisk two mile walk yesterday afternoon. I paid dearly as multiple foot rubs could not ease the burning and pain in my feet. In bed at eight thirty I kept looking at the clock, until finally, at eleven thirty I asked Susan to get me a pain pill. I have plenty left as I hardly used what was prescribed after surgery. Thirty minutes later, while Susan stroked my hair, I finally started feeling relief.

Tomorrow morning I head for my “Leak Test”, don't really want to go into much detail but I'll be inflated, x-rays will be taken and then I'll be deflated. The whole procedure should take about a half hour but I fear the next appointment, early in the afternoon will test the Kegel exercises I've been doing. Perhaps this will serve as a life lesson, maybe I should keep an appointment book instead of lugging an emergency bucket

Later......... Mike

Twenty Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall

Beat Down

I swear 5-FU is acting just like a bully, really wailing away on some kid because he's moving away.

Sunday afternoon, showered, dressed and ready for an afternoon of music my body just refused to cooperate. It was almost an exact repeat of Thanksgiving with a fine morning followed with a most unpleasant conclusion to the day.

It was to get worse, Monday morning brought the strangest combination of buzzing, sore, partially numb arms and legs. My ears hummed loudly and with my fogged head I did not trust myself to write a proposal for services.

Yesterday was perhaps even weirder, my hands were quite sore and fingers alternated their status from tingling to just numb. I have to admit that at different times during the day I felt quite sorry for myself.

Some good new to report, my trip to the specialists at the Wilmer Eye Institute resulted in them finding..... drum roll....... nothing. The only remark they had was there was some unusual pigmentation in the retina (right eye only) most likely a genetic “thing” that would never cause any problems.

Today is somewhat better and I'm hoping that I can make a running committee meeting this evening.

Mike

Almost forgot.... Surgery to restore me is set for January 9^th !

Gloved Hands

I don't know what I expected from the last treatment but I didn't expect that multiple parts of my body would go partially numb. At first I thought it was just exposure to cold but as I laid in bed, "snug as a bug in a rug", I felt portions of my hands, feet and face go numb. Soon after Susan offered to rub my back and to my surprise there was numbness' especially along my spinal cord. The numbness in my hands and feet might be bringing some comfort from the burning and soreness caused by the 5-FU so perhaps it's a blessing in disguise?

What I am experiencing may last a while but it will be nothing compared to what I would have gone through if I had more treatments or what others go through on a routine basis.

The weekend was a mixed bag of good and bad starting off with the Byron 15K Saturday morning. I didn't run but opted instead to photograph the runners instead. Imagine my surprise when I got to photograph a movie star, Sean Astin, who was in Lord of the Rings and also starred in the movie Rudy, (Nice Guy). Bundled up as I was Sean mentioned that I looked like an Inuit.

Can't say I felt “Peachy” later in the day after Larry dropped me off but by Sunday morning I felt decent enough to log seven miles on the trail. All right, I know I'm not “supposed” to run more than five but the extra two miles were more like a walk/run, smell the roses, clean the trails and “kill some time” so you won't have to wait so long for your companions who are running ten miles.

It won't surprise to many people to know that even now I may just drink a beer or so after running but Sunday, after our run, this was almost comical. Let's see if I can paint a picture; during my run I had double gloves, hand warmers, toe warmers, full face-mask and three layers of clothing to run in forty to fifty degree weather. Following the run I added a heavy coat and monstrous gloves my brother Tim loaned me.

If you were to ask me how many beers I drank Sunday morning I simply could not tell you. I can report that three beers were opened for me, placed between almost useless heavily gloved hands. Inevitability, each beer would slip through my grasp, retrieved / replaced after striking the ground albeit full of foam.

Returning home I felt pretty good, a warm shower, something to eat and dressed to see Patrick perform I sat down to relax. Thirty minutes later there was a repeat of Thanksgiving, my body simply would not cooperate and I had to stay home. For a couple hours I huddled under three blankets while wearing a fur lined hat. I greeted my bed at six forty five PM and stayed put for the next twelve hours.

I remind myself each day that the side effects will subside and my body will become more predictable.

Later ........... Mike

Two Days After

What we think we know and what we actually know sometimes can be a chasm as wide as the Grand Canyon.

I was sure that my previous post would result in a ridiculous amount of hits but it surprisingly the blog has been very quiet. Perhaps there is not much “Afternoon Delight” going on worldwide or I just need to admit I know little or nothing about what Search Engines point to.

On to more relevant things going on with me.

This has been an interesting week for me both physically and mentally. Each infusion has been so different and this one did not “disappoint”. As this is my last, I have been more calm and collected than ever, spurred on by the knowledge that this component of my journey is done.

Physically however this is been insane; some side effects are better but some far worse. Yesterday for example I told Sue I needed to go out for a walk. As the temp was in the mid-forties I wasn't too concerned but never the less I bundled up. On my hands were heavy Mountaineering gloves loaned to me by my brother Tim. Since I put them on before throwing on a heavy coat I found it necessary to call Susan over to “button me up”. As I stood there with my wife buttoning my coat I could not help but feel just like a kid heading out into the snow. When finished Sue looked at me and asked, “How about a Hat?”.

Fifty eight years old isn't quite ancient but it probably is old enough to know that when your wife suggests something it might be wise to listen. “It's my hands I'm having a problem with, I'll be OK”, I said as I left the office with a baseball cap on. The outward walk was just fine, my hands were almost hot in those monstrous gloves, so much better than stinging and numb.

They story changed as I reversed course, perhaps bundled up  I failed to feel the slight breeze at my back on the outbound trek. Turning into the breeze it wasn't long before my eyes hurt and the tips of my ears screamed at me. My gloved hands placed on my ears could not help my eyes and they started to tear up. A single tear flowed down the left side of my face and as it did it there was a feeling felt that someone, armed with an X-ACTO knife was following it's path. Soon, perhaps to my benefit, most of my face was either tingling or just numb.

That was yesterday and today is today. (Profound hey)

Today I feel somewhat better, giving full credit to this morning's Reiki treatment; time it seems will be the other answer to feeling good again.

Going to sign off, sorry to say my hands are sore, my feet are buzzing and I can feel every tooth in my mouth; think I'll lay down on the couch for a few.

