Telemarkerter Timing

I am beginning to wonder if I am being monitored due to our proximity to Camp David. It may well be that I am simply paranoid but I doubt it's coincidence that for the past few days, when I require the office throne, when no one else is available, the phone will ring.

If there is a monitor, you can sense the diabolical nature of the "handler" as he calculates my  approach to the bathroom. "Subject, twenty seconds from pants down, prepare to let the telemarketers through. Four, Three, Two and One commence." 

Meanwhile as you might guess there is nothing less wanted then a phone call in this state, but it may be a client, up I will jump. "Subject done with call, seeking relief, thirty seconds to pass through next telemarketer".

"Hello Mr. O'Grady this is John from Family Films", John says.....  John I think, how appropriate. "John, our kids have grown up and hopefully will move out of the house in the next few years. We enjoyed your movies when they were seven, why don't you call back in ten years or fifteen years, when we may have Grand-kids" I also think, "perhaps I may be senile and enjoy them anyway" , CLICK".

Back at central control the "handler" wonders how many more I can endure before I crack.

Ring, Ring, Ring.............
You have got to be kidding me.
Hello, all I hear on the other end is the sound of a hundred voices, my caller, sitting behind a Robo Dial does not have a chance to say a first word, CLICK !

The "handler" now get really nasty. "We'll Pass through an actual customer, pants down in five, four, three, two one".

Ring.

Oh My God, you have got to be kidding me.

I am so beat down I waddle out with ankle hugging undergarments to answer the phone. This time it's a client with a question about a forty dollar order. Of course this order is most important and must ship out Monday, she needs me to email a tracking number and make sure that everything is perfect.I am polite but I'm thinking that if anything drops out on the way back to the bathroom she may have a surprise in her box next week.

Back on the throne the phone rings again and the fact that I did not get up, I imagine five times is my breaking point.

I am getting stronger and better even if I have some bumps along the way.

Mike