Thousand Hot Tamales.

WARNING, THIS POST HAS SOME GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF RECENT EVENTS. DON'T READ ON IF YOU DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR.

“Mike, You're Going to Have a Couple of Rough Days, Get some Desitin and Baby Wipes”, were the words of Dr. Berg as he visited with me Tuesday morning.

As far as days go, Tuesday was simply splendid, I was feeling good even though the “on demand” pain medication had been removed. Pain medication was available in a pill form if I requested it but I simply did not feel I needed it.

Sue had spent the night with me and sometime early afternoon she left and Mother took watch over me. Between an occasional nodding off I spent several special hours of important conversations with Mom. I am grateful for those hours, they were special.

As the afternoon passed along there were rumblings from “down below” that the beast was awakening. After surgery the nurses would place stethoscopes along my belly to listen for the beast but now the rumblings and grumblings were loud enough that I swear the woman in the next room was ready to yell “Shut Up ! “

Early evening arrived with the return of Sue, My Kids, Father and a surprise visit by Larry Key. I felt great, perhaps pumped up by the presence of friends and family yet somewhat apprehensive since I knew the “beast” was going to awaken from his sleep soon.

I made it; for everyone left, excepting Sue, before my first trip to the bathroom !

Who knows what to expect after so many months of inactivity? It wasn't much, and in a strange way I was disappointed.

Round two was a different story; leaving my bed with the IV stand I moved with the speed and precision of a NASCAR crew ready change tires and refuel their car. Positioned solidly on the throne I started to pass gas, not just a little, but an amount that legends are borne on. On and on it went until, at wits ends, I just started laughing as it continued. At one point I thought, “This isn't too bad.”

For those who don't know the O'Grady men, there has always been a childlike fascination with this digestive aspect of life. As a “Younger” man I can remember the formula....... Meat, Eggs,Beer and High Fat Ice Cream to prepare for a “Brothers Road Trip”. Pity the fool who had no window privileges

when we drove in a pickup truck with a single bench seat.

Three times a charm? Where the heck does that phrase come from? I like to know because for me it was no charm.

With the third visit to the bathroom reality set in, immediately set in. Imagine that someone just thew acid down there. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if it happened quickly but each session seemed to last for three to ten minutes, just when you thought you might be done, surprise, your not.

As the evening progressed the story was essentially the same, yet as bad as it might have been I was proud that I maintained control with no accidents ................. until. I'm not sure what time it may have been but Sue decided to head down to the coffee shop. Laying in bed by myself I nodded off only to awaken with an urgent requirement to sprint to the bathroom. I am happy to say my cat like reflexes resulted in me missing me the bed. With the exception of the bed, I managed to leave a trail of sludge and blood that covered the floor, legs, gown and socks. I know I should have called the Hospital staff but instead I grabbed paper towels and cleaned up as best I could. My gown and socks were discarded and a shower from the waist down cleaned me up. This would be my only accident.

The night was a slow torture with a bathroom trip required every hour or so, the discomfort was tolerable but highly unpleasant. It was the night of a thousand hot tamales.

Mike