Mike

Sex in the Afternoon

Wow sound exciting doesn't it? Too bad it wasn't today but there is always hope for tomorrow.

So lets see, in about twenty hours Nancy, my Home Care Nurse will arrive to disconnect me from my last infusion of 5-FU. For any of you really looking for a good "Sex in the Afternoon Story" sorry, my nurse is not "Naughty Nancy".
 
Actually this is an experiment in how many hits I'll get on my blog as "Mic Manley Men" got more hits in one day than I normally get in a week. (Not sure the audience was what I intended to attract) Apologies now to anyone looking for advice, photo instruction or just a real dirty story, it's not here today but you might want to check back from time to time.

Good Luck ........... Mike

Chair X6

I am sitting in the chair for my sixth and final infusion, I can't express in words how elated I am to know that this part of my journey is completed. Yes, there will be forty six hours of 5-FU to contend with but knowing it will be my last will make it that much easier.

Finishing treatment will pave the way for surgery, which requires at least a month after chemo is completed. I will have three and a half weeks recovery before Christmas so I suspect that most of the side effects will be gone or quite tolerable. How great would it be for me to feel well enough to enjoy the holidays, in a word, HUGE.

To start the healing process Dr. Goldstein has recommended that for the near future I keep my exercise to a reasonable level. In my case it will mean no runs over five miles with the majority falling into the two to three mile range. I have been looking forward to upping my mileage but I will take the advice and concentrate on healing.

The next step will be to schedule a Gastrografin Enema one to two weeks from now. Sound like fun doesn't it ? Actually it shouldn't be too bad, but as there has been nothing in the my large intestine for over four months it will be interesting. The test looks for “leaks” in the intestine, actually rare, never the less has to be investigated to be one hundred percent sure. Passing the exam will be gateway to surgery, I'll be ready but won't be doing any last minute studying. (almost said cramming, however that might give a totally wrong impression, seeing what I'm dealing with.)

I have an appointment with a Retina specialist on the sixth of December to look for eye damage from chemotherapy. I am fairly confident they will find nothing, believing the episodes of severe eye pain have been caused by the Oxaliplatin “messing” with one of the nerves associated with vision, once removed from the cause hopefully it will stop.

Looks like another hour before I'm done, my hands and arms “are a buzzing” and I'm somewhat lightheaded so I'm going to sign off.

Keep Happy Everybody …........... Mike

Morning People

Some people profess that they are “morning people”; to be honest I never considered morning to be better than any other part of the day but I'm becoming a fan.

For the past week I've gotten out of bed feeling pretty darn good, I've run, walked, cut firewood and putzed around performing various household duties. I seem to make it to mid or late afternoon when suddenly the “wheels start falling off” and I am reminded, (as one friend put it) that chemotherapy attempts to kill the cancer before it kills you. YIKES !

Even so I realize that I am in a minority of patients whose lives have not been totally disrupted. This morning for example I met my trail running group at eight AM. Though I did not cover the ten or eleven miles which our group ran, I did manage seven and a half, finishing strong and feeling good. The run completed and now into “social hour”, elation would meet reality as a cold can of beer tingled then numbed the gloved fingers of my right hand. Oh well, it was worth it.

Yesterday at Mom and Dads I had a great afternoon even if my body complained. My sister in law, Wendy showed up with a small gift bag with a pair of “Irish Hand Gloves” (picture to come) which will make it to infusion tomorrow. The gloves will be accompanied by multiple packages of hand warmers, given to me by my sister Kathy. Normally I would just place a hand warmer directly in a glove but after returning home with numb fingers I decided to try placing the hand warmers on my wrists, under a long sleeve shirt, secured by rubber bands. (Sweat bands might have worked better but I couldn't find any). Guess what, it worked great, keeping the heat source away from my already sore hands.

Leaving Mom and Dad's last night I was anxious to get home but saddened to leave. This morning, running along the trails, I could picture my family packing up to head to their homes, hitting the car's horn as they drove though Mom and Dad's driveway's stone pillars. (It's tradition). Of course it's a moment of sadness but evidence that we must all go our separate ways, but, if we are extremely lucky, we will converge from time to time to renew and grow as a family.

Mike

What is it, something like forty five bottle of beer on the wall? Right now I'm too lazy to do the math.

Mic Manley Men

As the song states, “What a difference a day makes, 24 little hours”.

Perhaps twelve hours in bed, another beautiful day or the surprise that both brothers and my nephew Matt would be here to help me cut firewood “fired up my energy levels”. I started my day with a four mile trail run finishing the run to be greeted by my brother Bill awaiting me at the end of the driveway. It was then I learned that Tim and Matt would be joining us to haul in firewood for the coming cold weather.

Joined by Patrick and Kevin we had quite the wood cutting crew, soon working as well oiled machine. The saw, in the sure hands of Bill hummed along only stopping for fuel, bar oil and eventually an exchange of the chain. Wood blew apart from mauls slung with brute force by Tim, Matt and Patrick. Wood was stacked and delivered wheel barrel load after another by Kevin. My role, I was told was to supervise, even so I still managed to put forth enough effort to end my day feeling wonderfully tired.

Six Mic Manley men working together don't cut six times the amount of wood, it's more like ten. At the end of the day I looked at the woodpile, now swelled with a supply to last most of the winter and all I could do was smile.

Thanks Men........... Mike

Thankgiving

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and there is little doubt I have much to be Thankful for. Unfortunately 5FU decided it was time to rear it's ugly head and hit me with it's best shot.

Overall my response to the last treatment had been better even though some of the side effects had intensified. The sensitivity to the cold was worse and lasted longer but the “first taste” blast was not. At the O'Grady household, on Thanksgiving Day, to have taste and smell is a blessing, Susan and her sister Beverly go all out to provide a feast unmatched by most mere mortals.

I had hoped to run a five mile turkey trot Thursday morning but as the week went on my hands and feet have gotten progressively worse. 5FU causes hand and foot syndrome potentially leading to blistered skin, I'm not there yet but I am very uncomfortable. To make an analogy, my hands feel like I've handled cement blocks, all day log without gloves. I addition to soreness there is the feeling of burning, one which cannot be relived especially the first week after Oxaliplatin has been administered.

My daughter has been a blessing, providing daily foot rubs of Udderly Smooth moisturizing cream but yesterday afternoon even this provided little relief.

Thanksgiving morning perfect and though I had missed the run I decided around lunch time to head out for my three and a half mile trail loop. My feet hurt but even so knew I could run “gently” over the rocks and roots populating the trail.

It was a good run and I returned home better than I left. As I opened the door to the house I was greeted with the smells of Thanksgiving, that wonderful mixture of aromas signifying a feast, soon to come.

Our Thanksgiving routine is the indulgence of at least two separate feasts, the feast of appetizers and dinner itself. I'm mad at myself for not taking a photograph of our appetizer table as it was an all out affair. I am sure I will leave something out but here is a listing

Onion Dip and chips

Duck Rillettes with French Baguette
Mousse Truffee Pate with Cornichons (small pickles) and crackers
Veggie Tray with spinach dip
Spanakopita
Crab Dip and crackers
Mango Salsa and Chips
Imported Cheeses with French Baguette (Epoisses, Brie, Blue Cheese, one other)
Salmon with crème fraiche capers red onion and pumpernickel bread
Sweet and Sour Meatballs

In years past I have made the mistake of indulging too much in the feast of appetizers to an extent that later, at dinner, I would realize that the turkey wasn't the only thing stuffed on Thanksgiving.

Needless to say I sampled all that was to be had at the “Feast of Appetizers” but I did not go overboard. As I sat down to watch Thanksgiving football I got really cold and started going downhill pretty quickly. My hands appeared speckled, looking quite red and bone white at the same time, they burned and ached along with my feet.

By dinner time I felt pretty lousy and by seven thirty, having sampled only some of the dinner fare I was “done in” excusing myself to head for bed. Susan as always was understanding and gracious as I attempted to apologize for departing prior to the completion of dinner.

It will be a Thanksgiving to remember, not the negatives, no, I will remember that as hard as it may be I am truly blessed.

Mike

JFK Roundup

I made it to the start and the finish of the JFK this year and though it was bitter sweet, my presence reinforced the feelings I have about running and this race in particular.

Talk to the average person about running fifty miles and you may see a look in their face, a look that projects concern and suspicion that you may indeed require psychiatric assistance. On the surface it may appear an impossible task, one which congers up visions of suffering, pain and misery. Run the race and at some point you will certainly question you sanity.

So it was that for the first time since I started participating that I actually saw the last runners finish. If you have never seen the “Back of the Pack” runners finish a marathon or longer I would highly recommend it.

You will witness the triumph of the human spirit over physical discomfort, a smile on almost every exhausted face as they approach the finish. There will be some who with renewed energy will sprint to the finish, leaving you to wonder how they did that after fifty miles. Others will limp across the finish contorted with a severe lean (the announcer calls them out as leaners) smiling as they complete their mission.

As you finish you are greeted with a large Finishers Medal hung over your neck causing multiple emotions to erupt instantly. If you are lucky, friends and family will be on hand to share in your triumph, your pride and relief that it is now behind you. You are never the same after that finish because now you realize there is an inner strength which can overcome the impossible. Seeking this strength, this understanding is why I run ultras and how I am coping with Cancer.

There are also those who don't finish, some underestimating the demands, injured or unfortunately just having one of those days. Still they are to be commended and respected for facing a challenge most are content to leave to others.

I sit here in awe of the JFK runners, looking forward to attending next years start and finish as a participant.

Finally, John Kippen finished the race, having the honor of the first JFK runner with two different livers. His challenge was one immense proportions, he looked exhausted at the finish but you know what.......... he was smiling.

Well Done John

Mike

Grateful

I am grateful for many things these days, small things that are often overlooked and taken for granted in particular.

I am grateful to my wife, Susan, who when awakened at one thirty this morning instantly attended to my “burning feet”.

I am grateful that I could make the start of the JFK to run up South Mountain with John Kippen.

I am grateful that as I drove home the sun poked it's head over the mountain pointing the way back home, simply spectacular and wonderful that I could enjoy it.

This could go on for some time but I think you all get it, so I ask one thing of everybody. Find one every day activity you take for granted and think how grand it really is. It may be the smell of that first cup of coffee brewing in the pot, enjoy it.

Happy Birthday Trish, I love you !

Mike

JFK Tomorrow

Round five is complete and as strange as it may sound I think it has so far been easier on me then the previous two. Some of the side effects are worse, the sensitivity to cold and the first taste thing are just plain nasty. Eye issues are preset and a trip to the Optometrist proved inconclusive, further testing will need to be conducted to determine if problems in my right eye are being caused by the Chemo or if it is early signs of Macular Degeneration.

Tomorrow is the forty ninth running of the JFK 50 miler; this should have been my ninth. Though I will not be running I will be at the starting line at five A.M. to accompany John Kippen to the top of South Mountain. John is an inspiration, he underwent a liver transplant earlier in the year and has come light years to get into shape to run this race. After reaching South Mountain I will walk back to the start to wish some of my seven A.M. starter friends luck.

It will be cold so I will show up with multiple sets of gloves, hand warmers and a full face mask, I should be OK.

Well I need to get ready for tomorrow so I'm cutting it short.

Mike

Chair X5

An excellent appointment with the Oncologist with a possibility that I may indeed be done after six rounds of chemotherapy. Should this occur it may allow me to have my surgeries before year end leaving 2012 as a year of recovery and rebuilding. A lot of this will hinge on the availability of Dr. Berg to perform the operation at FMH.

Dr Goldstein was highly concerned about the pain I had experienced in my eyes following the last infusion and wants me to see an optometrist as soon as possible. He recently went through laser surgery to correct a condition which seriously could have impacted his vision so he is very "in tune" with vision concerns.

My blood work came back and though my counts have fallen they are still good. I am most pleased with my red blood cell count, although low, it is higher than after my second treatment.

Looks like another forty-five minutes in the chair and then home for desert. Even if things don't work out as I hope, I will leave here in a fine mood.

Keep fingers crossed for me...... Mike

Rosaryville

This past Thursday afternoon, just as if someone had flipped a switch I started feeling human again.

Friday morning I had Reiki with Dee and Lorette. How can thirty minutes pass so quickly yet renew me physically, mentally and recently spiritually ? I doubt I'll ever be able to answer that question.

Earlier in the week I had doubts about my ability and sanity in heading to the Rosaryville 50K. I felt horrible, my hands and feet burned and fifty degree temperatures were cold enough to generate pins and needles in my hands. It would be so much easier to simply stay in my nice warm bed Saturday morning, certainly justified by the poisons circulating in my body. It was going to be cold at the start, it would be a long day and of course I was doing to DNF anyway. (Did Not Finish). I could almost talk myself into it yet I knew I would hate myself if I had done so.

Rosaryville State Park is in Upper Marlboro MD about an hour and a half drive from Frederick. With Packet Pickup starting at six thirty, the race kicking off at eight we left at five AM to give us plenty of leeway should we get lost or run into unexpected traffic. The race itself consists of a three quarter mile road run leading to a trail-head, three ten mile loops on trail and then back on the road to the finish.

It was cold at the start of the race; I was concerned but with a hand warmer in each hand the stingers never materialized. My pace was a nice slow twelve minute jog, noway fast enough to cause heavy breathing to sting my throat. Arriving on the trail I knew we were in for a real treat, these trails were the Neiman Marcus, Ritz- Carlton of trails, nothing like the rocky, root ridden trails of my backyard.

There was another pleasant surprise, about two miles on the trail I could see the start. My plan had been to run one ten mile loop followed by a second if I felt exceptional. I now had a revised strategy, I would run one full loop, start the second and “bail” for a twelve mile run if I was feeling poorly.

Feeling poorly never happened, yet as I got closer to the start I decided twelve would be enough. I could continue, however without a base of long runs I realized that somewhere around eighteen miles I might be a mess with four more miles to go. With Chemo coming on Monday it was an easy decision.

I felt physically great as I approached the race director to turn in my number; perhaps as the first DNF of the day. Certainly I'm not proud of that yet I was content with my decision. Now, without any fatigue, soreness or stiffness I could change into dry clothes and await the return of my friends Larry and Steve. How great would it be to see them finish I didn't know at the time but as each appeared it was truly exciting. Steve finished in a blazing four hours thirty eight minutes winning the fifty to fifty-nine year old age group. Larry with a 50K PR of six hours six minutes, not bad for someone who had expressed concern earlier in the week if he was ready. I am so glad I did not listen to the “voice” telling me, “Just Stay in Bed Mike, it's OK” .

Like most Sunday mornings I laced up the shoes and headed to Hamburg Road for a nice five mile trail run. For the past few years I've logged my mileage in a spreadsheet, as I started the year I entered a two thousand mile goal, a mere three hundred miles more than last year. As I logged the twelve miles of Rosaryville the spreadsheet calculated slightly more then one thousand miles run, completing my revised goal of one thousand miles.

I am nervous about this next treatment, perhaps I'll handle this one well but if side effects keep intensifying there is little doubt at some point I may be a complete mess. Send some positive “vibes” my way if you think about it.

Sixty-Six Bottles of Beer on the Wall...... Mike

Four Month Anniversity

Yesterday marked four months since surgery, can't say the time flew by although it is hard to believe it's been that long.

This is “Recovery Week” from chemo, I would like to report that I'm feeling great but the truth is that the side effects have been more intense and have lasted longer than before. How ironic that the 5-FU makes my hands and feet feel like they are burning, yet relief from a cool towel is not possible due to the cold Hyper-Sensitivity caused by the Oxaliplatin.

Oxaliplatin is messing with me in other ways, sometimes, for no apparent reason my resting heart rate, normally in the fifties or low sixties will jump to eighty beats per minute. My respiration will jump and for several minutes I'll feel like I'm on a jog though I am sitting down. The Oxaliplatin fogs my head and screws me up emotionally. Finally, I think it's responsible for the minor nose bleeds I've had this week. 

My weight has been all over the board these past few days, this past Friday I weighed in at one hundred fifty four pounds, yesterday and today one hundred forty five.

Based upon how I've felt I'm not looking forward to my next set of blood counts. I imagine they may be falling faster then the Dow is today, currently, as I write, down 363 points.

I did manage to get out Monday and Tuesday for three mile trail runs, we are having fantastic fall weather with afternoon temps hitting the mid-sixties. Today, even though it's warm I've elected to cut firewood instead of running. Hopefully this will "Save my Feet" somewhat for the weekend 50k trail run. As far as cutting firewood is concerned, I am pleased to report that I fell a large tree within inches of where I intended. The crash however scarred the daylights out of poor Sue who was working in the office. 

I am tying to remain upbeat and in good spirits..... Mike

Paying Attention

If there is one lesson I need to pound into my head it's that it is imperative to pay attention and not forget that I need to stay on top of Chemotherapy.

I forgot on Saturday and paid for it on Sunday.

Saturday was a full day with Rugby in the morning and a March of Dimes Trail run in the afternoon. Not to make excuses but dealing with an Ileostomy requires that I watch what I eat or drink prior to venturing outside of the comfort and convenience of my home and office. Before heading up to Mount Saint Mary's I had a half a cup of coffee and an Ensure. Thinking the Rugby “Halves” were thirty minutes I calculated plenty of available time to view the game, make it home and to the March of Dimes Trail Run to assume duties as a volunteer.

Needless to say I was wrong, I was there to watch the “A” side game, “A” side halves are forty minutes.

My nephew would be playing in the second half so I stretched my time, staying until the last possible moment. Nothing I could do next except to head straight for the race, no lunch, no fluids, no common sense. As the Boy Scout Motto proclaims, “Be Prepared”, I was not.

Chemotherapy requires me to drink at least two to three quarts of water a day, returning home mid-afternoon I had hardly downed more then a pint. I am embarrassed to admit that a few beers was not a suitable substitute for my hydration needs and I most likely fell into a state of slight dehydration.

For the very first time, the Sunday morning trail run resulted in a bust. The morning was cold, (high twenties) I was ready with double gloves and hand-warmers. I felt fine but within a half mile I started gasping for breath even as we ran at warn up pace. Gasping caused stinging in my throat and only through breathing through my nose would it stop. I stopped.

Those who can't run, walk and clear trail, that was my new mission. I managed to cover about four and a half miles running some of the last mile. (it had warmed up by then).

The rest of my day was spent on the couch sucking down as much fluids as possible. (No Beer). I felt lousy and even an afternoon walk, always my salvation failed. As an added consequence of my stupidity, I missed a Sunday evening choral concert Patrick was in. Susan said it was wonderful.

Maybe one day I'll grow up ..................... hope not.

Mike

Round Four is History

The Glass is half full as I have completed the fourth round of Chemotherapy.

Yes, I fell like crap right now but from everything I've read “crap” is good ! Considering that I have no fatigue (I'm not even taking naps), I'm still out there walking, running and my taste is still hyper-improved I'm blessed. So what if the evening glass of red wine needs some microwave action to warm it up beyond room temperature, the vapor the wine sends off in the glass is great in itself.

The Hyper-Sensitivity to cold is getting worse as are muscle cramps. Yet even with this there are experiences to be had and lessons to learn. Let me set the scene.......

--------------------------------
Yesterday I was unhooked from my 5-FU infusion pump at about three thirty, at five I was at the trailhead to meet my running buddies (they would run I would walk). Even though I was wearing gloves and the temperature had not crossed below the fifty degree mark my hands soon were buzzing and I found myself with both hands planted firmly under my armpits.

As soon as I had an opportunity to get back on Hamburg Road to return to the car I took it. With my hands planted in my armpits I imagined someone walking in a straight jacket, although in reality I must have just looked really cold. (Which I was not)

It's surprising how many cars and trucks passed me as I walked along, most sport utility vehicles, late model pickups and all wheel drives. Yet it was the oldest and most beat-up pickup that passed, turned around, drove past and turned around again. “Hey Man, You Look Cold, Want a Ride?”, was the question the driver directed to me as he pulled up.

The lesson, Compassion is not what you have, it's what you carry in your soul. Who ever you are, thanks guy.

Mike

Seven Seconds in Hell

Returning home from the Cancer Center, I was waiting for the home care nurse to hook me up to "Desert" ( My forty six hour infusion of 5FU). Speaking on the phone with a friend I had a slight cough, just the type you would have to clear your throat.

Immediately I felt discomfort in both eyes, discomfort quickly increased to blinding pain, the telephone dropped out of my hand to the desk and for an seven seconds I held my head with both hands begging for it would stop. It did and Thankfully it hasn't happened again.

Waking up at four AM this morning I tried to remember if I had ever experienced similar pain. For those who know me I could write volumes but I can narrow it down quite a bit.

       Splitting Firewood with a sledge and wedge, the sledge whacking the wedge, launching it solidly to a shin.

        Burns, not just the "Standard" hot water, hot pan, no a rock solid first or second degree

Not even the time I had to have a friend use a pair of pliers to pull a broken tree limb out of the top of my head (he had to pull real hard) compared to the intensity of pain I had yesterday.

Whew.......... Mike



     

Just Stuff

Random thoughts today.

People tell me, "Mike You Look Good". These are good words to hear, especially now at Halloween to know the "Crypt Keeper" has no worries of me replacing him. (Yet). These words however have me thinking. "Before Cancer, I must have been one Hell of a Good Looking Man". Why the blazes didn't anyone tell me?

I'm at the Infusion Center at have great news to report, my white blood cell counts have improved and my red blood cell count is only slightly below normal. I will continue therefore to indulge the weird cravings I've been having. Sunday evening it was black olives, not simply a whole can of black olives but the juice they are packed in as well. Those were followed up with three pieces of dark chocolate and a nice glass of red wine.

Rick O'Donnel was in a chair next to me. Rick is another runner battling cancer except this is his second time around. His disease can only be managed yet he remains positive and upbeat, Rick is a true inspiration to me and others.

Saturday afternoon Randy showed up to enjoy our early "Winter Wonderland", instead of running shoes, hiking boots and snow pants were the dress of the day. A couple or few miles of pushing through snow and bent over trees required a beer run afterwards. Stocked with beer, corn chips and new tires on Randy's truck neither of us really wanted to return directly home. It was decided that the back roads up the mountain would be an adventurous route and as we plowed though snow, creeks and fallen branches the truck bed accumulated empty beer cans as the bag of chips slowly disappeared. Good Lord that was fun!

I have started taking a drug to counteract some of the side effects caused by the Oxiplatin. I am always hesitant on taking ANYTHING but as I read all the possible side effects I came across what follows below.

Even in low doses, Gabapentin causes sensations of reduced acute pain, reduced anxiety and even a tendency to become overly social and talkative. Larger doses can cause the user to become numb and even fully insensate. Although it is widely regarded as having little or no potential for misuse, it is often a misused drug in Canadian Northern communities and among inmates in California State prisons.

Bring it on baby I'm ready !

Stay Strong, Stay Healthy and Enjoy Your Day...... Mike

Winter Wonderland

Sunday I awoke to blue skies and heavy wet snow covering everything in sight. There would be no possibility for a trail run but I hoped that some adventurous runners would slap on hiking boots and come to blaze the early “Winter Wonderland”.

At eight fifteen, I realized trail blazing would be my domain and mine alone. The walk lasted about forty five minutes covering a couple of miles, travel was difficult with snow laden trees and Mountain Laurel blocking the way, however, it was spectacular. Hand warmers inserted in my gloves kept any stinging away and I became quite fast at getting my right mitten off and back on when I needed to work the camera. 

My brother and sister's visit was canceled on Saturday but they decided come Sunday, I'm sure they spent more time on the road then at the house but I was grateful they make the trek. Mom and Dad also showed up for an even shorter visit later in the afternoon. I only wish I felt better then I did as I was having an “off day”. It probably would have been smart to excuse myself for a quick twenty minute nap but I didn't want to do that seeing how short the my time would be with them anyway. Never the less my spirits were lifted and this will help me through the next round of chemo.

I need to keep telling myself that this next treatment will be the halfway point and it will simply be a “countdown” from there, easy to say. Countdowns are good, tomorrow....79 bottles of beer on the wall.

Mike 

October "Madness"

Just as the “Retail” Christmas seems to start earlier each year, winter seems to following right in line. Sitting here in the office with four inches of wet heavy snow all ready blanketing trees, ground and roadway I'm thinking the song “I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas” could be modified to “I'm Dreaming of a White Halloween”; sorry faithful “Trick and Treaters”

Power is out, wind is blowing but with the Generator humming along and an ample supply of firewood we should be set for a lazy “Not Going To Get out of My PJ's” day. Unfortunately this freak snowstorm means that the visit I expected from my sister Cathy and brother Bill has been postponed or possibly canceled all together.

Yesterday, just before I set out for a Reiki session Larry emailed me wondering if I was interested in joining him on a run on the C&O Canal. I knew I wanted to get a run in because of the impending weather and had planned on my five mile trail loop; I “Begged Off” asking Larry if I could get back to him later.

My Reiki sessions are nothing short of amazing, although not as stressed as two weeks ago, I need and look to these sessions as a way to prepare myself for the next chemo treatment. Dee and Lorette once again “worked Their Magic”, and as I walked out of the building I felt “Light on My Feet”, ready to join Larry. Returning home the “Deal Was Sealed” as two packages awaited me. My brother Bill attends weekly men's church group meetings and a new member, Jim Spivey, former Olympian, still holding the US record for the fastest 1500 meter run by an American in an Olympic final (1984) had sent me a new pair of road shoes and technical shirt. Jim works as a College Team Representative for ASICS and upon hearing of my battle sent these to me, If encouragement was the goal, it worked.... Thanks Jim.

I called Larry, “I have two questions, what time and how far?”.

“Ten miles”, was the answer , drawing in a breath I wondered if it might be a be a little much. No matter, the beauty of the canal training runs are they always are out and backs, meaning I could turn around at any point. My longest run since surgery has been eight and a half trail miles which included walking. A ten mile canal run just doesn't “justify” walking so this would be interesting.

Even though Larry “sold” this run as slow, it was still ten miles of a constant pace, something I have not done in many months. At four miles out I thought, “In For A Penny, In For A Pound”. I am happy to report it was a good decision and through nine miles I felt great, only when I bent over to remove a broken branch from the trail did I feel tightness and muscles reminding me, “It's been a While”. Ten miles was perfect, at the end I was tired but a good tired, the type one can appreciate after a good workout. It was also a huge confidence builder for the November 12^th 50K.

The only negative comments I need to make have to do with the side effects of chemo. There is no doubt that they are getting worse with each treatment and last longer after infusion is completed. I have little doubt that after a couple more of these I will be limited by outdoor exposure.

The psychological impact of this also becomes more difficult. I try not to fixate on what's ahead but it's hard not to. Imagine if you were told that in order to enhance your life, every two weeks, for four months you would walk a dark alley where four guys waited to beat the living daylights out of you. Each beating would be measured with the intensity increasing with each stroll. I certainly don't think of my health care professionals as thugs, they are there to cure me, to add me to the roster of Cancer Survivors but this is as hard an alley as I've ever had to walk.

This next treatment will place me half way through this adventure, the glass will be “Half Full”, and, as one of my runner friends said, “Mike, I'm sure you know how to count down”.

We'll as I finish this up it's 11:00 A.M., the “Official” time that it was supposed to start snowing, we have six inches of snow on the ground, the wind is blowing and our power is still off. Like I said earlier, a Great Day to stay in the PJ's.

In the Words of the Great Philosopher and the “Singing Fish” I have in the basement. “Don't Worry, Be Happy” ..... Mike

PS> I can never thank you enough Susan and Maggie, your love, support and patience will see me through.

Peak Color

Sunday morning was perfect for lacing up the shoes and heading out for a trail run. The air was crisp and though cool, it was warmer on the summit then in the valleys where frost was scrapped from widows. “My Woods,” are at peak color and even though fallen leaves made footing tricky it was one of the most pleasurable runs I've had in a while.

It's hard to describe how I feel as I start recovering from the effects of chemotherapy but it comes in “bursts” when all of a sudden I feel almost normal. This happened twice yesterday during my run, once after just a mile or so and then again after we had gone five miles. It's not that I notice I'm feeling good, rather I realize I'm running quickly and effortlessly.

I wish I could report that the feeling lasts but it is fleeting. In addition, for the first time I experienced acute neuropathy, numbness caused by exposure to cold. After each Sunday run, our group typically hangs around to discuss training, races, equipment and just BS. Even though it was in the fifties, I was wearing gloves but never the less my fingers started to tingle and then go numb. Returning home, it took a half hour of holding a warm glass of water between my hands before feeling returned. Guess I will be heading to a ski shop to find mittens featuring built in hand warmer pockets to keep my hands "Toasty Warm".

The rest of the day included office work, a good conversation with Joey, firewood cutting and even some football watching. By five o'clock in the afternoon I was tired but it was a “Good Tired”. By eight-thirty in the evening I was ready for a restful evening in bed which was not to come. I woke every hour needing to empty the ostomy bag to such a degree I was highly concerned about dehydration. I drank a quart or more water during the night, most likely keeping me out of trouble.

Seeing how the evening went I am pleasantly surprised that I feel decent this morning. Could be I just realized that there are only eighty-seven bottles of beer left on the wall ?

Stay Strong....Stay Happy......Enjoy ........ Mike

Round Three - Twenty More Hrs to Go

Well boys and girls I sit at my desk with the whirl of the pump, every thirty seconds or so sending another shot of 5-FU into my chest. Yummy!

This round of chemo on balance seems to be going better than the last but of course I'm not done yet. It may simply be that I'm just more prepared to cope with the side effects and continuous hang over feeling. Last night a new and exciting side effect presented itself, intense calf cramps. As the first one came on I watched my calf muscle have definition that would rival any body builder or even Larry Key's legs! It was really something to behold before I grabbed my leg and started yelling for it to stop.Today both calf muscles are are sore as if I had run a hard 50K.

I am excited to report that I am signed up for a 50K race on November 12^th. (The Rosaryville 50K) Susan just starred at me when I dropped that bombshell finally asking, “Your kidding, right?”. When I assured her I wasn't, I got a reluctant blessing after explaining the course consisted of three ten mile loops. In addition, I swore I would not push too hard and would stop after one or two loops if my body dictated so. A D.N.F. does not appeal to me in any way shape or form but the thought of just getting out there and being a part of the event is draw enough.

Some good news to post, my red blood cell count actually climbed up to being almost normal. On the down side my white blood cell count and the immune system are taking a hit but are still at levels where I can fight off infection. I'm washing my hands a lot these days and keeping out of public places as much as possible. Just anti-social me I guess.

Tuesday when I had my checkup with the Oncologist I had to tell him about the muscle tear or pull I did over the weekend. He advised me to take it easy and perhaps, “Not Cut Firewood for a while”. Well after I got home, waiting to be "Hooked Up"  I grew antsy and required some sort of physical activity to deal with it. Not having enough time to take a decent walk I decided to split firewood and was almost finished as the Home Care Nurse pulled into the driveway. BUSTED ! Hope I don't get “Ratted Out!” 

In my own way I complied, Hell, I wasn't cutting firewood only splitting it.

Be good, stay happy ....... Mike

A Hard Week

It was a hard week, several times I sat down to update my blog and each attempt ended the same, staring at a blank page with little enthusiasm or idea how to start.

Perhaps the most difficult challenge of the week was to understand how and why I was feeling the way I was. There were the physical aspects to contend with, the exam on Tuesday morning left me sore and unable to run until Saturday. Several patches of sores broke out on my head and I felt nervous and jumpy. My normal resting heart rate, typically in the high fifties or low sixties was in the seventies.

Mentally, I fought to keep my attitude upbeat but I was loosing the fight.

Friday morning, driving into Frederick for Reiki, my hands shook and my heart felt as though it was pounding out of my chest. Relaxation did not seem possible or probable but after thirty minutes with Dee I was able to turn a corner.

Saturday was cold and windy so for the first time I decided against running a race. Instead, I slept in running later in the day when it was warmer.

Yesterday I met my trail running buddies to run a slow but rewarding five mile loop followed by firewood cutting and a little football watching. Even had half of a steak for dinner which is the first steak I've had since August. (We will continue on a low meat diet)

Now for the “Bad news”, somewhere along the line, either when cutting, hauling or splitting firewood. I pulled or tore a muscle in my stomach just to the right of the main incision. If there is any “Good News” from this the damage is very isolated and only bothers me with certain movements. Through trial and error I found I could roll over in bed without pain by first bringing my knees towards my chest . Rolling over with legs straight was not a wise move.

So what will this week bring? Another chemo tomorrow with the expected “First Bite Blues” and Sensitivity to cold. I can handle that and more as long as I can keep my head together.

Congratulations Mel and Joe for your half Marathon performance!

Ninety Four Bottles of Beer on The Wall ....... Mike

Missing the Point

There is a report on the news this evening of a Marathoner who ran twenty miles, caught a bus, hid out until the lead runners passed and then got back on the course to finish third in the event. It's not the first time this has happened but right now I only have pity for the fool.

Prevailing through adversity requires strength, some find it in faith, others in family/friends, perhaps one's own internal makeup, work, and yes though running.

It's no surprise that running has be one of the important elements in how I am dealing with my ordeal. I am a beneficiary to the power of running, and now, as I cut back my expectations each run somehow becomes sweeter, an affirmation that  still I am. So how pathetic is it that that this Marathoner totally missed the point, it's not about winning (although that is pretty sweet), it's about the journey.

Ninety Eight Bottles of Beer on the Wall.

Mike

Numbers Game

My visit with Dr. Berg today confirmed my suspicion that surgery to reattach my colon will wait until Chemotherapy is completed. I'm not surprised but I am disappointed.

Perhaps it all becomes a numbers game to me now. Six more rounds of Chemotherapy (eighteen days), eighty-one days until the end of the year, ninety one days until my next appointment with Dr. Berg and then a week or two to get surgery scheduled? January something?

Like the song “ A Hundred Bottles of Beer on the Wall” it may seem endless as you sing your way through it but eventually, mercifully, you arrive at the end.

So there you are ..... Mike

The Weekend

Tomorrow I have an appointment with Dr. Berg, and at this moment I am trying to prepare myself, if as I suspect, the operation to reconnect the “Plumbing” will be postponed until after chemotherapy is completed in December. Our original expectation was by Thanksgiving.... We'll see

The past weekend was packed with lot's of activity that started with the FMH (Frederick Memorial Hospital) Pink Ribbon Run for Breast Cancer. Feeling pretty good and with a warm morning I decided I could run it. Even before the race started good “vibes” were in the air. Walking up to register I heard a voice behind me yell, “Hey Mike Your Support Team is Here !” It was two of the Nurses who have been responsible for my Treatments at the FMH Cancer Center. With both of my arms around their shoulders we walked towards the starting line. Can a guy get luckier ?

I know I shouldn't have a thought about actually competing but what the hell, it's simply in my nature.

On the starting line I did what many runners do, look around for who you need to beat. Now I'm not cocky enough to be thinking about the overall results, but my age group, now that's a different story.

To my right was a guy in my age group sporting a “Pot Belly”, no problem there, even with chemo going on. To my left however I saw the “Trouble Maker”, lean and mean a natural looking running machine with Graying hair. Humm....

The gun goes off and within a minute my GPS shows a six thirty pace as I try to keep up with “Trouble Maker”. Even though I'm back to my seventh grade weight I realize that this pace simply will not be sustainable so I need to let him go. Who knows, maybe he'll burn out.

Some people would say the Baker Lake 5K course has hills but really, they are simply inclines that simply kicked my butt, I had to slow down; I felt like I was “Running At Altitude” a likely result of a dwindling red blood cell count.

Results, OK here it is, 23.29 good enough for 15^th overall and Second (as I suspected) in my age group. But that does not really indicate what I really got out of this race.

After the race there was a long line for the ladies room while the men's room, with it's broken lock stood empty. I suggested that the ladies make use of it as I would “stand guard”. As I attended to my new found duties I heard a woman laughing say “Well I'm a two time Hospice Reject”. There was a time in my life when I wouldn't have asked, but now, with most of my inhibitions gone I asked.

“I was supposed to die twice but I wouldn't. I've got forty percent of my stomach, a rebuilt bladder”,   lifting her tee-shirt up just a touch, “And a tumor that makes a sixty four year old look pregnant!” I told her I was fighting cancer as well to which she pulled off her wig and said. "Well at least you still have your hair (Naturally challenged as mine is.) She had just walked five kilometers, standing in line  laughing and smiling. She will never know it, but at that moment, what I have dealt with, what is ahead, became somewhat relative. I'll say it again, “You Women are far tougher then us men”

The rest of the weekend was chock full of other good events, including , seeing my Nephew play Rugby, my son Kevin perform, Patrick cutting the grass without my asking, a nice trail run, cutting firewood, great foot rubs from Maggie, my running friends Larry and Steve completing their 100K and 100 miler races and as always the love and support from Susan.

I am certainly am lucky man..... Mike

Battle Between The Ears

It's Friday and the weather could not be more perfect. Blue skies, warm days and chilly nights have been here for a few days and may hang around for a few more.

For the past nine years Fall has brought Marathons and Ultra Marathons, long back to back training runs with "clean" crisp morning air replacing heat and humidity. It became apparent yesterday that I may not be able to enjoy these mornings as I have in the past. Heading out wearing light gloves for a run it wasn't long before I could feel the Hyper-Sensitivity to the cold kicking in. Sticking my hands in the pocket of my vest helped but essentially I was done.

Hopefully this side effect from the Oxaliplatin will pass soon as I plan on running a local 5K and lead a short five mile trail run Sunday morning.

I did return later on in the day to meet my Thursday afternoon trail running friends, but even then, I had to cut my run short as the sun set and it started to get chilly.

Certainly it won't help to fixate on what might or might not be, I realize that, however the thought of not being able to enjoy my morning runs is as hard hitting as anything else I'm going through.

The battle in front of me will certainly be physical, I can handle that,  but it's what's going on between the ears that will be my hardest climb.

Cold Door Knob Blues

Whoa.......

It was cool morning here on the Mountain but I didn't think anything of it as I walked Maggie out to the School Bus. Returning to the house I grabbed the door knob, with no warning "painful electric pricks" shot from my fingers down my arm.

I can now join the ninety five percent of Oxaliplatin recipients who experience this sensation . Hopefully I'll be able to hold off on full blown neuropathy for at least a few more treatments. I'm experimenting with the FSTS (Shocking First Taste Syndrome). Last night I, in multiple steps, I was able to handle increasing strengths of diluted orange juice until, drum roll .......... with no water added  I avoided the sensation. It worked with coffee this morning but not with the hash brown. I'll take the discomfort rather then blend up my hash brown.

Last night Sue and I had a quiet thirty year wedding anniversary. To our surprise Maggie had found a lot of old pictures of Sue and I, spanning our dating and early baby years. These were laid out on the dining room table for us to enjoy. It was the highlight of the evening.

Later ...... Mike

Pump Me Up II

The intermittant wiring of the potrable pump sends another shot of 5-FU down the tube. It's been doing it's thing for a couple hours now with only another forty four to go.

The Oxaliplatin hasn't wasted any time showing it's hand. The "Shocking First Taste Syndrome" hence to be known on this blog as S.F.T.S. or SFTS for short has returned bigger and better then before. It's now a head shaking eye popping two or three seconds of pain followed by nothing.

The hyper sensisitivity to cold has not presented itself yet but a cold cup of apple juice at lunch time did bring some strange tingling feeling to the back of my throat.

Time will tell but I'm optimistic that round two won't be too bad.

Mike

Chair II

Today marks thirty years that Susan and I have been married. How the hell she ever stayed with me this long may be the stuff that "Unsolved Mysteries" may profile on a future show.

Thirty year anniversaries are often celebrated with Pearls, unfortunately Pearls simply are not in the budget so a hand made card given to Sue will have to suffice. I did mention, that Mom has offered to spend a couple of days with Maggie so Sue and I could get away. This probably won't happen until sometime next year but I'm sure time will pass faster then I can imagine.

Judy, my nurse for today was kind enough to take a photograph of me sitting in "The Chair" which I will add to the post sometime later today. Having been through this process once before I'm not as intimidated but still it's disconcerting to watch the Oxaliplatin dripping down from the IV stand.

I can't help but wonder if I'll tolerate this second treatment as well as I did the first. My CBC (complete blood count) showed that my red blood cell count is now below normal. This was quite a shock for me as my counts were quite good as recently as this past Wednesday. The cumulative effects of the drugs will at some point rear their ugly heads, I have no doubt of that but I'm hopeful much of the worse will wait until the last couple.

To my right two people have come and gone, both of whom are near the end of their treatments. Across from me is a woman who has been joined by her husband receiving her first treatment. It is an emotional moment made easier with his presence. Once again the prevailing mood of the room is upbeat despite the seriousness of our situations. It is a tribute to the human condition that in the face of adversity so many here continue to smile as they endure.

Later ...... Mike

Patrick's First 5K

For twenty eight minutes and some odd seconds today I was no longer a Cancer patient, instead I was a proud father running with a son in his first 5K race. I have run many races over the years, most of which I have forgotten but this will always hold a special spot in my mind and soul.

Patrick did great, knowing how to pace oneself is perhaps the most difficult aspect of running your first race and we almost “nailed it”. Our first mile started slow because of the crowd but once weaved through the masses we managed to log about a nine minute mile. Perhaps I pushed a little too hard, running the second next mile in eight and a half minutes. At two miles Patrick looked good and his breathing was well under control. With just under a mile to go we exited left the C&O canal running a hill through a series of switchbacks. We had covered more the half of the hill when Patrick felt a calf starting to cramp. We ending up using a fast walk to complete the hill the resumed our run to the finish.

As we crossed the finish line I grabbed Patrick’s hand and lifted it above our heads. I don't think I have ever purchased a race day photograph before, but, in this case, if the photographer caught the moment I'll be ordering one. It was just so awesome.

Sue, Maggie and a couple of Patrick’s' Shepherd classmates cheered us as we finished and Sue took the photograph of the two of us.

People have often asked me “Why Do You Run?”. Today I can add a new reason, “To Forget About Cancer”; having been blessed today for twenty eight minutes and some odd seconds with absolute forget-fullness.

Mike